My fiancé has always been one that loves eating out and treated to a nice meal at a restaurant every now and then. She states that it is one of her love languages. I enjoy eating out as well, but before I met my fiancé I rarely spent money at restaurants since it’s a lot more expensive and I like saving money as well as eating healthier by cooking my own meals. To me it’s more of a thing for celebrations and special occasions. When I had been in past relationships a lot of times we’d split the cost of meals or take turns on paying when we ate out.
After meeting my fiancé I started breaking out of this pattern and eating out more since she likes it. I might be ok with a dinner date once a week if we split the cost, but she expects that I pay for them and isn’t ok with paying for her meal. She doesn’t ask for expensive meals, but does like something decent ($40-$80) usually for our dinner. I make a good salary, but we are both short on cash at the moment due to me having a large mortgage (which I’m trying to get out of) and some debts of hers. I’d rather do a mix of an occasional dinner date like once or twice a month and do other activities for dates. She’s not up for doing dinner dates at home in place of restaurant dinners either.
I’ve begun budgeting pretty hard recently and set a goal to cook nearly all of my meals from the grocery and budget many other costs. I have financial goals that I want to reach and I need to stick with them. She insists that I should still take her out to eat once a week despite the costs it would add each month. She wants to feel like a lady and wants me to “not let the romance die.” I’ve offered to maybe do one or two dinner dates at a restaurant a month as long as the price is reasonable and for us to cook the rest or do some type of other date activity besides eating out. Trying to find a balance between being too cheap and sticking to a budget. Am I being too cheap and should just take her out at least weekly?
TLDR; my (31m) fiancé (29f) wants to be taken out to a restaurant at least once a week for a date. Am I being too unreasonable that I don’t want to pay for 4 dinner dates a month?
Comments
Are you both contributing financially to the dinners? You’re about to be married so finances will be combined if they aren’t already. Probably time to sit down together and talk through your combined budget.
Have you had a serious discussion about your future budget as a married couple.
It’s all one going to be one pocket eventually, it seems a little ridiculous that she wants to be pampered to that degree
It’s reasonable but the question is whether you both can compromise. Seems like she’s taking a hard line and expected you to do this no matter what.
It seems like you’re saying you have a rough budget right now because you 2 have a mortgage and she has old debt but somehow you are expected to pay for dinner?
How are you responsible for her debt but she’s not responsible for dinner?
If I was in your shoes I would sit down and create a joint budget, and the two of you prioritize that. Either get on the same page financially now or accept that this will likely always be a thing.
She’s being irresponsible and unfair. Dates are awesome, but yes she’s expecting too much. You don’t align financially. You need to make sure your goals align long term. If she’s not willing to find other things to do for date night- she’s shit out of luck. I’d love to go out to eat once a week but it’s not always possible and she needs to understand that. Her unwillingness to compromise is a giant red flag
And what does she do for you to ‘make you feel like a man’ and not let the romance die?
>> I pay for them and isn’t ok with paying for her meal.
Is she your dependent or your partner? Is she your sugar baby or your partner? It seems like your financial views are incompatible and are better off with women who act more like an independent partner & happy to pay for their own meals