My girlfriend and I have been together for about 1.5 years. And throughout our entire relationship, she has been sort of reliant (semi reliant) on her ex. They were together for 8 years and have been broken up for a little over 2 years. He still pays for her insurance, which she is currently using for orthodontic surgery, still gets her free flights through his work, and on one or two occasions, he’s offered her money for rent/groceries. He’s even picked her up from the airport a couple of times. I understand exes can be friends, but it’s starting (or has been) to make me uncomfortable. There’s a certain level of secrecy too. Like she’s not really telling me that he’s still in her life. She went over to his place yesterday to do laundry without really telling me. Like it’s not really feeling like a partnership when my girlfriend is relying on her ex for certain things and almost like they have unresolved feelings/issues. My point is, would you be with someone if they were still relying or asking their ex for things?
My (31m) girlfriend (28f) still relies on her ex. Would you be with someone who still relies on their ex?
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That’s not just reliance, it’s emotional baggage dressed as convenience. If she can’t cut the cord with her ex she’s not ready to build a future that’s truly yours.
I went through this with someone I dated. It didn’t sit right with me at all, but they constantly reassured me that nothing was going on. There weren’t any lingering feelings, etc. we ended up breaking up over something unrelated to, but I came to find out that they ended up back together. When I finally spoke to my ex again, they admitted that there had been feelings deep beneath the surface they weren’t aware of at the time. I say all of this to say, trust your gut.
Person I would just straight up ask her if she still had feelings for her ex and if so I would leave her
Do they have kids together?
I feel like it’s one thing if he is doing all these things for his kids… another if it is really just for her.
This is likely to lead to cheating if it has not already. Sex is very much intertwined when both someone you respect and rely on financially is around.
Ask yourself this, what incentive would a man who is usually very much into themselves have to both spend his time and money with this person, and also why is his partner okay with this?
Your feelings are valid, you are not being treated with respect, and this man also does not fear you. This is something we all face as men.
This is a matter of becoming more capable of a man so others do not want to cross you and also a matter of getting your woman to look at you with so much respect she doesnt want to risk losing you.
I dont say this to be mean, its important its not sugar coated and misconstrued.
Nope that’s a deal breaker.
Hard truth, if your girlfriend still leans on her ex like a safety net, you’re not in a relationship you’re in a triangle. Emotional (and financial) dependency is intimacy in disguise, and no one thrives playing second fiddle to a past they won’t let go of.
It’s the small things. Sounds like they are a part of each other’s lives and aren’t ready to completely separate. I get being desperate for money in this economy, but she’s struggling to admit who she considers trustworthy and stable.
She’s choosing to go there for laundry of all things. There’s a lot of people that have a washer and dryer, but her ex is the path of least resistance for some reason.
After 1.5 years the person that’s always here for her should be you. I’m not sure why she feels you aren’t the one she can come to, but I’d consider that this relationship is not working out.
Ask him to pay for your drinks too.
Your relationship and family are supposed to be your supports in life. Ask her why she goes to the ex for help and not your or family. If she can’t reduce the ex’s role to a minor phone call once per year, she’s not over him. As a guy, we often take pride in being providers and support to those we care about. Ask her why she’s taking that away from you.
The ex probably feels he’s the superior boyfriend she had and uses this to boost his ego regardless of how he feels about her.
Get direct answers or begin cutting it off.
How comfy is the cuck chair?
Nah man, if her ex is still playing boyfriend, what are you doing there? That’s not “friendly,” that’s messy. Trust your gut this ain’t it
No. Some people like to have several people to choose from to suck emotionally or financially off of. I call them folks with dingleberries.
I think it’s pretty clear that he’s still her partner, even if the two of them don’t see it.
There is still some kind of emotional attachment. I’m sure she doesn’t need to do laundry at his house, etc. Definitely weird
Dump her. You’re the third wheel in your own relationship.
I agree with everyone else that this isn’t above board, but like. Also. Can YOU do those things for her? Provide insurance, rent/groceries, etc.? Would you do so if you could?
This could be a bad thing and a good thing OP, on one side she’s probably still sleeping with him. That is why he is taking care of her. On the other side, you can enjoy whatever he’s putting up that you are not fulfilling moneywise since ultimately you are not able to take care of both of y’all with just your salary and her salary. At the end of the day you’re the one that’s going to lose her because your an argument away from her telling you that you don’t make enough and she’s just going to leave you for her ex since she never really left 2 years ago…🫡👌🏽
She’s still fucking him too. 100%
Bruh, your girlfriend has a boyfriend, and it’s not you. Not sure why you’ve stayed this long, but get some dignity and self-respect and either make sure she cuts him off or leave her.
Friendship after such a long relationship isn’t the problem and can kind of be expected if they ended amicably, but the secrecy, and reliance is not okay. Clearly, he still enjoys her relying on him as well if he’s offering financial support.
That said, whenever he’s helping her, has she come to you first? When she needed help with rent did she come to you first (not that that’s your responsibility, your not married or engaged) but has she made the effort to engage you first and you haven’t been available or unable to help? When she needed to get picked up from the airport, did you offer, or did she ask you first, or were you unavailable? If so, then this might be a bit of an ego thing
That said, based on what you’ve mentioned, no ones going over to their exes to do laundry…
Either way, I’m not gonna jump out and say shes cheating or anything but ultimately, you dont like her relationship with her ex, it’s giving you trust issues, and no relationship will grow under these circumstances. They clearly still have attachment to one another so find a new GF.
This is unhealthy codependence (between them). You should leave.
You have the right to feel uncomfortable. BUT can she rely on you for any of these things? Before everyone attacks me, it’s very obvious that she expects these things in a relationship. It does sound like they should just get back together and possibly get married since they are playing “separated pending divorce”.
Why even ask for advice if she can’t cut ties with an “ex” of 8 years then he’s probably not her ex and have a convenient relationship and your in the middle of it because you enjoy it as well.
Never date someone who is still emotionally, financially or physically tied to their ex.
He’s not the ex, fren.
You are.
She has two boyfriends. Sorry
So she’s basically got 2 boyfriends, time to say goodbye
“She went to his place to do laundry without telling me”
Come on man
Do you think he is doing ALL of that shit out of the kindness of his heart?
Ask yourself why he would still be paying for things for her? It doesn’t make sense unless they’re still at least partially together.
He is not really her ex. They have not cut ties are still very much emotionally and financially intertwined. And she shows no signs of stopping that.
No, I wouldn’t date someone still dependent on their ex. She is in a relationship with you, not her ex.
It’s time for her to make a choice. Him or you. Prepare yourself for the possibility that she’ll choose him.
You too could become this financial support crutch for her after she moves on from you.
Meanwhile he’s supporting financially hoping he can get back in the door.
Some of y’all are dang weird thinking this stuff is OK and letting it keep going on.
Are you ready to build a future with her and her ex?
I’d be alright with him getting her from the airport…
….everything else is too much.
Run, that is my advice, unless you are not emotionally invested and just in it for entertainment value. Do not ask for words of false affirmation when the evidence is right in front of your face, do not shut your eyes to the truth.
Oh she’s absolutely still having sex with him. Name one man that would spend all that money on his ex for all those years and not be getting something out of it? Nobody would. I pay $600 alone for my insurance, you think I would pay that for an ex that I have no desire to get back with or I’m not hooking up with?
Come on. Wake up. You know exactly what’s going on. You’re just hoping we’ll tell you it’s not so you can stay in the relationship a little longer. And I bet she did the laundry that was on her body at the time lol
You sure she was just doing laundry and not doing something else?
I would walk / run. You’re only going to get hurt
Nope. If she still relies on her ex then she’s not actually with you
After eight years it’s not unusual that they’re financially intertwined and might function like family who still take care of each other. This would normally be alright if it weren’t for the secrecy. Even if nothing is going on between them lying in an attempt to keep the peace is not okay.
Yeah. They not broken up they just dating multiple people. Best get out now.
Pls break up with her idk if you’re a rebound or what but you’re the one she’s supposed to reasonably be looking to for support with the things you mentioned (unless you’re incapable) she’s still way to involved with him.
Do you really need advice on this lol..or probably just another fake post
Ah- sides line she’s his side piece
I thinks it’s unfair to all of the people in this triangle. If you can’t give her what she expects from the partner (in this case- some financial security and comfort) she should just leave you instead of using you to supplement things She can’t get from him. Don’t stay in this or up your game
No, if she’s even relying on him while she’s trying to date, that’s a huge red flag, much less after she’s been dating you for 1.5 years. Staying friends is one thing, but paying for stuff is a step too far. It makes it seem like she never really broke up with him and it’s going to always make you feel uneasy. She needs to make a choice and stick with it, not have her cake and eat it too.
You know what the ex is getting in return, right?
I don’t know man. On one hand, I wouldn’t like my lady being around her ex that much. Seems a little off. On the other hand, sounds like dude is saving you a lot of money. This is the first story I’ve heard where im actually stumped.