Hi Reddit. English is not my first language, so I used ChatGPT to help with formatting and clarity. Throwaway account.
I (31M) have been with my wife (31F) for 9 years, married for 6. We have two young kids and live in a small apartment where the kids share a bedroom.
We moved to this city four years ago because my wife’s family lives here. I got a job here right away and my wife has been home due to depression, anxiety and the kids but got a job last year. I work 12-hour shifts – sometimes nights and sometimes days – about four shifts a week. She works a regular 9–5. Sometimes we get a bit of alone time in the evenings, and we usually have some weekends together as a family. Her parents sometimes help with the kids when our schedules don’t line up.
For the past few years, we’ve been saving for a house so that our kids can finally have their own rooms. With both of us working now, we’ve been able to save more, and we’re hoping that by next summer we’ll finally have enough for a down payment. We’ve worked really hard toward that future.
My wife has always been very scatterbrained and often tired, so I’ve taken on most of the household responsibilities. She works, sometimes exercises, folds the laundry if I remind her, and pays her own bills (mostly) on time. She also puts the kids to bed. But she often just sits on her phone watching Netflix and forgets things. We share the school drop-offs and pickups depending on our work schedules, and her parents help when we both have to work.
Since our second child was born, I’ve made it very clear that I don’t want any more children. Not because I don’t love our family – I do – but because I honestly don’t feel I have the mental, emotional, or financial capacity to be a good dad to more than two kids. I’m already stretched thin, and I know I’ll burn out if I have even more to handle. My wife agreed with me and got an IUD. I’ve also been meaning to get a vasectomy for a long time, but I haven’t followed through. That’s on me.
Yesterday, she told me she’s pregnant again. Her IUD should be good for another 3-6 years but still she took a test that said she’s about 1–2 weeks along. It’s still very early, and she’s planning to schedule a visit with her doctor.
She doesn’t want an abortion. Years ago, when we were trying for our first child, she had a miscarriage, and it was a traumatic experience for her. She says she can’t go through something like that again. I understand that, and at the same time, I don’t want to be cruel or pressure her into something she’ll regret. But I also feel like this is turning our entire life upside down.
We are barely holding things together as it is. A third child would mean no house in this city(at least not any time soon), more pressure on our relationship, and less time and energy for the two kids we already have. I’m honestly terrified that I’ll start to resent this situation – or her – if this goes on. I’ve told her how I feel – again – but she is very set on keeping the baby.
I feel helpless. I know the final decision is hers, but I also feel like I have no say in something that will completely change my life and my kids life, too. I love my wife and kids deeply, but I’m scared that having another child will break me or break us.
And I know for sure that we’ll need a bigger car and a bigger home. The only places big enough we can afford in the near future is in another city, which means we’d both need new jobs. The problem is, there are no open positions in my line of work in that city right now. I’d likely have to keep working and sleeping in our current city and only be home 2–3 days a week. We’d also lose her parents’ help with the kids.
She says she hears me and knows it will be hard. She suggested I could just take a job at the local hospital in the new city – but I would lose about a third of my income, and honestly, I love my job. Still, she says she feels she has to have this baby, even knowing how hard it will be for all of us.
I feel like she is choosing to change all our lifes based on her emotions and not really seeing how it will affect us in the future despote me telling her.
I just dont know what to do anymore.
I just feel helpless.
Has anyone been in a similar situation?
How do you move forward when you and your partner want completely different things about something this massive?
Comments
You could have used a condom. Your wife didn’t get pregnant by herself. You got her pregnant and sure you acknowledge that you neglected your vasectomy appointment but if you were truly as concerned about not affording another child you’d have taken all possible precautions to not impregnate her AGAIN.
I’m sorry man. This one got to me because she is begging me for a 3rd child. We are in the exact same situation as you guys (for the most part). Now, if the baby was already on the way, I would probably just deal with it. But I would be devastated!
it’s VERY dangerous to get pregnant with an IUD, risk of etopic pregnancy and miscarriage. she needs to see her doctor like today, for removal of IUD.
Schedule your vasectomy today. You’ll adjust to life with 3 children. She told you her decision.
This could have all been prevented if you got a vasectomy. Tell her you do not want another child and this is too much, it throws all of your hard work and planning off.
IUDs fail. It’s her body, her choice. Should’ve used a condom or had a vasectomy. Pressing her into an abortion she doesn’t want is violent
Schedule a vasectomy to prevent #4. You’ll adjust to #3.
She understands that she will need to work harder too right. I dont think she understands how much harder it will be for her. She thinks its just going to be more work for you.
I would say also that buying a home is no longer a possibility.
ah that sucks. Shoulda scheduled the vasectomy if it meant so much to you.
> I’ve also been meaning to get a vasectomy for a long time, but I haven’t followed through. That’s on me.
Yeah. It is. So framing this as her unilaterally ruining your lives when you couldn’t be bothered to take the possibility of this happening seriously enough to do your part in preventing it is not a good look.
Anyway, first things first: see what the doctor has to say. It’s possible this may not be a viable pregnancy, or something else is going on. But if she gets the medical all-clear, then this is happening. You can either figure it out as a team (including finding the budget for counseling if needed), or figure out if you can afford to separate if you truly can’t see yourself caring for this kid without resenting it, but focusing on the things you’d rather be doing in a perfect world that no longer exists is not a productive use of your time and energy.
First of all, no one is 1-2 weeks pregnant. Since the convention for dating pregnancies is to start counting from the day the last period started (first day of last menstrual period or LMP), she would be 3-4 weeks at minimum. Also, one cannot date a pregnancy from a quantitative blood test, let alone a home pregnancy test. For starters, her IUD needs to be pulled. If it’s a Mirena or other progestin-secreting IUD, the drop in progestin might be enough to result in a miscarriage. In any case, with an IUD in place, a resultant pregnancy is at higher risk for an ectopic (tubal) pregnancy. She needs to have very close follow up with an OBGYN (not a PCP/family practitioner/NP who does GYN). Not that I’m wishing any misfortune on you or your wife, but this may not be a viable pregnancy, in which case your other concerns may be moot. She needs an ultrasound and, if cardiac activity is not seen in the uterus, serial quantitative serum HCG levels 48 hours apart.
Do you know how babies are made? Because if you do, I don’t understand how this is being laid at your wife’s feet. GET A VASECTOMY. You don’t get to leave birth control SOLELY up to her and then complain when something goes wrong.
You have not been clear that you didn’t want another child. If you had, you would have had a vasectomy. At the bare minimum you would have doubled up on contraception and used a condom.
So all this woe is me is too little too late. You could have prevented this and you chose not to. Now you need to own that choice and support your wife in whatever decision she chooses to make She is full of hormones right now from the pregnancy so of course she is emotional. Resenting her is childish and immature, just like not having a vasectomy
Go to counseling to discuss this issue so everyone’s thought and feelings are heard. This is your issue together. In the end it’s her body and her choice, but your concerns And feelings are important too. Remember it’s the two of you versus the issue (not a great word for a baby, but hopefully you get my point). You will get no where placing blame, so focus on coming to an agreement or plan that is acceptable for each of you.
You’ll very likely love the baby OP and millions of families have survived accidental pregnancies. As a mother of 4 you just figure it out. Your attitude about it and placing your marriage above your fear will help you come through this.
Even individual therapy might help you. Being the single father of 3 kids would be much harder than doing it together with your wife. Whether you want it or not you’re responsible for the baby. Be a team.
If by some chance you can convince her
To terminate the pregnancy, you’ll
Also need to be prepared to support her through her emotions. She might also need therapy to come to peace with it.
It a tough situation OP, but all you can control is your own behavior. Be kind, listen, be creative and supportive. There’s a solution somewhere. You’ll find it.
There are condoms, vasectomies, and other forms of birth control that don’t make the full and sole responsibility the party you characterize as scatter brained.
I am sorry. This stinks. I think it would be worth it to pull a bit of money from the home fund to pay for a vasectomy. Then you can move forward confidently with a plan for no more kids.
Two forms of BC is better than one. One of course, is better than none at all…
Get snipped, maybe into couples therapy if it’s available where you live. I’m sorry you’re in this situation but you’ve gotta make the best of it.
You are essentially in a hostage situation. I feel sorry for you and the other two kids. Brace yourself for a disaster.
You need to accept that you both made another baby. You are grieving a life you thought you would have with 2 kids. Shit happens. Life happens. You will adapt. Because you have to. You will get your shit together and figure it out.
There are worse things in the world than a family with shelter and food and loving parents who don’t own their own home.
What if your wife got in a car accident tomorrow and died. And you were left by yourself with 2 kids. That would fucking suck. But you are both alive, and healthy, and capable of working and growing and changing and providing.
You’ll be okay with three children, but yes this was entirely preventable.
Sperm causes 100% of pregnancies so I’m glad you’re taking some ownership. Get your vasectomy asap, and she needs to see a gynecologist asap. Pregnancy with an IUD can have serious complications.
Vasectomies are significantly less invasive than a tubal ligation. My husband had his and was back to work the very next morning! While seated, he had a cup of ice between his legs to help the swelling. It was very manageable.
Please be sure you get a confirmation of zero sperm count before you guys have unprotected sex. (My friend had a child born after a failed vasectomy — it does happen!)
People should only have the amount of kids they want to have. If not it will burn you out because that’s how damn hard it is and how much time and energy it takes.
If she don’t want abortion which is her right, you only have one option and it’s to leave. And honestly I don’t know what you should do. But I can tell you that if you think you will break you will. As you noticed 2 kids was way way way rougher then what one thinks 1+1 kid would be. And 3 is just next level.
And if she leaves to much for you to pick up on, then it’s a deal breaker and you need to tell her you won’t be around because you will burn out, and maybe regularly so until they are old
enough. And that’s not the life you want, nor is it the relationship with her that you want – less time and energy for each other. That’s about the only option you got if she says no to abortion.
This really sucks, but it sounds like despite many challenges you guys are a strong family unit and I think you will make it through.
I would focus on her health for the time being because pregnancy on an IUD is high risk.
I understand your fears, it makes a ton of sense. But I really believe you guys can make it work.
I highly suggest reaching out to your guy’s support system asap for support on this:
support in brainstorming, support in ideas for scheduling/babysitting, maybe you guys can find a cheaper area in your current city that will allow of your parents to still help?
Stop putting your penis in her unless you are using suitable protection or get a vasectomy
I’m not frustrated with you in particular, OP, just the unconscious assumptions surrounding birth control. If a man knows he doesn’t want any more children, it’s up to him to get a vasectomy. They are minimally invasive with a quick recovery time. Your only responsibility would be to periodically check that you’re shooting blanks. (Yeah, sometimes things ‘re-connect’, so be certain you’re not fertile before you ride bareback.) It’s such a simple solution when a couple is certain they don’t want any more children. If for any reason you are not certain, freeze your sperm as your back up plan. No one, man or woman, should have to count on their partner alone to prevent pregnancy no matter how foolproof you think your birth control is.
While it’s her choice to keep the child, your feelings are also extremely valid here.
It sounds like you love your job, or at least the opportunities it gives you in life. I think there needs to be some compromise and boundary setting on this one. Your wife should also be making changes in her life to make it work if she wants to keep this baby. Or you could put your foot down and say you don’t want to move.
What kind of job will she have in the new city? If you’re potentially losing a third of your income for this move, how will you afford a larger home?
Without the extra childcare help from the in laws, how would yall go about making sure the kids are cared for? Will she be staying home to care for them?
Moving farther away from the support system you have, losing a large portion of your income and moving during the pregnancy/birth of a new child sounds like a stressful nightmare. Is this something you HAVE to do? Do the kids really need their own rooms this young?
An IUD is not an excuse to have unprotected sex. Instead of complaining here, call and schedule your vasectomy. That being said, it’s quite possible this isn’t a viable pregnancy. She needs to see her doctor asap for multiple reasons. You’ll find a way to adapt to three kids if she is pregnant. You cannot force her to get an abortion. You can go to therapy to assist with the adjustment. You can stay where you are and kids can share rooms, still obtain assistance from her parents, etc. You should slow down and plan things one day at a time. Good luck.
Man, you really made a mess of your life and those of your loved ones with your inability to act on your decision to not have any more children. You are directly responsible for these circumstances by not getting a vasectomy. Yet you give us all this crap about your wife’s shortcomings and how it impacts your life. This “woe is me” baloney is crazy.
You sound as selfish as they come.
Get a DNA test too. For peace of mind.
You feel you are in a terrible position because having one more child might break you. In reality, you’re already broken. You have a wife who isn’t taking responsibility for herself, and you kind of enable it. She “sits on the phone” and “forgets to handle things” means you aren’t getting a fair share partner. She was a stay-at-home mom for 5 years and never managed to handle the household. Taking care of two kids and a home really isn’t that overwhelming. I had five kids, worked full time, planted a garden, paid the bills, cooked family dinners every night, cleaned, did laundry, shopped, etc. It was never a question of whether I’d do it or not. It just happened.
So, there’s a chance this pregnancy might stick. First, don’t feel overwhelmed at the thought of child #3. It really doesn’t add up to another 1/3 of the labor. In fact, after the baby sleeps through the night, it won’t be that much different than what you have right now. But if your wife isn’t kicking in her fair share of family energy right now, how in the world are you going to get her to kick in her fair share down the road?
Schedule your vasectomy today. If the pregnancy goes to full term, you can handle it. It’s like a turkey: you cut it to eat it, you never eat it in one bite. Don’t quit your job. If you love it, it’s your happy place and the wages are good. Don’t let the wife quit her job this time. Many people work as parents. It’s nobody’s fault that the IUD didn’t prevent the pregnancy, but since she’s taking the stance that the baby will be born if the baby so desires birth, she’s going to have to make sure she doesn’t phone it in. She’s going to have to quit Netflix binging.
If you don’t want more kids you have to be completely informed about contraception. If you are you know that there is failure rates for ALL methods of contraception, hence you should book that vasectomy now, and use condoms in the meantime (double protection)
As other people have said, a pregnancy with IUD is very risky, and she needs to speak with a doctor about her options. Ultimately you cannot force your opinion upon her and this is a decision she will have to make.
Very shitty position but as you said this is on you. It’s very easy to let the contraception issues to fall on the woman and not take responsibility and agency on your part.
You had a say in it before she got pregnant. It’s called a vasectomy. You took the risk and now don’t want the consequences.
So op. Did you get fixed or leave it to her?
‘resent this situation – or her’ – why HER??? YOU were there while making this baby why would you resent HER? I agree with you on everything except that. I also agree that you dropped the ball on the vasectomy so you are just as much to blame with this pregnancy as she is. For you to resent HER is hypocritical since YOU could have prevented this even MORE than she could because she actually got the IUD and you didn’t get the vasectomy!!
You want someone to blame and resent? Look in the mirror Sir.
You had a say, you could have had the vasectomy but chose not to. Now she is making choices about her body too.
>Hi Reddit. English is not my first language, so I used ChatGPT to help with formatting and clarity. Throwaway account.
Wouldn’t it make more sense to find a sub in your native language? Are you going to translate every comment back?
You should get snipped, right away
Wow you’re an asshole. You are blaming your wife? You’re “devastated”? You’re going to resent her?
Dude. You both got pregnant. She didn’t go out and do it by herself.
You resent HER?
You didn’t take ANY fair share of birth control, kept cream pie-ing your wife and are now BLAMING her for getting pregnant?
The fucking audacity is strong with this one.
Take the responsibility. Get snipped or wear a condom if you’re that worried. Clearly you weren’t more worried about getting her pregnant versus getting to raw dog her.
🙄🙄
She chose to get an IUD you chose not to go get a vasectomy. She didn’t choose to change your lives, you did when you didn’t seek out that vacectomy. She did her part but you skipped around your part.
Why didn’t you get a vasectomy instead of getting an IUD in his wife. Brain-dead decision making.
I am not convinced that she still has her IUD in place its extremely rare (not impossible) to become pregnant with normal use. I myself have an IUD and am familiar with it’s use. I also had a friend that defied the odds and became pregnant after IUD insertion. Turns out she had hemorrhaged and during that time her IUD had come out without her knowledge. But yea I would start there (finding out if her IUD is still in tact).
As far as the rest of this goes, I am wondering if things are so bad financially/emotionally, since you have expressed your feelings about kids. I know this is controversial, what about seperation? That way maybe she could move in with her parents and you could pay whatever child supoort amounts to? I feel like this could be a breaking point in your relationship, but hopefully not as you being a parent. That would give you the space you need, you would get to maintain your financial independence and probably job, and it could solve the issue at hand. Just a thought although I admit probably not a popular one.
Good luck, I just want to say your feelings are normal and justified given the situation. I’m not blaming either of you to be clear, I just empathize with what you are going through and wish you all the best.
I’m sorry, OP. This whole situation sucks. As someone already stated, 1-2 weeks pregnant isn’t a thing, and can’t be detected by an at home test. If she has an IUD, she needs a doctor visit and ultrasound ASAP to determine where the implantation of the baby has occurred, if it has. Best case scenario (for you), is it a chemical pregnancy or wont be viable. That sounds harsh, but that’s your reality. If it’s not viable and doesn’t stick, that’ll be traumatic for her. So will an ectopic pregnancy, or one that has to be terminated because of the IUD. IUD removal may also suck.
If you truly do not want more children, get the damn vasectomy and make sure you get it verified at the appropriate timestamp post-surgery. If you’re serious about no more kids, do NOT skip this part. I know plenty of people who have managed to get pregnant when a vasectomy or tubal ligation was in play.
If she wants to keep it, you will need to do some heavy soul searching and likely couples counseling to get through this. You cannot blame her for something that is 50% your fault. You also cannot blame her for not wanting to endure further trauma. This is on you.
The crappy part is that this could have been likely avoided with you doing your part via vasectomy or condoms.
At this point, it’s barely an abortion. It’s a pill and a small clump of cells. Tell your wife to get over herself and do it. And get a fucking vasectomy FFS.
Dude.
You had your choice to get vasectomy. You didn’t.
The moment YOU made her pregant, the game was over. When a woman is already pregnant, there is no magic “undo” button! I really hate reading guys writing “she could just abort!”.
No! No is a full sentence. You can regret your life decision to skip vasectomy and to skip condoms, but once she is pregnant, she gets to decide which option is less harmful for her.
The sooner you accept responsibility for YOUR actions and stop pushing your wife, the better you will be able to move forward.
You are going to have the third child. It’s not the end of the world, unless you make it so!
Well. First. Get that vasectomy and start using multiple forms of birth control.
Second, look into whatever extra support programs you have around you to get extra diapers, food, etc. It’s ok to ask for help.
It always amazes me how men who doesn’t want any more kids doesn’t get a vasectomy.
You have the option of a vasectomy
I dont know, maybe put in some effort for your own contraception instead of putting it solely on her. You contributed just as much to the problem so own up to it.
Yeah you did have a say. You had it when you had the opportunity to go for a vasectomy and you couldn’t be bothered. Now you’re expecting your wife to go through a traumatic procedure because you couldn’t be bothered to get yourself fixed
So yeah, you’re to blame, if you were so adamant about not having kids, why didn’t you wear a condom for double protection?
I get that you’re in a tough emotional situation here, but getting married and starting a family- you absolutely signed up for this including all of the uncertainties.
If you’re struggling, your best bet is to improve your support network. Stronger family relationships, stronger friend and neighbor relationships, you need a village to help you raise your family. Even just the emotional support there “I get it, me too” will really help.
This is entirely your own dumb fault. You made “very clear” that you didn’t want any more kids after the second child but then just…didn’t go get a vasectomy? What is wrong with you????
Have the kid and just dump it somewhere
You need to work on not resenting her for wanting to keep it. You DID have a say in this- you were fine with not getting around to scheduling a vasectomy. Unlike you, she did take steps to ensure her side of the birth control is in line.
The decision is done. Your wife took reasonable steps to prevent a pregnancy but wants to keep it. You apparently did not take the reasonable step of at least wearing condoms whenever you had vaginal sex and you do not want to keep it. You need to stop acting as if your wife is a problem because she wants to keep it and move the fuck on.
Going forward, no sex without condoms (preferably with spermicide) until you are tested and cleared post vasectomy. Your wife needs to see the doctor ASAP, get tested, and get the IUD taken out if she is pregnant. There is still a lot that can go wrong with the pregnancy, especially with her currently having an IUD, so her health is a priority.
Start planning for the changes. Maybe instead of buying a house you switch to getting a bigger apartment.
Why are you blaming this on her when you didn’t get a vasectomy? If you felt this strongly, a vasectomy is a no-brainer.
It’s a shame your life is in this situation, but you dumping all the responsibility and blame on her is repulsive.
Sounds like you should have taken some responsibility and gotten a vasectomy. You aren’t a victim of your poor planning here.
First of all, being pregnant with an IUD can be very dangerous, so she needs to see a dr asap. Secondly, if the pregnancy is that early, terminating it will feel no more than a slightly heavier period – certainly not a trauma like a miscarriage (although she may be emotional about it, obviously).
In wider terms, you (for very understandable reasons) don’t want another child. She apparently does. ONE of you is going to resent the other if you don’t sort this out, and resentment is the death of a relationship.
I suggest you address the immediate issue with a dr, and then it’s time for some hard talks.
If you didn’t want the kids and knew she was scatterbrained, then you should have wrapped it up in the meantime and got on and got the snip.
Not point in complaining about the gate being open now the horse has bolted. Best thing you can do is try to plan for the extra child.
So she got an IUD and you talked about getting a vasectomy and you’re saying you didn’t get a say in this?
I’ve heard so many stories of people getting pregnant with IUDs, I’m starting to wonder why anyone still considers them
OP she needs to go to the doctor yesterday. I’ve had an ectopic pregnancy, it’s incredibly dangerous and she could die. I know you are venting about a thing but fuck all of that and triage the fact your wife has a life threatening condition right now
Maybe my comment is a bit out of the box, but do you think you in-laws (and your wife) would be willing to look into getting a multi-generational house together? This way, by pooling your ressources, you could still have a house for your kids and be close enough to her parents to get their help.
If you absolutely did not want more kids, then 1 of 2 things should have happened.
Or
No birth control is 100% fail proof.
Im sorry you are having a hard time, but everything will work out.
When u say you didn’t want clearly this is you not taking into account its your dick your juice that is why she got pregnant in the first place. Your facing this situation because you nutted inside her. Condoms? Pull out? Guess you better man up and go get your nuts clipped before #4 is an Irish twin. Don’t use dare tell her this is a baby u never wanted. You wanted it or u would of done a better job of preventing it. Be happy that baby #3 will be the apple of your eye. Everyone who has an unplanned pregnancy has the feeling of regret at first that didn’t want another one. This will all fade as soon as u hold him/her in your arms. Take some responsibility and just accept it and pray for happy healthy baby and a happy fulfilled life and marriage with your growing family. Not everyone is this lucky.
All I gotta say is it takes two people to make a baby. You shoulda got that snip snip if having another kid get is really this of a hardship for you.
Should have got a vasectomy if you didn’t want more kids, can still get one done now.
IUD causes cancer
If it was such a massive problem you should’ve prevented it fully. Now you gotta handle the consequences especially if she doesn’t want to abort.
You’ve guilt tripped her enough, her decision is her decision, don’t dismiss her and make her at fault for the difficulties this third baby will bring. You took that risk that not getting a vasectomy and fucking, these are the consequences.
She knows how hard it will be, but a traumatic experience like a forced abortion would be even more horrible for her as it would break her emotionally and mentally. You don’t care and just see the logical and number justifying your opinion as the only right one while you CANT understand what MAKING a child inside you feels like.
You shame and threaten to resent her for a very normal and very valid emotional reaction and resulting decision. Stop.
She’s not the one changing all of your lives.
She got the IUD.
You did not get the vasectomy.
YOU are the one who put the two of you in this position.
More accurately – YOU are the one who put your wife in the position of having to think about an abortion.
YOU are the one telling her what to do with HER body because you couldn’t manage yours.
YOU are responsible for this situation, and the consequences of having to deal with something this major should fall heavily on you.
Condom or vasectomy dude. It takes two to get pregnant sounds like your wife is doing her part by being on hormonal birth control. Vasectomy is a quick procedure and less harsh on your body than the hormonal contraception she’s on.
What you should have done was gotten a vasectomy or stopped having sex. Obviously you know how kids are made. But too late for that, so I guess you don’t have much of an option. If this is a dealbreaker for you though, you need to tell her that sooner rather than later so that she can make a fully educated decision knowing exactly what cards are on the relationship table.
FAFO coming for you. Should have got that vasectomy and not put it all on your wife
She’s forgetful? Why was birth control solely her responsibility?
Go get a vasectomy.
If you didn’t want to have any more kids you should have got a vasectomy.
Buckle up.
The other people here have the pregnancy aspect covered for your wife, so let’s talk about something else- is she receiving any kind of therapy for her depression and anxiety? Any medication? Staying home with depression and anxiety and raising 2 kids is not a good recipe for positive habits and improving mental health. Even if she’s back to work, she needs to see someone. And both of you need to see someone together about managing responsibilities in your relationship and communication.
I’m bringing this up because if you have a 3rd child or don’t have a 3rd child, these issues need addressed. If she’s not in therapy or on medication, she needs to be. If she is, she needs to be re-evaluated because it’s not working.
I never understood the whole “yeah, we have unprotected sex regularly, but I am so surprised my fertile spouse I have had 2 children with already is pregnant again.”
If you didn’t want more kids, you should have gotten snipped. You left birth control up to your wife. Now, you get to experience the consequences of putting that decision on another.
You don’t want more children, but you put the ENTIRE RESPONSIBILITY of not having them on your partner? You’re an asshole.
If you didn’t want a third child you should have gotten a vasectomy, end of story. Now accept that you’re going to be a father again and support your wife like she deserves.
I have an IUD and just this week found out I was pregnant and have to have surgery for an ectopic pregnancy. There is a 50% chance it could be an ectopic if she has a hormonal IUD. Please call her doctor and get an ultrasound as soon as possible.