I (29F) have been with my boyfriend (31M) for a while. A few months ago, we both found out during a pap smear appointment I had while we were together that we have HPV.
I made it crystal clear from the start that this was supposed to stay between us. It’s private, sensitive medical information, and I expected him to respect that.
Since then, I’ve had to go through an operation because of it. That was already emotionally and physically hard enough without worrying about other people knowing.
Recently, I found out he told his friends anyway. I don’t know how many people he’s told or exactly what he said, but I know for a fact that at least some of them know now.
I feel humiliated, betrayed, and honestly disgusted that my own partner would violate my trust like this. It’s not just gossip it’s my health, my privacy, and my right to choose who knows about it.
When I confronted him he told me his friend asked him in insinstance and that « she looked straight in his eyes and he had Choice but to tell her ». I feel violated.
I’m seriously considering ending the relationship over this. I can’t shake the feeling that he doesn’t respect me or my boundaries at all.
How do you even begin to rebuild trust after something like this? I feel so crushed and ashamed that a bunch of people I don’t know that much know about a médical secret. I didn’t Even told my brithers about it. But some girls in his group of friend know.
TL;DR : We found out together we have HPV during my pap smear. I told my boyfriend, very clearly, that it was a secret. I even had surgery because of it. He told his friends anyway. Now I feel betrayed and am considering breaking up.
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Absolutely unacceptable. The think to ask yourself is this part of a broader pattern of not listening or respecting you, or putting others above you?
Does he recognise he did wrong or is he saying you are overreacting.
If he is not apologetic I don’t see a way forward together.
How you feel is what is the most important factor here. If you feel this is too much, then it’s too much. Sharing personal medical information like that is pretty insulting to any private setting you have. If he’s announcing the HPV to everyone, imagine what else he’s announcing
YOU BREAK UP. He showed you quite clearly that you can NEVER trust him. This needs to be a one-and-done situation. No second chances.
Look him deep in his eyes and break up with him.
What friends of his are looking them dead in they eyes demanding to know his girlfriends business? Like i cant imagine a scenario like that happening? I can picture somone asking if your okay/sick/going through something and at that point he should have been vague
the fact that he tried to defend it instead of apologizing and acknowledging that is the real red flag to me