I’ve been with my boyfriend Peter for a year. We live in a country where none of us is originally.
I have met his best friend Charlie. Charlie is one of my least favourite people in the world. Everytime I interact with him I feel drained. He has a way to objectify women and just an approach to life that I don’t share.
Anyways, Charlie is getting married next year in another country (over 24 h flights with connections). He invited my boyfriend and extended the invitation to me.
Initially my boyfriend Peter said we could go together and make a holiday out of it. We’d go to the wedding for one day and then take 3 weeks just the two of us. I was excited.
Today Peter told me the actual date of the wedding and informed me he’s doing a guys trip (with Charlie and other male friends), they’ll be doing 9 days around the country and I was welcome to join them. Mind you, this is just his group of male friends, not even the wife is invited. I said it sounded much like a bachelor’s trip and I wouldn’t fit in there.
I felt hurt that he changed the initial 3 weeks romantic plans for a “I’m going with my mates, you’re welcome to join us”.
I acknowledge he has the right to travel with his friends and to celebrate the bachelor. But I can’t help and feel hurt.
He also said he would under if I prefer not to join. It feels almost like he’s expecting me not to go.
Can you please advise me, am I being over sensitive about this? Shall I look for a compromised solution like he going with his mates first, then I’d join for the wedding and then have some travel by myself?
Or shall I skip the wedding all together (I’d be paying for my overseas tickets, a dress, make up, all that jazz) or if I should better use that time and money on a solo trip.
I dislike Charlie as a person, and I haven’t met the bride.
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If he didn’t plan to spend this time with you, then him going on a trip with the boys would be different. But he did plan this, and then “invited” you, but not really. I would get mad.
And you hate his friend. And the wedding is far away.
Honestly, I wouldn’t bother going.
(I’d also be sceptical if my partner had such a “best friend’ but that’s beyond this question)
My honest opinion? They are organizing bachelor trip that they do not want any of their women be involved- because probably they will do sth none of them want you to know or be a part of. Maybe it is just me reading too much reddit, I would expect them hitting strippers clubs or sth crazy like in The Hangover movie.
Everything comes to what you and your bf are telling each other and what are your boundaries in such kind of event. So the conversation what how and when should be in place. Second thing is that your bf changed your plans without him telling you. A trip you were supposed to lie money too. That is not right and that should be adressed by you pronto. Should you come to Charlie wedding? I think if you do not like him or you think he will pull a stunt on you- then do not go.
I wouldn’t go. I would also leave him while he’s on the trip. He’s not boyfriend material. You deserve o
Walk.
It worth all the money you are going to spend for that person’s wedding who you don’t like. Also your bf wants you to not join the boys trip and is indirectly making you not go. I would leave both the wedding and him if this happens to me
Your boyfriend invites you. You get so happy. Then he ditched you for his friend trip. He really doesn’t want you to go.
Your boyfriend is a jerk for not following through with your plans or evening rearranging. For example 9 days guys. 2 weeks with you. He lied to you and puts his friend needs before you.
Sorry I wouldn’t go. I would call him out on it. Because he will do it again with the same friend. I don’t like his lack of commitment to your plans and he is not being fully honest.
Don’t put up with it. Call him out tell him how disappointed your are. He can do what he wants. But you don’t have to put up with it.
Run, he’s gaslighting you. He was told about this “boys trip” after he asked you so he’s trying to say you’re invited but make it sound like you wouldn’t have a good trip. This is a trip for misogynistic behavior. They are going to party and sleep around. Your boyfriend knows this and hopes you don’t go. He doesn’t sound like a keeper.
Is he doing this boys trip before the wedding?
If so, it sounds like a bachelor party and I would rather stick my head in a toilet than attend. Odd he invited you if it is.
why you can’t reach some form of compromise. Like boys trip pre wedding, you meet at wedding, then continue with the plan with a romantic ten day vacay with just you two.
he has fucked you over by planning with you then bailing but if he’s part of a wedding party there can be a lot of peer pressure to deal with and fluid plans. Have a chat with him and tell him how you feel and see where his head is at.
You’ve made a solid case for not going, that’s for sure. There appears to be no upside to this whatsoever and I think you should tell your bf exactly that. He went out of his way to make you feel unwanted and succeeded.
The bachelor trip for me would be relationship ending. Not even acknowledging that he made other plans with you is either outright rudeness or avoidance. He knows, and he knows you’d be disappointed, and he wants you to be the bad guy for bailing. All very unattractive and immature behavior. Your time is better spent elsewhere.