Hi Reddit,
I’m feeling incredibly low and confused about my relationship, specifically our sex life, and I need some outside perspective. My boyfriend (37M) and I (32F) have been together for about 1.5 years. For a while now, I’ve been having a really hard time reaching orgasm during sex. It’s not something I struggle with all the time, but consistently with him.
We’ve talked about it, a lot. I’ve tried to explain what I need, the kind of stimulation that works for me. He even bought a bunch of expensive sex toys, but honestly, they weren’t really for couples, and it felt like a quick fix rather than a genuine effort to understand my needs. He’s tried to do “more foreplay,” but it feels half hearted and hasn’t actually helped – in fact, it’s almost made things feel worse because it highlights the continued lack of success.
The really painful part is that he seems totally unaffected by my struggles. He reaches orgasm every single time, without fail. It feels incredibly unbalanced, and I’m left feeling inadequate and disconnected. I’ve been trying to bring this up, to guide him during sex, to explain the emotional toll it’s taking on me.
But the worst part came recently. I was trying to talk to him about how this makes me feel, and he actually made a joke, saying that it’s normal that women don’t achieve orgasm. I know he might have meant it as a joke, but it absolutely crushed me. It felt incredibly dismissive of my real struggles and the pain I’m experiencing. It makes me feel like he doesn’t take my feelings, or my sexual satisfaction, seriously at all.
Because of this, I’m starting to feel a huge amount of resentment. It’s reached a point where I honestly want to stop having sex with him altogether because it just makes me feel bad about myself. I feel like I’m the only one willing to put in the real emotional and communicative effort, and he just avoids the serious conversations. I believe he’ll try if I explicitly drive all the effort, but I don’t think he’ll truly change or invest himself without me constantly leading the way. And frankly, I’m exhausted by that prospect.
How do I even get him to understand the depth of my hurt and the impact this is having on our relationship if he just shuts down or makes light of it? I’m at my wit’s end and don’t know how to move forward. I feel like I could be overreacting.
Comments
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Give him a taste of his own medicine. Just stop half way through. Then he’ll understand how you feel.
First don’t be dispondent not that difficult to overcome. Different people has different sex drives ar different time. Been here long enough to know fairly common people. So do not dispair. You can read some books and articles that deal with the issue. Find a licensed sexua counselo
Time for a new boyfriend, getting too old to tolerate not having orgasims. Literally only one guy had ever gotten me to orgasim and I made that man my husband.
It’s normal for women not to orgasm with men who don’t know wtf they’re doing and couldn’t care less, especially if the women accept their behavior and get them off like it’s OK. You do not make him sound like someone who has any interest in understanding your hurt, so nothing you do can make that happen. You’re both too old for this. You deserve much much better. Time to move on.