For context, my fiancé used to be a very social person, meeting with friends all the time for drinks when we lived in own home country. We have been together for 6 years, and 4 years ago we have moved abroad. Since then, I have been planning dates, activities and asking him what we could do together that he would enjoy, instead of only planning my wishes. His response was always vague or saying that there was nothing on his list he would enjoy doing together. I ignored this for sometime but more recently he came to me saying that he misses drinking as it was his only source of joy. My point to him was that there are other things he enjoying doing, like mixing and playing music, jamming with friends, but he is very driven by learning/accomplishing things as a source of “happiness”. Then i asked again to him if we could do anything together that would make him feel happier, as I am available and willing to do things together, and the response was no. Even when questioned if the things we do together now like watching some tv show gives him some joy, he said a straight-forward no. It is very hard to hear this because he is a caring and loving person on the daily basis. I am not sure what to do next as planning things together does not seem to be on his list of things he want to do, even if I am the one planning. I am so confused as I imagine as a couple we should enjoy doing things together. I usually go out with friends, travel alone as this is not in his interest. And at same time, he knows things that make me happy like little surprises, going out on dates and receiving flowers, but his point is that because I told him that I would like him to do it, he lost the interest in doing this for me – so he is choosing not to do it. And we have a wedding planned for December which make me so confused as I love him. Any advices?
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That he said he only enjoys when he is drinking would be a major red flag for me.
I can understand he doesn’t enjoy watching TV with you, because you are not doing really anything when watching TV. You are just disconnecting together.
Maybe you should try to look for new hobbies or activities you can do together, but sincerely I don’t know why he is marrying you if he doesn’t enjoy doing anything with you.
I mean, maybe he doesn’t now, but is he willing to try? If not, why marry someone you don’t enjoy to share your life with?
Why do you love a guy who shows you zero effort and said the only joy in his life is alcohol?
You aren’t responsible for the happiness of your partner. We are ourselves responsible how we feel and our satisfaction in life.
If he feels he isn’t happy anymore, he should figure out why and what he can change. Might be simple things like his job satisfaction or more complicated issues like the beginning of a depression. He needs to work on that asap.
You need to figure out if you want to be with someone who doesn’t find joy in doing the simple things with you. Can he be your husband, which is routine life 80-90% of the time, if he isn’t happy with you right now without kids, without a mortgage, without health problems?
You communicated your wants like an adult and his response is “Well now that you told me I choose not to do them”?????????
Girl… major second red flag after the alcohol comment..