I apologize in advance for another political post. But I guess this is life as an American now. I am so so scared for my son and I really need advice.
Neither my husband nor I have ever identified with a political party. That being said, circa 2025 I am absolutely a democrat and while my husband can claim he’s independent he is definitely on the republican side. His whole family is MAGA to the core though. Fox News is on 24/7, they will do any mental gymnastics it requires to agree with their master, the whole nine yards. It’s been a really big source of conflict for us since January because I don’t want my son around that shit.
The specific issue at hand however, is our son and his upcoming vaccines. My husband is FULLY falling down the MAHA rabbit hole and while he CLAIMS he is not anti-vax (“I just have questions”) that’s where he is headed. When our son was first born, he thought there was an excess of vaccines but he explicitly said something along the lines of “don’t worry, I’m not going to suggest he skips his MMR vaccine or something”. Well guess who doesn’t want our son to get the MMR vaccine now?? LOL COOOOOOOL. He’s suggesting we wait until he’s 15months to get the MMR vaccine (as a compromise, how kind of him) and that we skip ALL of his booster shots.
And the vaccine thing is just the most immediate issue….he’s also questioning the public school system and literally tried to tell me that he thinks teachers are “out to get our kids” and brainwash them into being gay, trans, insert-whatever-republican-dog-whistle-you-want-here. This is HUGE problem for me too. Like, go to therapy dude.
I know my husband is scared. I know Fox News and his parents are preying on his vulnerabilities as a new father and he wants the best for our son. But I also know that the way he’s thinking is going to be harmful to our child.
How do I handle this? With his entire family being full blooded MAGA I feel like I’m alone in this and the ONLY voice of sanity. The vaccines ARE a hill I will die on…but even if we solve this one immediate issue am I in for a lifetime of this? Is he too far gone? How can I get him to reevaluate his thought process?
God I hate this. And I will never forgive the media the people that voted for the current administration. You have literally torn families apart.
TLDR: I’m a democrat, husband is now MAHA/MAGA and we are disagreeing about how to parent our child. Will it ever be salvageable?
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This dude and his family will tear your family apart. Look into divorce because these are fundamental differences. You nor your child are equals in his eyes.
Yes, you are in for a lifetime of this if you stay with him. People like this don’t get better as they get older, they get worse. there’s a one in 1 million chance that he’s going to come to his senses but that’s about what it is, one in 1 million. His whole family is like this and you also need to face the unfortunate reality that there’s a very good chance, your son is going to end up like this too.
You could try going to therapy with him to talk about these issues. And I would stop framing them as political issues because they aren’t political disagreements. You are having fundamental disagreements about how to raise your son. Focus on that.
I would immediately divorce and that’s not a joke. If you stay with him, you’re choosing for your child to become exactly like him or worse. If you divorce, your son might get soaked in the MAGA of it all with your husband’s family, but you’ll be able to explicitly push back and show your son a very different world.
This is a basic incompatibility. Your son’s (and yours) safety comes first. If he hasn’t quite crossed the line yet, you need to have a serious talk with him to see if he’s open to counselling. If he’s not, I’m sorry to say it, but this might be the break point. Good luck.
Girl. The marriage will become what it becomes but you’re a mom first and you need to vaccinate your child.
Staying with someone who is down the MAGA rabbit hole, or has the mentality that would make him susceptible to that stuff, is asking for trouble unless you’re willing to adopt the MAGA mentality.
There’s no way you can functionally coparent with completely opposite beliefs
He said he has questions? Have him bring all of those questions to the doctor and let someone who is qualified to answer them give him his medical opinion.
Just get into his devices and block him from all that noise.
The best day to get away from a toxic asshole is any day over the last ten years when you might have suspected he was part of a toxic asshole movement. The second best day is today.
I wouldn’t stay with a man like that. And I get it, I have family down the rabbit hole too. Or sucks.
Can you show him pics of all the baby burial plots from before vaccines were created? Babies were dying left and right before vaccines.
Can you show him clips of Mitch McConnell talking about the polio vaccine? McConnell is an AH but he at least recognizes that vaccines can mean life or death, I believe he had polio as a kid.
So sorry you’re going through this 😞
Consult with your family doctor about vaccination when parents cannot come to an amicable decision alone. Ask if a male doctor can meet with you both.
I’m no expert and might get ripped for this answer but I would inform myself of future options by speaking with attorneys about hypotheticals.
Consult with a family lawyer and ask what state laws govern the placement of your child if you accept a job in another state. In some states the child essentially belongs to the state in which they were born and a parent cannot move them out of state without the other parent allowing it. Processes for this are murky. Sometimes a grandparent can call and make an allegation that the child has been kidnapped and is being held in another state.
Unfortunately, tricky state laws are the real hurdle to you getting out of this mess. If in laws are MAGA then you know
>they really do not care who they hurt
>they are childishly selfish
>they are unable to think ahead to the outcomes of their immediate, impulsive actions and are more likely to selfishly hurt others to get their way
>they lack any moral fortitude
If you are stuck in a state like this, advocate that your family move to a more lenient, freedom abiding state.
I doubt your husband sees women as people or you as family so you will need to tread lightly. Find reasons to move to the state of your choice that benefit him.
If you stay with him, every communication has to be tuned to what he wants, likes, and flatters him. Even moving to a Conservative part of a Liberal state that values the liberty of the individual over the control of a state is better than being stuck in a Liberal state with freedom restrictive and Authoritarian state laws.
You need to leave, but sometimes leaving takes planning and time.
Tell him it’s not about political misalignment, it’s simply about the fact that he’s wrong.
You’re only in for a lifetime of this if you stay.