I (32F) have been married to my husband (36M) for 6 years. It’s my first serious relationship. I love him, he’s funny, charming and intelligent and we share a lot, but he has always been a little hot headed.
Some context first: a few months ago, a situation at work went badly and I fell into the burnout. I’m autistic, and the burnout has made my executive dysfunction much worse. I’ve been on sick leave ever since.
I have very little energy. Even basic things leave me exhausted. I sleep a lot, socialize very little, skip meals. I know it’s bad but I am doing my best.
My husband has been very frustrated that I’m not respecting his needs. We don’t haev sex, I don’t cook every day, and the house isn’t as tidy as he’d like.
Multiple times, I didn’t take care of things while he was at work so he yelled at me. others, I made him ignore me for hours. I tried to explain that I was struggling too much and he replied that I was using my situation and exaggerating my symptoms for attention.
I tried to push myself to meet his needs and keep up with the house, but every time I quickly got too tired and had to stop. I tried to tell him but said he didn’t want to hear it because he has enough on his plate.
I never know if I am going to make him angry. I have been crying almost every day and I don’t know if it’s the burnout or if it’s because I can’t be there for him. I felt like it would be better for both of us to take a break. He refused and said thdt as his wife, it was my legal duty to be there in sickness and in health.
Two weeks ago, I finally told him I wanted a divorce. He had a meltdown and he yelled for hours, saying I was just confused because of my mental health. he apologized later and said I shouldn’t act irrational like that. I hesitated for a few days and I told him I still wanted to leave, amd he had another meltdwn.
Yesterday, I woke up and went downstairs to find my husband, his parents, and my parents, all waiting for me.
They said they were extremely worried, that they never get news except from my husband. He reported to them he was scared for me because I was isolating and harming myself.
They told me it was okay to need help. That I needed stability. They said they were all there for me no matter what. I cried the entire time. I felt cornered, humiliated, and defensive. I felt like that was not normal. But now I don’t know what to think.
After they left he said he contacted my GP and psychologist to let them know how bad it is, and booked an appointment with a psychiatrist on my behalf. He said they all care about me and want to help me be myself again.
Part of me still wants to leave, but another part of me wonders if they’re right. I still love him. And I’m definitely not at my most stable right now, I am in the fog. to be honest I feel really selfish and guilty about all of this. I am completely overwhelmed.
Could you guys give me an outside perspective on this?
Thanks a lot.
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Why not just separate and go to therapy? Cuz you could need therapy and a divorce just as much.
Just talk to a psychiatrist then decide
They can help you more than Reddit
It sounds like you do need medical care, even though he went about that the wrong way. Please go to therapy and a medical doctor and don’t worry about this until you’ve gotten your health back.
Maybe you ought to talk to a psychiatrist. What harm will be it be, and that way you’ll have a professional impartial opinion of what is going on.
I feel this is outside the remit of Redditor’s advice.
I would leave. I wouldn’t trust him after pulling the intervention stunt and going behind yoir back contacting doctors and psychiatrists. Next thing you know he will lock you up against your will. Your life will be easier without needing to have to please him all the time. He gets angry at you and doesn’t actually help you.
I am not sure but it seems they all are deciding medical intervention for you without talking to you. I would say everyone is lacking the maturity to talk to you and understand why you are feeling what you are feeling. Also being hot headed is not acceptable and cannot be used as an excuse. He needs to work on himself as well to try being calm and actively support you. You should talk to your parents separately. (I am assuming you have good relationship with your parents)
Like the others said, seeing a psychiatrist is a good idea. It will help you handle the burnout and to have a good look at your relationship.
On the other hand: he did not help you when you needed his help. He screamed at you. He makes you feel like an incompetent child. STAY SAFE and plan an exit strategy, should it be necesary.
It is clear you need help. The very basics of life are beyond you….Is there somewhere you can go to get help? I work in recovery and your post was hard for me to discern what is going on. If he is abusive, then leave, but if I had a partner that was doing nothing over time it would get really frustrating. That and mental illness wants people to feel like victims. So please get some help, maybe inpatient since it is so severe. Then as you recover you will find help navigating difficult decisions.
I’m wondering if he is really the cause of your burnout. What do you mean ‘meet his needs’? Sexual? You’re ill and he’s yelling at you and demands to get laid? When you want out, he refuses?
I’m getting really bad vibes.
Go join r/emotionalabuse
I have gathered a few resources I’ve found online and that have helped me immensely.
Most importantly, first read for everyone who suspects or knows they’re in an abusive relationship: FREE book to read online: Why Does He Do That
Podcasts
https://open.spotify.com/episode/4gEMtq4sQqALFCsJCg2V2v?si=iZKxN3n-RqaVl0I3b_AlaQ
https://open.spotify.com/show/1Mg7S5FrwDlcGl84okp7sH?si=TIM3vmDXS8aEy-LYTY_wlw
https://open.spotify.com/episode/6YI4wK5ZdfDVyLR2EEHAKR?si=yatIN_8LTjqTV7ADv5vfiA
https://open.spotify.com/episode/2ZKymZBfiI0zaqdSZcj0qL?si=8-nSajm8QzKhZo52Ge7fBg
THIS ⬇️⬇️⬇️
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If depression is becoming a barrier to regular life activities like work and self-care for more than a week or two, it is time to seek professional help. I definitely think you could benefit from seeing a psychiatrist to help you with healing.
As far as whether you should divorce, I generally think it’s best to not make life-altering decisions when you are in a bad headspace. I don’t think your husband went about it the right way, and yelling is not acceptable. Get some care for yourself first, and then you will be more easily able to work out what is best for your life.
I agree with everyone saying to go to a therapist before making any decisions. As someone currently in the fog and trying to crawl out of it, I would suggest talking to a doctor before making any big decisions. I struggle with executive dysfunction and other things very similar to you. I get it.
Although, the way your husband went about it was messed up and should be brought up in your sessions and fully discussed with your therapist and your feelings on leaving him. If you feel you should leave him during therapy then do what is best for you.
As someone else said you could separate while seeking help as a way to get yourself better and then make your decisions from there. It’s ultimately up to you and what is best for you.
I do hope you get the help you need and things will start getting better for you.
Go to therapy and get well. You can always leave your husband later
You need to see a doctor ASAP. For yourself
https://freebooksmania.com/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that-pdf-free-download-by-lundy-bancroft.html
He is abusive and manipulative. You work, and yet you’re expected to cook and clean to his “standards”? He treats you like a slave from whom he also expects sex on tap. He has manipulated your parents and his parents to believe he’s in the right. This is a toxic marriage.
It does also sound like you would benefit from some mental health help. If you’re burnout and not coping then seeing someone about it is a good idea. That does not give your husband the right to stage a manipulative intervention. It does not give your family the right to infantilise and isolate you alone. It does not make you wrong.
You were strong enough to decide to leave, and you should still probably do so, but get some professional help first so that you’re stronger and better equipped to make the decision. Don’t think about your husband or your marriage. Concentrate only on getting yourself stronger, and then no one can bully or manipulate you again.
Why are you solely responsible for cooking & housework, when it sounds like you both have jobs?
You are allowed to file for divorce without anyone’s permission. Anyone besides you or your husband who has an opinion in this matter is irrelevant.
I would advocate for you taking care of your mental health, especially since you are facing burnout, but it sounds like your husband’s attitude is contributing to the burnout.
If the house isn’t being kept up to his standards why the fuck isn’t he doing it himself? You are being abused and you need to leave. He is manipulating you and everyone around you and trying to make you out to be the crazy one, make you out to be the problem. He booked an appointment so he can control the narrative. DO NOT GO. DO NOT DO ANYTHING THIS ASSHOLE TRIES TO FORCE YOU TO DO. Make an appointment with your own therapist and the second they start to doubt you, leave and find a new one – hopefully it won’t come to that, hopefully they have the sense to see what’s going on here. You are in danger, OP, and you need to get out immediately.
I wouldn’t make any big decisions while you aren’t thinking clearly. Maybe take some space if that’s at all possible and focus on getting well before you decide.
You can do both – you can speak to the doctors and still leave your husband.
Your husbands right, from everything you described the way you’re living is not healthy. If a loved one of mind was displaying the behaviors you described I’d be very concerned for their well being. He probably felt powerless to help you, so he staged an intervention. Do you really think you’re in the right state of mind to make a big decision such as a divorce? From everything you described, I’d say no.
Two things going on here, you definitely seem to be suffering from depression where you can’t function normally day to day. That is a cause for concern and I do agree you need to go see your mental health professional.
The second, your husband totally breached your trust and confidence by staging an intervention as soon as you threatened divorce. Your husband is weaponizing your burn out and depression against you. He’s painted you as “the hysterical wife” that needs help. Why would he say you’re self harming?
I’d tell your husband you need to talk with your parents. Carefully plan ahead of time gathering everything you need like clothes and money. If you can trust your parents go and stay with them and let them know what’s really going on. I would hope they would provide you with a safe place to stay.
You’re in a dangerous situation.
Get out as quick as you can. Everyone is focused on getting you help but the first step is to GET AWAY from that abuser! I’m scared for you just reading this, an autistic myself I know how hard burnout is but Jesus Christ he is HORRIBLE! He’s trying to turn your family against you under the guise of “helpful husband” when all he does is shout and abuse you. I’m scared for you OP!
You are in a scary situation where your husband is being controlling and manipulative.
He talks all about his needs, about YOU being there for HIM, but nowhere in this post do I read him taking care of your needs and supporting you in your sickness. Hell, it doesn’t sound like he even does an equal share of the load. No wonder you’re burnt out!
When you threatened to leave, he spun the story as you harming yourself (which you haven’t mentioned). He’s making your situation look worse for everyone around you, including medical professionals, so that he can get more control over you. If you try to leave, he will make it look like a mental breakdown.
OP, please be careful with this man. I recommend you take more control of your own situation (apart from him) by attending appointments alone, telling your medical professionals that you don’t feel safe with your husband, who explodes at a minor inconvenience. For your psychiatrist, ask what rights you have and steps you can take to get away from your husband.
No, he hasn’t physically hurt you yet, but he is setting up to keep you around no matter what.
Uhhhh you do need medical care bcs this is more than autism or burnout but this sounds like triangulation gaslighting and abuse, which the aftermath of can cause physical symptoms you are experiencing. Everything he is saying/doing are huge fucking red flags. parents of the victim would often co-sign so they themselves don’t have to bother with taking the victim in so they do everything they can to brush under the rug, ignore red flags, all to ensure their empty nest remains empty. Very common. It’s also clear he’s gone behind your back to spin narratives with all the relevant parties needing to keep you compliant. I’ve seen this before
So he watches you suffer for months and accuses you of faking it or exaggerating your symptoms for attention and only thinks to get your GP and psychologist involved when you ask to leave him?
It does sound like you need professional help to overcome your burnout. However I think you need to still tell him you want to separate at least temporarily while you’re getting help. Like I said he watched you suffer for months and was frustrated and had no empathy for your situation. He could’ve gotten you help at any time during your burnout but chose to dismiss what you were saying.
If you are going to work on your mental health, in that environment and with him isn’t the place to do it. You need space to work on your mental health and once you’re in a better place then you can evaluate your marriage.
It does sound like you need medical care, I would keep your appointment but also let them know how manipulative and abusive your husband is. I laughed a little at his rant about “in sickness and in health” because that means he should be supporting you, Not getting on you about housework or cooking not being done; and not when you’re about to leave but when he was first worried.
Instead, his reaction to your sickness is only about how it affects him and not how you’re doing.
You should still get the help but also still leave your husband.
There seems to be 2 very valid issues here.
First, you do sound like you need medical help. You sound very depressed and there are medications that can help you. There’s no shame in using something even if it’s short term.
However that does not mean your husband isn’t treating you poorly. I believe he’s making you worse, not better. He’s selfish and has only piled onto your mental state with his demands.
And for him to bring in his and your family like this was underhanded and wrong without asking you first. I would go to your mother or both parents and be completely open with how your husband is treating you. This is when it is justifiable to tell your family about what’s going on in your marriage. His behavior and demands are emotional and possibly sexual abuse. Tell her everything so she knows what’s happening. You need someone in your corner.
I don’t want to worry you but I’ve read stories where the husband has made his partner out to mentally unstable and made everyone around her believe it so she was isolated. His outbursts about divorce and taking a break are over the top. He seems to relish the control. So this is why it’s important to confide in your parents with what he’s been demanding. That’s it’s not helping your mental health. That you’ve requested a break and he flew off the handle. If he forces you to have sex etc then tell her this. Even if it’s embarrassing. You want to get ahead of him in case he tries to turn everyone against you.
I felt that it would be better for both of us to take a break. He refused and said that as his wife, it was my legal duty to be there in sickness and in health
The hypocrisy here is astounding. If this is how he feels then he needs to take his own advice and be there for you as a caring partner. Not a selfish AH who only cares if he can use you as a living fleshlight.
Imo sounds like you’re dealing with emotional abuse here. He’s expecting you to keep cooking, cleaning, and having sex while you’re clearly struggling with burnout and depression. Those responsibilities shouldn’t fall solely on you. Plus a supportive partner would be asking how they can support you, not yelling or berating you when you can’t manage.
The “intervention” with both sets of parents also feels manipulative—it puts you on the defensive and frames you as unstable, while he gets to present himself as the reasonable caretaker. That’s not fair to you, and it takes away your voice.
Loving someone doesn’t mean tolerating mistreatment. If I were you, I’d leave.
See a psychiatrist. Not the one he selected for you, though. And him going to your GP is sketch, so maybe see another GP if you can. The GP should have told them they could not talk about your care without you being present.
I think you should go to therapy to help YOU but still divorce him. He sounds horrible. Better yourself, become a bad ass and leave. You aren’t well and he was mad at you for what? Not having sex etc. he’s disgusting. Tell me, who owns the house etc.
So instead of asking you about your burnout, he abused you verbally for not taking care of him. Marriage is a two way street. You take care of each other and find help when needed. But this wasn’t help. You have two issues:
A). You need real support for you and burnout and autism. Talk to a professional. Start with your primary doctor to assess overall health and go from there.
B). You do need to leave your husband for his inability to support you. He’s demanding you provide in sickness and in health. But he won’t offer you the same luxury.
Start with your doctor. Tell them this from your POV. You sound like you are legitimately trying to consider him. But he waits until he sets up an intervention to suggest a doctor? He sounds like he’s trying to set you up to be perceived in the negative light by everyone else. Talk to your friends as well about what is going on. You need someone not influenced by him to get support for you.
Is your divorce request reasonable? More likely yes than no. AND you still need support for whatever is happening to you. Both can be true.
Hugs and good luck.
This is beyond Redditt’s paygrade. You need to see a psychiatrist or psychologist. I do have a recommendation for a psychologist who specializes in working with autistic women. She does virtual appointments when needed. I am happy to give you her contact information.
You sound like you are in full-blown autistic burnout. I have had students who needed in-patient or very intensive outpatient treatment when they got to this point. None of us here can really tell you that for sure because we are not physically present with you.
Seeking help from a professional does not prevent you from getting a divorce if you still want to. It just provides some additional support.
He’s gonna get her 5150’ed cuz she wants a divorce…
Reading this makes me want to punch something/someone.
Also stop pushing yourself, you are in burnout, so when you push yourself you make it Worse and risk doing permanent damage to your nervous system.
I once heard someone compare autistic burnout to a newly unfolded memory foam mattres. It needs time to unfold fully, and if you put weight/pressure on it too soon, it will permenantly damaged.
So keep listening to your body and dump the hubby who isn’t there for you in your sickness.
Tell the doctors what he’s demanding of you, and that you are not safe from him–because you aren’t. Do acknowledge your mental health difficulties, and also be clear that he was not letting you recover, or taking care of you in any way. Tell them you do not want to see any of the people at that “intervention” for the time being, as you do not trust anything that he has been telling anyone about you while you have been struggling with burnout.
You need to tell your parents the truth. You are not harming yourself but you are depressed and burnout and he’s mad he currently doesn’t have a maid and cook while you’re burnout.
That you have asked him to be more understanding and wanted a break, but he has refused to help you and so you ask for a divorce, and now he’s telling lies about self-harm.
Ask your parents to take your side. That everything he’s done is so he can get his maid and cook back. Ask them if you can stay with them for a while. That you will seek therapy but that therapy won’t do you any good if you stay with your husband because your husband is mentally abusive and keeps dragging you down and screaming and shouting at you to cook and clean.
He should be supporting you in your time of need by not yelling when you don’t meet his domestic labor expectations. It sounds like he just wants you around for sex and housework. He sounds abusive. You do need to help, but get it while you take a break from him. Can you live with your parents? If you told them that he’s being abusive, would they support you?
You do need professional help and to leave him as quickly and as safely as possible. Can you talk to your family and tell them what is really going on? Will they believe you over your husband? If not what about other family or friends?
He is weaponizing your mental health against you. As other people have said, he trying to control the narrative. He’s a raging narcissist. Do not go to the appointment he made. Make your own. Speak to your parents. Start recording him yelling at you, because they will be hesitant to believe you. Please leave him ASAP.
I would never be able to forgive my partner for talking to my family and my doctors and making me sound mentally unstable. That would be an instant divorce in my books. I’d never be able to trust them again. He went out of his way, after abusing you, to call you crazy in front of your support system. This seems more manipulative than genuinely concerned.
He’s an abuser and abusers will groom the other people in your life, sometimes like this
You need to find someone who can advocate for you and you need DV support
It strikes me as odd that OP is the one w the MH problems and in need of help, yet she perceived her shortcoming to be that she can’t be there enough for the husband. And he expects her to show up just like in normal times. In sickness and in health, this was evoked, yes and it applies to your wife in this case shithead! Yelling at someone in crisis is not ok!
OP you need to talk to MH professionals and postpone the decision on whether to end your marriage until when you’re better. It’s not as important now. But maybe get out of the house if he can’t treat you w consideration during this time.
I do think he meant well when he involved the family tho.
How much of your current mental state is due to his unpredictability, irrationality, and angry abuse?
Can you go stay with your parents or someone else for a couple months and find out?
Be careful that he isn’t setting you up so that he can gain total legal control over you and all your household and family affairs.
Your “burnout” sounds very much like a very deep, months long depression. I certainly understand being appalled by how he handled it (as if you have zero autonomy). It seems you were hoping for this to resolve by itself, whereas he brought in people and tools that actually care about you and may help.
I would take advantage of the professionals and the emotional support you seem to have, and then reconsider leaving and other problems when you are out of “the fog.” Wishing you the best.
Can you go stay with your parents for a bit? Like a few weeks? Unless they have a history of abuse or ignoring your feelings.
He dragged them into this, and he’s only giving them his side of the story. They say they don’t get news from you, so they don’t know what’s going on with you.
You can talk with them about the reality of your current illness/mental health, his reactions in the relationship, and get some outside perspective. Most loving parents would be on your side and help you with leaving the relationship (if that’s what you decide to do after some distance and mental health care).
You’d also get out of the home – he has to do his own dishes, his own laundry, cooking. That’s good for him and good for you too.
And you stop having to carry the burden of the home. Obviously help cook and clean as a long term guest – but you wouldn’t have to do it alone since I assume they fend for themselves most of the time.
I think your husband is being unreasonable, and it sounds like the status quo isn’t working for anyone. He’s angry, you’re drained, your parents are worried. Maybe it’s fixable, maybe not, but I don’t think continuing as it has been will help anyone. And you can’t expect to be able to fix it without some sort of drastic shift – like a change of scenery.
I do think you need medical attention..
Physical and mental health. That being said; I dont think you are wrong for considering a divorce.
Two things can be true at the same time. Your husband can be abusive for yelling at you, and not respecting a boundary (I want to leave the marriage), and he and your family can be right that you need help.
From what you described, it does seem more like major depression than burn out. Meeting with the psych and trying some meds is a good idea. You have nothing to lose.
Worst case scenario it doesn’t help and you also still want a divorce. Best case scenario, meds help and you are now clear headed enough to decide the leave the marriage and know it’s still the right thing to do.
Talk to your family about staying with them. You and your spouse need a break from each other before things escalate further and make you both feel worse.
For what it’s worth I’m audhd and do know where you are coming from.
Beth the medical help. And file for divorce.
Working with a psychiatrist and a psychologist should be the first step. An individual therapist can help you decide if your husband is helping or hurting your progress.
This sounds Very Manipulative on his part.
He did not go with you to see your doctor – but acted as a parent, not a partner – and talked to your doctor about you, not with you. That is scary controlling.
If you think you need help seeing things clearly, then yes, talk to a professional. Be completely honest don’t hold back, about your home life. Your marriage deeply affects your mental health, an unhealthy marriage will ruin you, inside and out.
You don’t deserved to be yelled out. Your husband is your equal not your authority. Hugs.
My ex husband did this. I was sick and had to have 2 (minor) surgeries. It had to do with my reproductive organs, so sex was off the table.
He became abusive. I left.
He called the cops and said I was missing for a week and they picked me up and took me to a psych ward.
My parents believed him..
Hes now my ex husband, I’m NO CONTACT with my parents and am married to a man that understands my mental health (ptsd and bpd from my parents and ex) and picks up the slack when I just can’t function.
Leave him, OP.
YOU DESERVE BETTER.
In a perfect world, you could check yourself in for a month of in-patient therapy to work on your depression.
Your husband, as described, is not handling things with you well at all and if would be best for both of you to spend some time apart
The most charitable interpretation of his described actions is that he is frightened and does not know how to handle what is going on with you.
He would certainly benefit from individual therapy to learn appropriate behavior and to get insight on your struggles
Person with autism here who lives with their s/o who also has autism.
It sounds like your husband is also extremely burnt out from having to work & take over what sounds like most of the household duties.
He is not responding well and needs therapy but on the flip side it’s not fair that everything is falling on him – you need therapy & further help as well.
Please take responsibility for your needs, get help then later assess if divorce is still what is wanted.
Not saying u should stay but i would be upset if my man just decided to stop working for months and wouldnt go see a doctor. Cant tell how much is frustration for carrying everything himself for months or just plain abuse
Tell your parents that the reason you want to leave your husband has a lot to do with his anger issues and because he’s more hindrance than help when it comes to the issues you’re experiencing.
Feeling guilty and overwhelmed about wanting to leave your husband is normal. Ending a marriage is never fun. Personally, at this point I’d pack the essentials and leave while he’s at work.
You should go ahead and see your GP and a psychiatrist because you could use the help. That said maybe find your own psychiatrist instead of the one he picked because I think he said things that would cause bias with the psychiatrist. When you go you need to advocate for yourself. Make sure your husband doesn’t try to sit in on your appointments and make it clear to your health providers that you expect them to form their opinions and diagnosis based on what you tell them and not what your husband told them. Make sure they know he’s saying a lot of things that are not necessarily true (self-harm?) because you told him you wanted a divorce. Tell them you do not feel safe at home because it sounds like your husband is setting you up to make your situation look worse than it is.
Talk to a psychiatrist. Clearly your husband cares about you deeply and the symptoms you’ve described sound way bigger than burnout.
Let’s look at the issues here. She is having a
Mental crisis. In turn the husband is also in crisis. Their relationship has deteriorated to the point where it’s totally dysfunctional. While divorce might solve issues in the short term it will not solve the woman’s mental issues that have been an underlying cause of the rift. Not blaming her for the entire situation but she does play a big role. She needs to seek psychiatric help before resorting to divorce.
You need to pack up and move out and give no one your new address . Find yourself a new psychiatrist! You are being emotionally and verbally abused. You need to protect yourself . You are NOT the ah. Quit allowing your husband to control your narrative!
Maybe think a moment with your brain instead of with your feelings your autistic that should be your strength. He’s trying to help you legimattaly just like your family and you just push him away and you even asked for a divorce. If he didn’t care about you he would have toke it but you clearly don’t care enough about him because your the one asking.
Girl, don’t let him make those decisions for you.
He’s right but you need to choose your psychiatrist, don’t go to the one he picked. And don’t do another intervention – you don’t need that kind of pressure. Just walk out.
And I do recommend taking a break to clear your head.
he yells at you for not performing and tells you that he thinks your symptoms are made up but suddenly the second you wanna leave him your symptoms are so bad that he doesn’t think you can manage to even make a doctors appointment for yourself.
you’ve been telling him that you’re not well and he dismisses it so why would you think it was important to bring up to your parents? maybe you should ask him when exactly he started to believe you and why he didn’t give any smaller efforts of support before jumping straight to
public humiliationan intervention?idk op, i don’t trust this one
Look you need to get it together fast before your husband has you committed!!! Go along with the plan and cooperate but still file for divorce. He wants to control you and has taken several steps to do that. Telling false narratives to your family’s, getting you set up for appointments. Yeah you need to talk to your parents and tell them everything that’s going on. As your husband holds all the cards to have you committed or doped up. Maybe you do need a psychologist to help you with your depression.
I think you should just go for the divorce. This man wants a maid, not a wife.
It sounds like you are depressed. I think your husband did the only thing he could think of to help you. You state you know you haven’t been in the right frame of mind and it had adversely affected your marriage. He cares about you and is clearly concerned about the shift in dynamics. It’s been dysfunctional. I think therapy and a total medical work up would be the best thing for you before you make any decisions you might regret.
Honestly it sounds like you are in an emotionally abusive relationship and it has worn you down to a point of being unable to function. respectfully I think you need to get at least separated from your husband and work on your mental health with professional supports until you feel better and clear enough to make decisions for the long term.
Yes go to a therapist but let’s not gloss over the fact that your husband is still a piece of crap for having THE GALL to say in sickness and in health TO YOU.
YOU ARE THE ONE THAT’S SICK AND HE DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT.
I mean, yes, psychologist. Very good idea,fully support, just make sure they haven’t been biased by a 30 minute conversation with your husband, because you need to be able to safely relay his behavior to them as well….
Your husband’s behavior is very concerning. The whole “in sickness and in health” is about HIM caring for YOU when YOU are sick. Hence YOU caring for HIM when HE is sick too. It does not mean “hey you have to be fine and do all the things for me even though your mental health is fucked”, because MaRrIaGe. This should be a time where is he taking care of you some. Besides, if you were both working full time, house care should have been split 50/50 anyway. Yes, it’d be ideal if you picked up some stuff since you’ve been home, but not while your mental space is so fucked up. The fact that he has the AUDACITY to bring up sex right now….
Please see professional help, even if it is not the person he chose. And bring up alllll of the things bothering you. Internet hugs if you want them.
The fact that you have had to take leave from work but he still expects sex tells me he doesn’t have your best interest in mind. And a “legal” responsibility in sickness and health? That isn’t a thing, but if it was, he would have a responsibility to take care of you right now. You are the one who isn’t healthy. That doesn’t mean you take care of him regardless of how you feel.
From what you’ve said, living with him is, at minimum, contributing to your exhaustion. I would see your gp and mental health professional and ask them for resources to leave your abusive relationship.