So I’ll try to keep this short. But my girlfriend and I have been together for 6 years, the relationship is very serious and it has its good and bad but mostly good. The bad is that I do overthink things and she does have problems with setting boundaries with people.
So a few years ago she tutored the kids of a family friend, a single father that lost his wife just at that time. He is about 20 years older than her. So all is good until her mother tells me she is seeing this man acting more inappropriate towards my girlfriend, her mom picks her up and drops her off to save fuel costs. When I asked my girlfriend she said that he does give her a lot of hugs and tells her how much he needs her,and sits with her a lot and holds her hand. I shrugged it off as the mom being paranoid and the man grieving. But then she did end up stopping the tutoring due to it getting awkward and the tension it was causing. I trust her but the only thing I was upset about is having to hewr this from her mom and not her.
So anyway fast forward 2 years and I find out,qgain through her mom that my girlfriend and this man is texting. I didn’t mind it as I again thought the mom is just paranoid, and I told her that I trust her and this man was probably just grieving. Her reply to this is that no she knows for a fact he has feelings for her and eant to be with her….and for some reason this made me blow my top. I told her I am disappointed that she kept her texting him from me, and that her texting him knowing that he has feelings for her makes me feel uncomfortable. I also found out she sent him photos of her… nothings weird but just to show “how she looks now”…which also caused me to fighting with her. And that he also apparently a while back tried to get her to leave me and move in with him.
It feels wrong for her to be talking to him even though it’s just “innocent”. I feel like I’ve been taken for a fool but I am also not sure if I am just over reacting. I told her I need some time to think because her not communicating is a constant problem in this relationship.
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Her mom is telling you she’s being inappropriate. She’s sending the man photos.
What more do you need here to walk away?
This is extremely disrespectful, she keeps talking to the man who wants her to leave you for him and who has feelings for her. She likes the attention, hid it from you and sees no problem entertaining a man who wants to have sex with her…yeah, this is emotional cheating.
She entertaining attention from a man who she knows has feelings for her. She’s opening the door to him and his affection. This is not okay. She need to either shut him down completely or you need to end it. She is not being respectful of you or your relationship. This is a pattern for her. Stop letting it slide
It is the most obvious thing in the world the older man wants to have sex with her if he hasn’t gone in that direction in some way already. Your girlfriend cut the situation off after keeping it from you, then chose to reengage with him. That is an enormous problem. She knows what she is doing.
I do not think it can be innocent if one person has feelings for the other. Then it is no longer a friendship. He is a suitor. It does not matter what intentions your partner may have, this other person has goals detrimental to you all’s relationship. And, given enough time, can slowly but surely break down your partner’s boundaries and defenses. This is how emotional affairs start if your partner does not take the potential seriously.
It is a very slippery slope imo and it is best to cut ties. Personally, I would see this suitor as an enemy of my relationship. And expect my parnter to see it the same way.
She is hiding shit from you in regards to another man. What you do is leave her.
She is secretly texting a man she knows wants a relationship with her.
She has been inappropriate with him to a sufficient degree that her mother has noticed.
She has disregarded how it makes you feel.
I’m going to bet you haven’t seen the texts or the pictures they’ve exchanged.
This is not innocent.
It is also not something that can be resolved with a demand or an ultimatum. She cares more about texting him than she does about your feelings. She has chosen to continue.
A demand to stop will only lead to greater secrecy and that enhances their intimacy.
An ultimatum asks her to choose. But she already has.
I’m sorry, but I think you already know your relationship has reached its end. Better to formally end things before the bitterness and toxicity spoils the good memories.
It’s clearly not “innocent” if the guy has admitted to having feelings for her and wanted to take her away from you
Dude, nothing about this is “innocent”. An older man is trying to bag your GF and she’s not setting boundaries or being honest with you. You’re not overreacting, in fact you should demand she cease communication with him immediately. She already stopped tutoring his kids 2 years ago because of how creepy he was, now she’s entertaining him again. This is legit how affairs start.
Her own mother is saying it’s creepy. You know it is, and her excuses aren’t okay. She’s acting inappropriately, and she is encouraging this grown man to continue to be creepy and inappropriate with her. It is NOT innocent if he has expressed his feelings to her and is literally continuing to persue her and she refuses to shut it down. She either likes the attention and doesn’t care that it’s disrespctful to your relatikomship (break up) OR she is already cheating (break up). There is no explanation that would explain why she’s continuing to have contact with this man who has professed his love for her.
But honestly fighting about this isn’t going to make a difference, because you know she’ll just do this again int he future. With a coworker, with someone else. You now know that she son’t respect your relationship and will allow outside people to pursue her. For what? Ego boost? Possible cheating? It really doens’t matter. You don’t like it, and you shouldn’t have to deal with it. But your only option is to break up.
I came here to just say Gross. This man and your girlfriend are acting horrible. He’s trying to get in her pants and she’s falling for it. Committed for six years and she does this. You are better off single.
This is infidelity of some category. When a girls own mother is telling you something isn’t right, how much more info do you need to get it? You have to handle it now
UpdateMe!
What more evidence do you need that she’s at a minimum involved in an emotional affair? She’d be my ex gf yesterday if it were me.
Okay but W mom.
It’s not innocent. He wants to bang. She herself admits this.
She likes the attention (and maybe more) but won’t admit it.
Time to move on. She’s either hopelessly naive and totally insensitive to your emotional needs or she’s gaslighting you. Either way it’s bad.
Sac up and get out of there.
Her Mom has been warning you repeatedly and you decided to ignore her and act surprised Pikachu face when it turns out to be true. You are being very blind to obvious behavior that even her mother had a problem with. She is not trustworthy and unless you want to always wonder what she’s really doing you need to leave.
You are under reacting, she is looking to keep him as a backup, or monkey branch to him with you as a backup
Which doesn’t matter, walk away.
BTW- she engaged in cheating in my book, at least a form of it!
The worst kind of blind is the one that simply refuses to open his eyes. Why make a post on something that you clearly already decided what to think about it?