I’m going to keep this short because I just want opinions. I try not to compare my relationship to things I see online. Comparison is the thief of joy and all that. And I would like to say my husband is a great man and very protective of me. There’s only one thing that bothers me, which is he tends to walk ahead of me in public.
Now I’d like to start by saying I’m currently 19, almost 20 weeks pregnant. I tend to be a little slower than him anyway, because like my legs are shorter. And he just tends to hustle when he walks. But lately it’s gotten worse because I have bad lower back pain and I kind of hobble around. It’s really started to bother me lately because even if I wanted to, I can’t really walk any faster than I’m already going.
Anyway, yesterday we were in the parking lot walking into Walmart. It’s hot as ever (107f), my body hurts, and I just want to get this trip over with. He’s of course maybe 20 paces ahead of me. He literally just took off walking and again, left me behind. This time, I called out his name and said “wait for me!” But he just kept walking. A man made eye contact with me, and shook his head in sort of a sympathetic way. I kept walking until I caught up with my husband but I felt really embarrassed.
I regretfully started crying in the produce aisle. He asked me what was wrong and I explained that it looks bad when he walks ahead of me, and it hurt my feelings that he straight up ignored me. It’s one thing when I’m just being slow but now I’m pregnant and physically can’t walk fast. I told him about the guy and he for some reason got annoyed at him, like it wasn’t his place to react that way. His excuse was because it was hot he just wanted to get into the store as quick as possible, and he knew I could walk faster if I really tried. He seemed apologetic about the fact that I was upset, and obviously a pregnant crying lady in Walmart looks bad. I didn’t want to embarrass him but it made me feel really sad like he just didn’t care to stick by me.
Anyway, this whole thing has me feeling a little down and I’m not sure if it’s worth bringing up again. Like if it’s actually a problem or I’m just being a crazy hormonal pregnant lady. I’d love to hear other opinions. Am I being over emotional about this situation?
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You are not being overly emotional. Your husband is rude as hell.
At some point, just for shits n giggles, I duck into a coffee shop and let him wander off.
Just to see how long it takes him to notice.
“Like if it’s actually a problem or I’m just being a crazy hormonal pregnant lady. “
Could be a little bit of both ? I guess it really depends on how extreme it is normally as it’s kind of selfish of him to do that at Walmart but I kind of get it with it being 107 out lol.
But if he’s frequently doing it and disengaging with you in conversation, then that’s pretty disrespectful if it happens like that outside of this one situation. So i guess it depends on what it looks like in other scenarios
You are not over emotional. You should tell him in a calm, rational discussion that you would like for him to walk with you at the same speed. Many years ago, my now husband would walk way faster than me and I told him it bothered me. He didn’t even realize that he was doing it and has never done that since (more than 2 decades). If he really respected you, he would slow down for you. You can make the point that you are carrying his child, and it is physically changing your body, which makes it difficult to walk. He needs to show the mother of his child respect.
He’s being a rude asshole. It’s actually a problem
and it makes sense you’re upset about it. It was rude of him to do this before you got pregnant, and now it’s just downright awful. You are tired, stressed, and your body can’t handle as much exertion anymore. The last thing you need is to be chasing him all over a store when he could just be making an effort to stick by you.
I don’t think you’re being emotional at all. If I were to give him the benefit of doubt, I’d say your husband sounds stupid or absent-minded at best. But the fact that he ignored you and said you could walk faster if you tried is, ??? WTF? Totally insensitive.
What other areas of your life does he tend to downplay your needs and “leave you in the dust?”
This isn’t going to get better as time goes on.
He’s going to do the same thing when it’s a kid walking with you.
I think the worst sign is that he was only concerned with getting into the store for himself because it was hot. He could have dropped you off at the front, ordered online (it’s Walmart, their delivery/pick up options are easy, anything other than what he did.
However: context is extremely important.
How is he about your pregnancy outside of that?
“He asked me what was wrong and I explained that it looks bad when he walks ahead of me”
It looks bad… to who?
I can promise you that the people of walmart do not even notice this, they are busy with their own lives – and regardless, who really gives a shit what other people think?
I understand that you don’t like him walking ahead of you, you would rather him be by your side because it’s just nice but making this about what other people think is not “it”.
This is about you and your feelings, your valid feelings about just wanting your partner to be by your side, don’t make it about “public appearances” or whatever, especially in a place like walmart.
So I see two issues here: Your husband is not being considerate of your condition and not sticking by your side (Dick move), and you are putting way too much weight on the opinions of other people in situations that are entirely inconsequential; he should do better for sure!
You should also work on the way you perceive the way people perceive you, when that baby pops out you are going to have all sorts of situations in public where people look at you awkwardly, or even straight up judgmentally, especially the “Child free” people who feel like because they are “Child free” they deserve to exist in a Child free world.
For example, you take your kid on the bus or an airplane and they start crying because well, they are a baby, someone is going to roll their eyes or shoot a dirty glance – Will you cry, get anxious, have your day ruined? I hope not, because those people do not matter.
My friend had a boyfriend like this. I have no advice but it was annoying as hell
I find it insanely rude and disrespectful when people do this, it would honestly be a deal breaker for me when dating someone. (Obviously more complicated when you’re married and pregnant). What he could have done is dropped you off at the door and then parked and hustled in. Either way, he’s acting like a huge asshole and you’re not just being dramatic or hormonal. This is worth a serious talk and if he can’t/wont change certainly wouldn’t be out of line to go to couples therapy. If he STILL doesn’t care and just constantly abandons you by walking so far ahead, I would give a real hard honest look at your relationship and see if this is the only way he is disrespectful and uncaring or if it likely shows up on various ways all the time.
As a man, it’s his job to protect you, especially when you’re most vulnerable. What if you were getting mugged? He wouldn’t even know!
I would be upset too and find it to be disrespectful honestly.
Unless he’s about to poop himself, there’s literally no reason he can’t take the time to walk with you.
“He knew I could walk faster if I really tried.”
Honestly what a bellend. I don’t blame the other guy for feeling sorry for you — I feel sorry for you. You’ve got a shitty husband and you’re still on here going But could it just be my crazy hormones?? Nope. You’ve just got a shitty husband who isn’t really sorry btw just embarrassed another man looked down on him. He’ll keep doing it obviously.
Every time he does it I’d just stop walking. Or go off in a completely different direction. Make the whole shopping trip etc into a way longer ordeal than it has to be. Or y’know just go on accepting being left behind like a stray dog. Incredible. All these posts about men that don’t actually physically want to be with their wives.
Tell bro to sit into his hips when he walks with you. There’s no reason he should be 20 paces ahead of you??? You’re not being overly emotional queen
Oh yes, the mine thumper. Very considerate of him!
My entire family walks 90% of my speed. If I speed up, they speed up, if I slow down they slow down. When I stop and wait for them to catch up, they walk slower and slower as they get closer. Maybe I smell bad.
So I do see that trend where women believe the relationship won’t last as long as the man’s walking ahead and leaving you behind. I however believe that men are stupid and aren’t even thinking about it, it’s not personal. You have to train our men. For me, this would happen a lot (even when I was pregnant) and I would either A. Grab his hand and not let go B. As soon as he walks ahead of me I walk slow as ever, go on my phone and walk away somewhere else. He notices and comes right up to me. Just be that bi***. I know it hurts the feelings I truly do. But do not take it personal, and don’t let him make you cry. Just walk away from him and do your own thing haha.
You’re not being over-emotional. If he knows it’s hot and you can’t walk very fast because you’re pregnant, he should be dropping you off at the front of the store and parking. Pregnancy is absolutely a disability, and he sounds ableist AF for thinking you can keep up while carrying another human when you had trouble keeping up in the first place.
You need to have a talk with him about accommodations, because you’re only going to slow down more as you get bigger.
As for crying in the middle of Wal-mart, maybe it’s an over-reaction BUT you’re hot, pregnant, and hormonal in addition to him straight up ignoring you. I’ve cried over less while pregnant.
Can someone, or something, because it sure ain’t my husband, explain why walking a few steps ahead means more to some men than being there for their partner?
very rude, no common courtesy. My man always walks by my side, holding my hand, ESPECIALLY pregnant. That’s just common courtesy!
Just let him walk off, go into a shop or cafe, take your time…if he even tries to find you!
My last gf was the same way. She would walk way ahead of me and not even pay attention to where I was or what I was doing. Rude people suck I’m sorry!
He’s not the “great” man you think he is. Very selfish.
You’re carrying and will birth his baby, but he’s basically acting like and telling you “You’re pregnant. I’m not. We’re not. You can go through this alone.”
Your best friend would never treat you that way. Why is it okay that he does?
(When I say “okay”, I mean staying with someone who obviously treats you poorly.)
Just a heads up OP, my boyfriend has way longer legs than me and walks faster than me. To counteract this, when he realizes that he’s leaving me behind, he actively slows his pace to walk with me. Sometimes I walk faster than him (I also like to hustle when I walk) and do the same thing for him. Your husband is just an AH.
I also find it very difficult to walk long distances, as I have medical problems. Yesterday I was walking with my BF and my brother uphill in the summer Seattle heat. They both waited for me to catch my breath and get up there with them. What your husband is doing isn’t normal, and he seems kinda douchey.
All this to say, you’re not overreacting. If it just happened a couple times where he didn’t realize and you hadn’t communicated, that would be one thing. But EVERY TIME and he got upset that a random man gave you a sympathetic look? And he basically just disregarded your feelings to make it seem like you’re just being an emotional burden? That’s crazy, and you deserve better lol. I understand wanting to get out of the heat. I’m from Alabama. But I have NEVER left my partner behind just because it’s hot. If anything, he should be wanting to help you get into the store faster because you’re pregnant with his child and it’s hot AF. You need to tell him this shit ends now.
ETA: It’s also crazy that he straight up tried to tell you that it’s okay that he left you behind bc he “knows you can walk faster” as if you’re not heavily pregnant with HIS child. Strap a 25lb weight to him, and when you walk faster and leave him behind, tell him you wanna get out of the heat and you know he can walk faster than that.
SMH, that’s just rude & inconsiderate.
and he knew I could walk faster if I really tried.
Er, no. Your pregnant, uncomfortable and in pain, What is he going to be like when you’re post partum?
Your husband is inconsiderate and rude as fuck. A compete stranger saw this and was appalled.
just being a crazy hormonal pregnant lady
NO. FFS women are always being told to doubt themselves when confronted with poor behaviour.
He’s just not someone who is fully capable of the emotional side of things.
This is going to be a massive problem and not something you can ignore. What if you have a traumatic birth? Unhelpful medical staff? You’re scared, in labour and in pain? Or PPD?
Walking wise – how fast are you going to be with a toddler or pushchair in tow?
YOu need to know this man has your back.
It’s actually a big sign of disrespect. The fact that he does it when you are pregnant is unacceptable. His ‘it was hot’ is just bullshit!! Does he think the weather was different for you???
It’s not a dealbreaker by any means but I would talk to him about it when you aren’t in the moment. I can’t tell you how great my marriage is but I’m a fast walker and often catch myself walking ahead and needing to slow down. If he is willing to listen and work on this and your marriage is otherwise wonderful, you should be good.
I went to EPCOT with my (now-ex for many reasons) husband and our 10 year old daughter. He has long legs and my daughter and I had to literally jog/run to keep up with him. It was hot out. Finally my daughter and I just decided to go at our own pace. We had a cell phone so we could find each other if necessary.
When he realized we weren’t with him and met up he asked why we were going so slow. He said if we didn’t hurry we’d miss out on so much and couldn’t see/do all the stuff he wanted us to do! I’m like, it’s freaking hot out, we have to run to keep up with you and it’s not enjoyable to us at all! I would rather see less things and not be miserable.
He did begrudgingly slow down a bit more and me and our daughter weren’t so stressed out and could enjoy the day more.
Try to just stop or walk at your own pace the next time he speeds off ahead of you. It’s a LOT easier for him to walk slower than it is for you to try to keep up with him.
Hilarious that you say he is very protective of you but he is basically abandoning his wife and future child.
I walk with friends and kids and stuff in places ALL the time. You know what I never do… walk 20 paces ahead of them. Even when my kids are walking super slow and want to show me every little thing. I dont leave them.
Thats rude af.
The only person who has ever done that is my ex husband. I hated it so much and he never saw a problem with it. “Just walk faster. I cant slow down its who I am. suck it up” When he would walk perfectly fine with my slow ass kids. Again… if he wants to, he will.
This is disrespectful behavior.
Hello! Fast walker has entered the chat 🤣 I’m tall for a girl and I worked with my dad who is tall and I had to keep up with him. I’m also a nurse so time is of the essence.
I slow down and walk with my boyfriend. We generally hold hands too.
That’s a classic narcissist characteristic, OP. Does this kind of behavior bleed anywhere else into your relationship?
Your feelings are valid. I’ve been married over 25yrs & my husband unintentionally use to do the same thing…even walking ahead in restaurants to be seated. Oh, airports are the worst because he traveled for work. I would call him out on it to make him aware when he was doing it. I had to do this a few times to break the habit. He did catch on and now he makes sure we’re paced appropriately and he always allows me to walk in front when being seated at a restaurant. The airport thing…still a work in progress. LOL He’s such a machine at the airport.
Give him time to readjust and keep politely reminding him how important this is to you.
To stop him from walking ahead of you, tell him you want him to hold your hand. That will keep him by your side. And if he starts to pull, pull back and tell him he needs to show down.
He’s either a rude and inconsiderate person (which you shouldn’t marry bc who tf wants to live with someone like that forever?) OR he simply doesn’t like you, and actually might hate you (like if you hated someone but were forced to hang out with them, you’d walk ahead of them and hope they got separated and lost from you for the day) and you should probably not be together.
I personally would get pissed off from this and break up eventually but hey if you think this is just a little quirk, go to counseling for it together
Next time, disappear when he does that and take car and drive off. Don’t answer your phone for a while. Go shopping or get a coffee and take your time.
He’s a giant asshole and honestly I think you should make a big deal about it. Be loud and cry, embarrass him! If he’s ashamed of people knowing he behaves like an asshole then pull the curtain away and reveal his shittiness so maybe the court of public opinion will convince him to behave better.
Let him walk. My ex used to do that and I just walked slower. He’s not going anywhere without you. It’s an asshole move to do that to your partner, especially pregnant.
Your husband is a jerk who is only thinking about himself, especially because he knows you physically can’t move faster right now.
My ex used to do the same thing and would mock me for walking slowly. It’s a form of emotional abuse.