My bf (44m) comes home from work really grumpy, I (33f) get that he probably had a long day but its so frequent, almost just the baseline. He isn’t considering changing jobs or anything, so that’s off the table, but it’s really affecting our relationship. I try to be sweet, offer support, greet him when he gets home, maybe make him dinner but often times he doesn’t want to have dinner. I just feel like I’m walking on eggshells because if I say one “dumb” thing he looks at me like i have three eyes, dumbfounded and confused. There is no room for error without him giving me some snarky reply. He feels like a big baby. I find his behavior almost belittling and manipulative but I don’t think he means it that way? I think he’s truly just stressed from work. It puts me in a bad mood in return, when he shuts me out or is just huffing and puffing around me. Then I withdraw and just want to leave honestly. It’s a very heavy energy and I know he’s working on it but there’s some days where I just don’t even want to be around him. Then he comes back all sweet but by then I’m already over it. Do you think he’s doing it on purpose to shut me out, and that work is just and excuse? Or if he genuinely is just in a bad mood what can I do to protect my peace and have a fun, loving relationship? Btw it isn’t all bad this is like 2-3 times a week for a couple hours, the rest of the time is good. Then some days he’s in a “so-so” mood from work, maybe complaining but not taking it out on me. Still a buzz kill because I really absorb the energy of people I’m around.
TL;DR
Boyfriend is grumpy after work, seems condescending sometimes. I’m walking on eggshells. Is it on purpose? How can I deal with it?
Comments
You’re gonna have to lay it on the table so he knows how you feel. And either he can change, or he won’t, but there’s nothing you can do to make him stop. You’ll have to decide if it’s something you want to live with the rest of your life. I personally wouldn’t. And if my partner told me I made him feel this way I’d be mortified and change immediately. But you can’t make him. If he knows and doesn’t stop, then your answer is he doesn’t care.
You haven’t mentioned if you’ve talked about this with him. Strangers online cannot tell you what’s going on with him. Some people get like that when they’re depressed but it could be something else. You need to communicate with him in a non-accusatory way.
Dump him the man baby.