My fiance 34f found viagra in my 33m bag and wants to cancel the wedding. Long story short, we have been together for 6 years, the last 2 being long distance to get experience to get a better job once we are married. The last couple of months have been very stressful, weight gain on my part, unsure of the visa for my next job, my current job having talks about not paying final bonuses and so on. The stress was getting to me and i even suffered from diarrhoea for the last two weeks due to the stress. I know my body and when i am super stressed, sometimes it affects my private and it wouldn’t stay as hard as usual. I didn’t want to disappoint her the first night I got back and asked the pharmacist what I could take to get rid of this anxiety. He gave me 4 50mg viagra pills and said it should work as a placebo to take away the anxiety, you know a ‘just in case’. Anyway, fast forward to 2 days ago, i got back after a 9 hour flight, tired and still stressed but super excited to see her. She picked me up and we went home, I took 1 pill as a precaution but it seemed it wasn’t necessary because she turns me on without even trying, i threw the pills in my bag and decided to throw it away later. So this morning she wakes me up and is furious because she went through my bag and found it. She said i should have told her and it is a drug, i tried explaining but she just said i didn’t tell her and I hid it from her. The got angry and ripped up the marriage registration documents and left for work. I don’t know what to do. Can you give advice?
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Yeah, don’t get married to that person.
Does your future wife think marriage is a party she can just cancel? Do you want a partner “for life” (the reason people get married) that’s this volatile and not understanding? Sounds like the beginning of hell to me.
This is a wake up call. You’re young. Do what’s best for you. This isn’t it.
This is great news. You dodged a bullet
Why would you have to disclose to her whatever meds you are taking?
I don’t know what would drive a person to come up with a story like this. It’s so oddly specific lol
Sounds like a crazy person. Popping a viagra isn’t even a big deal. Who cares…
She sounds unhinged. Maybe it was for the best.
Updateme
She sounds psychotic. I would leave.
She has no conflict resolution skills.
This is very concerning
How does she normally act to conflict and disagreements? Does she normally talk with you calmly?
She might be stressed due to everything going on with the wedding, and is emotionally overwhelmed
If she is not willing to talk, and jumps to conclusions, that is a HUGE red flag. Pause the wedding and take stock
You didn’t do anything wrong. If this is how she handles something that is a sensitive issue for you, then you should definitely re-think whether you actually want to marry someone this dramatic and insensitive. This is a ridiculous flag, IMO… and I’m a woman, for context.
OP since so many are already calling her crazy let me be the devils advocate. I can understand her side that she feels like she’s not enough and all sorts of feelings from seeing that. Honestly she could think you were cheating on her even, who knows what’s in her head. You could let her cool down so you guys can get your head right and talk it out. If you still see her as being non sensical and distrusting you then maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Too many emotions right now to judge for a marriage. I think you probably should apologize for not telling her but I don’t blame you as it’s one of those gray areas. Marriage is tough and it’s about communication and respect with each other. Wish you both the best through it.
I mean, technically you didn’t tell her. Whether or not you intentionally “hid” it or simply hadn’t gotten around to telling her yet is debatable. Regardless, her reaction is… extreme. What exactly is her issue here? Has she lost trust in you because she feels you lied? Is she assuming you have erectile dysfunction and no longer wants to be with you? Both are deeply troubling. One speaks to mistrust issues. The other speaks to… well, not being someone who is going to stand by you “in sickness and in health.”
Lastly, I noticed a lot of tip toeing around the topic of erectile dysfunction. You did a lot of dancing around it and making various excuses. Stress, weight, diarrhea, anxiety, etc. All of those can indeed contribute to erectile dysfunction, but there is no shame in calling it for what it is. You do not need to be like “oh, it’s not erectile dysfunction, it’s just anxiety.” Both can be factors, and you should be embarrassed about neither. Also, I’m not sure if you misinterpreted what the pharmacist said, but viagra does not “work as a placebo” for anxiety. It does help with anxiety, yes. It’s even sometimes prescribed for performance anxiety, such as speaking events, large gatherings, etc. So it does work for anxiety, but the word “placebo” is misused here. It’s that it is often utilized for this purpose as well. Similar to birth control being prescribed not only for contraceptive purposes, but also for taming cramps and regulating periods. So just be aware that viagra is not a placebo.
Viagra and Cialis each sit in the top 20 most‐prescribed drugs in the US
Your fiancée’s reaction is crazy. While I agree you should have told her you were taking medicine her reaction is over the top. She can’t emotionally regulate herself or communicate in a healthy way.
Leave that basket case
She showed you who she is, your obligation to yourself is to believe her. Run away from this nutjob…
You should have apologized and explain that you were trying to make sure you didn’t disappoint her since you really don’t find her to be very attractive. Then she’d actually have a reason to be upset.
This is what we in the industry call a red flag
The pill box will say when you filled the Rx. She will see youre not cheating.
IF throwing a temper tantrum and not letting you explain is how she communicates when she’s angry my advice is that you avoid signing up for a lifetime of being treated that way.
I’m not saying she’s a bad person, but she doesn’t sound like a great partner. A person has to be a good partner even when they’re upset. It’s easy to be good when things are going well.
Seeing how someone handles disputes can offer a lot of insight into how a future with them will be.
She’s 34.
Unless you’re leaving out previous affairs or something, this is an incredibly concerning behavior for someone who should be a mature adult by now.
I know reddit is big on the whole ~dump them~ thing, but you should, at the very least, if you really, really, really want to stay in this relationship, cancel the wedding and go back to just living together.
And keep your finances as separate as possible…
Update: she says she can’t trust me for a future but will keep dating me, just no marriage
Your dodging a bullet with her. Take time to grieve the loss of the relationship and move on to someone whos understanding.
Just a health heads up.. aside from the issues you are having with your fiance, weight gain, issues with ED, anxiety, not feeling good, it’s all your food that you are eating. Focus on that as well as focus on your relationship. You can look into low carb/high fat diets that lower stress, lower the carbs your body has to process, helps the gut, gets rid of all that extra fiber you are always eating. Plenty of stuff on youtube about it. I personally have been doing carnivore for 3-4 years to control my diabeties. (Endocrinologist put me on jit). Don’t ignore this, it just gets worse. Tackle it!
Fuck all that other shit, they treat anxiety with viagra now!?
She sounds unhinged.
This can’t possibly be the first sign of insanity….
Not anxiety as a whole. Performance anxiety to be specific
She might have been looking for an excuse. I mean if she found heroin I could understand the reaction.
Why is she going through your bag without your permission? That’s a total boundary violation.
She’s looking for a way out dude. Drop her. Period
This is a blessing in disguise.
Is this a complete one-off behavior for her? Has she ever acted like this before?
Something about this really triggered her. It may be something in your relationship history or something that happened a in previous relationship- no clue, but this was a major overreaction. It’s up to her to figure out why she responded like that, and put in the work to defuse the trigger.
It sounds like this relationship isn’t secure enough to go from long distance to marriage. Maybe try addressing that root problem first.
Hey so I’m seeing issues with the way she thinks and the way she handles situations.
Maybe tell her to calm the fuck down and behave like an adult?
your fiance sucks
Can you show her the prescription?