My 34M boyfriend couldn’t bring himself to say he’d marry me 28F someday

r/

I 28F have been with my boyfriend 34M for a little under a year. We each live with our parents since moving out in our country is really expensive.

We’ve talked about moving in together and looking at apartments and thinking about changing jobs to be able to afford to live together.

Anyway we were talking today and I asked if he saw himself married with me. At first he laughed it off but I asked again. He said he did want marriage at some point. I asked him if he saw himself married to me. I specified not next year, not even two, just someday. He started talking about how he dated seriously and he didn’t date to fool around but he never did say he saw himself married to ME. I tried again but he just dodged the question.

I honestly started to cry, it hit me that he did not see himself married with me. He says he loves me all the time and maybe I’m exaggerating. I need someone else’s perspective. Does this really mean he just doesn’t see himself with me?

Comments

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  2. Basic-Escape-4824 Avatar

    It’s your call, but he is clearly not thinking about marriage at this point. Leave if it is what you want now, or stay and understand it may not happen. Either way, don’t bring it up whilst you think through your options

  3. WeeklyConversation8 Avatar

    He’s never gonna marry you. Time to move on. 

  4. stealingyourintent Avatar

    A little under a year is a fairly short period of time to be able to tell whether or not the person you’re with is the person you want to marry and be with until death.

    Putting somebody on the spot with a question like that can be upsetting when their answer isn’t what you wanted. It doesn’t mean he will never feel that level of commitment to you, he’s probably being evasive because he doesn’t want to bullshit you and say “yes darling” if he genuinely doesn’t know yet.

    Relax and give it time I think. Just enjoy being with each other and those ideas of marriage will occur to you both naturally.

  5. Professional_Ice4866 Avatar

    It is either you accept his answer and also accept that you may not get married to him in the future, because he either does not want to marry you or does not think to marry in general or you end things and find someone who marry you for you. This is your choice to make. Choose it wisely

  6. SnooMacaroons5247 Avatar

    You have been dating less than a year and each live with your parents still. That’s not unreasonable to not commit to knowing if marriage is in your future for sure.

  7. Only_Tip9560 Avatar

    You gave him a shit test and he failed, well according to you. Well done. Are you going to ask him if he will still love you if you turn into a worm next?

    I think his answer was reasonable. If you want to discuss marriage, that fishing expedition you embarked on is not how you do it.

  8. Deadlifttoday Avatar

    If a man really loved a woman but isnt willing to take responsibility for a woman.. financial, emotional , mental.. sorry he wont marry.

    I personally dont agree in getting to know each other before marriage.. if a man like a women.. his family approaches the woman’s family and both family’s unite with each other through a very strong commitment called marriage..
    Marriage is commitment through and through..
    Its not okay thta one will commit after a 2 years after they think they have got to know the person.. once you get married and become husband and wife its a whole different ball game sister..

  9. Break_from_the_ad Avatar

    Please ignore the speculations in the comments and just have a conversation with him.

    Some are guessing he wouldn’t say it because you haven’t dated for long , others think it’s because he doesn’t want to marry you.

    No matter how valid/invalid a guess is, you should not have to guess in a relationship with healthy communication. Talk to him.

  10. istanbulvisa Avatar

    Girl you deserve better.

  11. TaserHawk Avatar

    Yes, he is waiting for the one. You’re a stand in. Avoiding the question is a clear sign that he’s not that into you. You’re not Ms. Right. You’re Ms. Right Now.

  12. Drawn-Otterix Avatar

    You can love someone and not see yourself married to them.

    It sounds like he isn’t there yet, which can hurt I’d you were hoping he was picturing that. It’s hard to say how seriously you should take that in an actionable sense. It’s not necessarily a negative thing, as not everyone decides that on a linear schedule or the same time as us.

    It’s okay to be said, but I wouldn’t take that to heart unless you are at a point where you are trying to decide if it’s worth your time to stay in the relationship longer or not as a whole.

  13. No_Street_5196 Avatar

    I think he could be careful what he’s saying. It’s a pretty loaded question, so I wouldn’t read too much into it. I understand you’re hurting, but as a guy, we’re pretty careful with what we say. A year isn’t long, so he’s probably not sure. When he is sure he’ll ask.

  14. StaticCloud Avatar

    Yes, he doesn’t want to marry you. After a year, he should have an idea. Some men are time wasters, and want sex and companionship before they meet the woman they do want. Or they aren’t interested in marriage at all, and simply string multiple women along over time.

    This might be devastating for you, but remember – he’s the kind of man who is using a woman as a placeholder. That is not someone you should respect, and certainly not a person you want to marry. You’ve spent a year with this guy. That is adequate time to figure out that you aren’t compatible, and what kind of person he is. Clearly, this isn’t the guy for you

  15. Own-Temperature-7160 Avatar

    He doesn’t want to marry, it’s you who have to decide whether to stay or move on because he doesn’t look sure about getting married.

  16. Hipgram-4 Avatar

    Ask him why not? Yes, he told you point blank, you are not wanting to believe him.

  17. shasharu Avatar

    People who are saying “it’s been a little under a year bla bla” are wrong. The man is 34. He should know by now. Roughly a year is enough time to know. Is it enough time to actually propose ? No, but he should be forming that decision now.

    Talk to him. Have an honest conversation about it and the truth will become clearer