I’m 35F, he’s 43M, we’ve been dating 7 years and own a home together.
About 6 months ago, my boyfriend quit his job to do freelance work. At his old job, there was a girl on the team that he referred to as “my intern”. No idea how old she is, but hes mentioned she had just graduated college, and I’m assuming shes a traditional student and is in her early 20s.
I was shocked when, about 3 months after he’d quit, he told me a story that included “my intern”. I asked who he was talking about, since he is freelance now and has no coworkers, he said “oh, its my intern from (old job).” He explained that she gave him her personal cell number when he left the job and they’re still in touch.
He brings her up fairly regularly, once a week or so, so I get the impression they talk a lot. What he shares is always innocuous, but not at all related to their profession – that she just got a new cat (during a conversation about our cat), that she is having trouble with a friend who is jealous of her, how her mom is having some health issue, etc.
I have no reason to believe their relationship is inappropriate so I feel bad voicing any concerns…. but just the idea that hes developing a friendship with a young girl is kind of icky to me.
Do I bring this up to him? Am I reading too far into it?
Thanks
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I would be uncomfortable if my husband randomly befriended a woman half his age who he seemingly had nothing in common with except a former workplace. What on gods green earth could he have to talk to her about. It is likely innocent conversations but is only happening because “his intern” liked feeling special talking to your partner. I can promise you even in my 20s I get annoyed listening to stories about my friends “jealous friend” stories.
👀 your age gap, non committal (because you bought a house together but just a bf) boyfriend is acting like an age gap friendship with someone half his age is ‘normal.’ He’s got a fetish.
Ya babe, that’s weird and gross.
I mean, have you thought that maybe he’s seeking some sort of validation from her youthful energy and enthusiasm?
My husband trained interns for a few years, he kept in touch with them but it was like once a year they’d catch up and since I would hear so much about them during training, I felt like I knew them too so I would ask him how each of them were doing. Mentioning them once a week after their training was done would be VERY odd. Not marrying you after 7 years is also odd. Buying a house together is ??? At the very least I would say emotional affair.
If he’s bringing her up alot it means she takes up alot of headspace in some capacity.
I think you two need to have a chat, because 9 times out of 10 it would not be ok if it was you speaking to a younger man on the regular.
I think there’s not quite enough to go on for a definitive answer, but there are certainly valid questions to ask here.
Depending on the field, it’s really not unusual for people to maintain contact with each other after moving jobs. That’s simply part of professional networking. And talking about personal lives with professional contacts also isn’t that unusual – you are often trying to maintain a level of familiarity with someone because that makes them remember you, and when they remember you they’re more inclined to hook you up with job offers and such.
A lot of industries (most of them, really) operate on a “who you know” basis, so it’s possible this intern is the one driving the contact in order to stay relevant in your BF’s mind, because he could represent a future job prospect or connection. She’s the one who gave him her cell number, right – he didn’t ask for it? Seems like a young professional trying to maintain a network.
It’s also not necessarily unusual to develop a friendship with a much younger person when there are mutual personal or professional interests. Typically, that friendship is contextually limited – someone you share a hobby with, for example. I have lots of cursory friends who tell me about their cats, but I wouldn’t really call that a particularly substantial connection – it’s the Internet and we post about cats, y’know?
At the same time, I do have questions about someone who’s been your boyfriend for 7 years and with whom you own a house. Jointly owning property without some kind of legal relationship structure is a recipe for disaster, so how did this come to be? Is he noncommital? Is there stuff in his past that makes you hesitant? You have a gut feeling for a reason, so interrogate that feeling – don’t listen to it to the exclusion of anything else, but don’t ignore it either.
I (46F) may have a skewed opinion on this as I work in a male dominated field and largely work from home.
I have always (since my 20’s) had colleagues who took me under their wing and even became friends with—all over the world. After spending so much time together on projects, they knew my dogs names and my horses and my partner…
It has never been uncommon to be “friends” in the gaps between work stuff. Never inappropriate but when I was young, people would make those accusations.
Especially working on your own, having some colleagues to talk to is nice.