My (35f) boyfriend (46m) of almost 4 years is not having sex with me anymore

r/

We’ve been together almost 4 years and for most of relationship we’d have sex ALOT. For the first 2 years it was like a daily thing, sometimes multiple times a day, but usually atleast every night before bed. Year 3…. Still a lot, multiple times a week, but not as much. I get that sex with your partner might fade over time, but we broke up for about 3 months at the beginning of this year. No contact. Then we got back together and I moved back in. Lots of sex for like a week. But it’s been like 4 months now of almost no sex. I mean… I’m lucky if I get it once a month, twice if I’m really lucky. I have a high sex drive and that kind of intimacy is important to me. I want to know what if anything I can do. It’s becoming a problem because now I’m starting to overthink things I think and can’t help but wonder if there’s someone else. In our past I found a lot of nudes in his photos from people he’s friends with on Snapchat etc. It was a big reason I left. After coming back from breaking up I’m trying really hard to not go down that thought path again because part of me really wants to believe he’s not still doing that. I have tried to get him to open up and talk about why he’s not having sex with me anymore and he just gets annoyed and says things like his stomach hurts, new medication messing with him (I think it’s a glp1), or that he just doesn’t have the libido anymore. He is 11 years older than me so I understand age could be playing a part but he takes testosterone. I know he gets depressed too which could also be a factor but he refuses to seek any help for any of it. Idk what to do or say. I’m starting to feel very frustrated sexually and even having dreams about sex which is not normal for me and I wake up frustrated after the dreams because I know I can’t just roll over and make a move on him or he’ll just get mad I woke him up or turn me down yet again which is causing me to not want to make any moves because it just makes me sad when he turns me down. Is there a better way to talk to him about this or is there something I can do? I’m at a loss here and want that intimacy between us back.

Comments

  1. AutoModerator Avatar

    Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:

    • We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

    • We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.

    • Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

    • ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.

    • No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.

    • All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.

    • Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.

    • What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

    If you have any questions, please message the mods


    This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.


    I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

  2. Business_Mastodon_97 Avatar

    Why did you get back together with him.

  3. Vdszbz13 Avatar

    he might be checked out of the relationship. usually
    sex stopping (without a valid reason like sickness or whatever) is a tell tale sign. been there. especially since you caught him cheating previously. if he doesn’t want to fix it and is making excuses, i would begin to plan your exit.