My ex and I were engaged. We got pregnant and I was so happy to start a life with him. We moved to my hometown and I bought a little house. There had always been another girl in his comments and texts. I tried to remain calm, but it bothered me. We lost our sweet baby boy late in our pregnancy and I was devastated. I couldn’t do anything for months. Shortly after our son passed I found nude pictures to the other girl. I kicked him out of my house and He went back to his home state. They even started dating. About a year later I rented my house out and moved to San Diego. I’ve been here almost 2 years and while I’m still very heartbroken, I’m mostly okay… honestly I’m more upset about my son’s passing than our relationship.
Two weeks ago I get a call from my ex. He asked if I knew his uncle died (I didn’t) and told me He was struggling and asked to come visit me, originally I said no, but He kept calling crying that He was lonely. His relationship ended and He missed me. Honestly I was surprised I didn’t have him blocked. I finally told him He could come visit and he’s been here a few days. He tells me I’m the love of his life. I saw on his search history He been researching moving here, and “how to get her back” when we were together He would tell me I was stupid for wanting to live in San Diego. He would tell me that anyone that wanted to live in California is an idiot. Things have been okay since He got here. We went to the beach and go site seeing.
He has hinted at sex. He’s the last man I was ever with. I’m never going to date again… He really broke my heart.
I’m not interested in having him move here. Would I be the in the wrong if I told him so? Tl;dr cheating ex wants to move to the same city I’m in after always telling me I was an idiot for wanting to live here
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You can’t control if he moves to your city but you can make it clear that under no circumstances are you interested in getting back together.
I’m sorry for the loss of your son ❤️
He’s been reading up on how to “get you back,” as if you were a possession that got lost, and not a whole person who is allowed to decide to not go back.
He cheated on you very blatantly, and did so while you were pregnant with his child. And, apparently, throughout most of your relationship. This does not get better; he will not change. He wants to “own” you again. Don’t fall for it. He broke your heart badly; not give him the change to break it even further.
I’m very sorry for the loss of your son. No mother deserves that. As for your ex, I plead you not to get back with him. That type of hurt that he gave you, especially considering what all you were going through at the time, is a clear sign that he is not the one for you. He might want you back now because he’s lonely, but eventually he’ll probably go back to his old ways and that’s not fair to you at all considering how far you’ve come. I wouldn’t recommend giving into sex nor another go at the relationship. If he needs to talk about what happened with losing a loved one- sure, only for respect of who he once was to you, but no more than that. If he wants to move to your area, you can’t stop him, BUT- I would make it very clear to him that you will not be in any form of relationship with him ever again, but if he wants to uproot his life and move without the intention of a relationship, you can’t stop him. You absolutely need time to yourself to continue healing and grieving your child. While it may seem familiar to have him around, it isn’t healthy and will only hurt you in the long run.
Send him home. He would love to be your leach. Don’t allow it. He refused to accept your no when he kept asking to come visit you and you finally caved and allowed. This will be your life with him. No only means pressure until caving in.
He doesn’t respect you and you trust him. Send him home now before he becomes a legal tenant.
You obviously can’t control where he moves.
However.
What you can do is make it clear in no uncertain terms that his rom-com plans are going to remain in fantasyland.
Honestly, you probably should have laid down the law far earlier than this. You frankly should have cut him off after discovering the search history.
Self-respect. Self-respect. Self-respect.
This loser cheated on you during the lowest moment of your life. He then pursued a relationship with the other woman. Of course that relationship failed and of course he wants you back. He has no values. He’s just bouncing around to who will take him. When he leaves, do not engage with him ever again. You deserve so much more than this. I’m sorry for your loss.
So you understand that letting him visit was a massive mistake? He is trying to manipulate his way back into your life. Get him out of your house, actually block him, and never speak again. You’re not friends, he’s your shitty ex.
Also, I really urge you not to just give up on finding someone, just being your ex was shitty. You have a whole long life to live.
I think for your sake at least a temporary no-contact would be advisable. He knows you aren’t healed yet and is working on manipulating you little by little. The proximity is a mistake.
He used that death and everything else to get you talking to him. Im actually shocked you let him come after what he did. Don’t sleep with him and make it known why you would never date or have sex with him again. You need to lay this DOWN. Don’t hint at it or allow him to brush it off or change your mind