Forgive my formatting because I’m on my phone.
About a year ago we started becoming more distant after she met a woman who she called “hot boss”. I wasn’t terribly bothered by this because she has always been attracted to women but we have been in a monogamous relationship for 10 years.
One week a few months ago she stopped picking me up from work. We only had one car at the time and live in a rural area so we had to share to commute. 3 days in a row she bailed on me and left me sitting at work for hours waiting for her.
On the third day she picked me up to tell me she had been at “hot boss’s” house and they made out. That it woke something up in her and she planned to sleep with her a few days later.
She wanted me to be okay with this, we argued about it for a while, and it became more and more clear it was going to happen whether I wanted it to or not.
I left, stayed at my mom’s house for a few months.
She asked me to come home, said she missed me and she’d made a mistake. I chose to forgive her because I love the family we built together.
Two nights ago I noticed she’d been distant again, and I asked her if there was anything I could do to help her be more affectionate towards me. She said she couldn’t because she was still very stuck on the idea of dating women.
She proposed we find a way to see other people that wouldn’t hurt anyone’s feelings. I said that I wasn’t ready for that if we couldn’t focus on each other first.
Last night she got drunk with “hot boss” again, and ignored my texts all day.
Some details are that we have 3 children together (17, 9, 6). I suspect she only wanted me back for the last few months because she needed my money.
Am I fucked? How do I trust again? Do I try an open relationship? Co-parenting? Divorce?
Thanks.
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Yes, you are fucked.
No, you cannot trust someone who first cheats on you, then wants you back and says they “made a mistake” and then want to (and do) repeat the “mistake” again.
No, you should never try an open relationship if it isn’t something you deeply want.
Yes, you need to work on your co-parenting relationship and I suggest contacting a lawyer about it.
Yes, you should divorce because you deserve someone for whom you are their first and only choice, seeing as you want a monogamous relationship. Also, you know, someone who loves you, respects you and all that stuff (because your wife cheated, meaning she has zero respect for you). Because of that, absolutely contact a divorce lawyer and get your ducks in a row.
Dude, you already know it’s over. You’re a wallet and a babysitter while she messes around.
She’s allowed to feel and want whatever she wants at any point in your relationship. You’re also allowed to do the same thing. If you don’t want to be married to a gay person, or you don’t want to have an open marriage, you’re allowed to do that. Neither of you can judge each other for doing what you each want to do individually. Doesn’t mean you have to agree to do it together
Opening relationships is NOT A FIX to situations like these. Make a plan for either her moving out or you now, and draw up the divorce papers. Going to also have to talk to courts about a split-custody agreement.
Why would you ever stay with someone like this? Gay or not she’s an aweful person. Go talk to a lawyer and get your divorce.
Let her go. Chose your future happiness. 100% divorce. This marriage cannot be reconciled.
The relationship is over. Do whatever you need to do to process that. Then start thinking about your next chapter.