So my 36M wife 36F goes back to her home country for at least 2 months at a time every year, during this time I stay home to run my business which affords our lifestyle and allows her to fly business class. I used to travel with her, but since 2020 business it’s booming and needs more of my time. I remember during covid, she was even gone for over 6 months one time.
I’ve tried so many things over the years, but she has never reciprocated. Besides the usual phone calls/video calls where we chat and update each other on our day, there’s no romance anymore. I’ve tried to be romantic over the phone and video calls, written romantic messages and emails, arranged for flowers or deliveries of little gifts both while she’s away and when she returns. I’ve completed full DIY projects, renovations, and even a house extension. All things shes dreamed off and still there’s no appreciation.
This time in particular, she’s already been away for 7 weeks and comes back in 2 weeks. I tried to spice things up a little as I was particularly lonely, so I asked her for a sexy pic. She instantly dismissed my request and told me to go sort myself out and watch something online instead.
Any advice would be appreciated.
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Is your wife still interested in being in a romantic relationship or do you just fund her lifestyle?
Freeze the credit cards, to match her heart.
Sorry you’re going through this. You may need to have a sit down with her on her return. Tell her exactly how you feel. Ask her why she doesn’t even acknowledge any of the projects and all the special little/big romantic things you’ve done. You may need couples therapy. My sister and BIL did this about 15 years ago. They went to a couples resort that was specifically for couples therapy. They were doing better immediately. The whole family noticed a difference in their bond. But both people need to want to truly participate. They have been married 34 years now!
Maybe for now on stop paying for business class, or even any of the trip
Are your assets protected? Do you have a prenup?
She has everything she wants and needs
Protect your assets then have the conversation
I love my family and friends and have some far away. I’d never spend that much time away from my spouse absent some crazy caretaking or medical crisis. Something is deeply wrong here.
She likes your wallet, but not you. Cant imagine being away from my husband for two months at a time.
Tell her to spend next two weeks looking for a one bed apartment over there
Your wife is just interested in your money now. You’re the ATM. I wonder if she has someone else in her home country. Take her off all bank accounts and cancel all her credit cards when she gets back. Tell her if she wants to go overseas for months she does it with her own money. She refuses sexual intimacy so you refuse financial intimacy.
Stop the trips until she puts more effort into the relationship. There’s no incentive from her stand point because she has no consequences.
How are the 10 months that she isn’t abroad?
Find a new wife.
Wow, the fact that you are even posting this. You’re married! If there is no intimacy and you’re not 80 effin years old then she’s clearly not attracted to you, cause if she was, it wouldn’t be an issue. File for divorce and don’t execute it, just file. When she asks why, tell her the truth nicely and ask her to sign and she can go on not loving you from somewhere else. Then get off your butt, have fun and find someone. But every man knows if they aren’t sleeping with you it’s one of 2 things and both are grounds for dismissal. And ya never know, the idea of divorce and squared away many partners. Time to see some effort.
Sorry.
You need to watch the movie or read the book “Same time, next year.”
I get the feeling that your wife is playing the female lead.
I have a relative who’s wife visits her home country every year for extended periods. Some of her social media posts are a little sus.
It sounds pretty bad when she’s gone. What’s it like when she’s not gone? That seems super relevant to the right advice
brother in christ, you are an ATM 🫡 she is obviously visiting another man
She’s gone for 2 months of the year… what is it like the rest of the 10 months?
Blow up doll?
Wow, you would think she would jump you in the car on the way home after 9 weeks away. Is she getting it elsewhere? Check her phone. Check her location?
Why don’t you have a collection of sexy pics when you are in the same place? Some people are extremely against sending nude pics or having them digital, that’s an odd thing not to know about your wife after at least 5 years with long separations. You need to talk to her, actually talk to her. Talk about the separations, what you want and what she is willing to give, and what she wants. If this only happens when she’s away, why are you so afraid to talk to her? She may not be comfortable doing phone sex in her paretnts’ home. And when you do these things to surprise her when she gets home, are you expecting sex immediately? She probably needs time to recover from her trip. Talk to her. Get counseling if you need to. Perhaps it’s time to move on, but perhaps she’s just overwhelmed by your demands. Talk to her.
Classic third party problems.
Any quarrel arguement disagreement or any other upset is caused by a third party.
A third party is usually hidden or unknown.
Typically its family running interference it could also be direct friends of hers or other colleagues.
The fact that this is all confusing to you tells me this is exactly what’s going on.
Flip side of that she has cheated(sorry but this is how it goes).not meant to upset but it well could have happen.
These are all overts she has against you.
The one basic cause of an overt against a partner is nattering about that partner to others that’s how it starts.
Ex he doesn’t don’t for me anymore
He is Always at work
He is never in the mood
He this
He that
You get the idea.
How to uncover this,not so easy but if you locate the cause or if she feels found it i grantee it will kick off.
Thing is do you want to know
Do you want the real reason
Or can you handle the truth
Are you prepared for the fact you could find out and that will end the relationship?.
There’s more but I will leave this here for you to think about
Unpopular opinion, but I’d resort to paid companionship. If she didn’t like that, then divorce. Some people can live without intimacy, but that’s not the life I’d choose.
Is your wife from China? My friend’s wife did the exact same thing too. He cannot tolerate the loneliness and have affairs with other women. He said his wife isn’t addressing his needs and doesn’t feel he is being cared for. He told me he feels like a chump.
She only wants you to pay her way – otherwise can’t be bothered with you
Even if she is sad at living in a strange country, she still should miss her husband . I miss mine after just a couple days away.