We’ve been together 13 years, living together for most of that time.
He was showing me something on his phone the other night when a little notification popped up for a phone call. He immediately yanked the phone away and nearly sprinted out of the room like his ass was on fire. Then he turned around and looked at me, and said “I don’t know who that was!” .. uhh. Ok. I didn’t even see who was calling but his reaction was obviously ringing all of my alarm bells. I’m sure my face was showing my alarm and suspicion, because he immediately starts trying to explain. First he says me & his family are the only conversations he has on Whatsapp, and shows me his WhatsApp conversation list. (I don’t know what point he was trying to make here honestly). THEN he says oh it was just a Duolingo notification. At this point I’m fed up because he’s clearly grasping at straws, so I storm out of the room. He follows me after a moment, still messing with his phone and supposedly trying to “figure it out” and finally admits “oh, it was Anna. I thought it was a Duolingo notification”
Uhh. This is insane, right?? There’s no way this man just Scooby Doo’ed out of a room because he couldn’t tell the difference between a Duolingo notification and a phone call?
Further context: Anna is an old coworker he became friends with, but she moved to another state (very far away) yearsss ago. I know they kept in touch for a little bit after she moved, but I haven’t heard him mention her in years honestly, I didn’t think they were still in touch. He usually brings up conversations he has with his friends that he keeps in regular contact with.
I point blank asked him if something is going on with her. I told him I just want to know. I was very calm. He said no. I asked how often they talk now, and why is she calling you at 2am her time. He was cagey with those answers too.
If something really is going on with Anna, why would he admit it was her calling? Maybe he wasn’t sure how much I saw and thought if he lied about the name it would look even worse? He had already lied about it being Duolingo, like?? WTF!!!??!
What the fuck do I do now??? He’s trying to pretend like this never happened and hoping I go along with it.
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He sucks at lying and gaslighting. He gave you some obvious BS excuses before he caved. You know something is going on, and with how he is acting, he wants to hide it from you. Why hide if it’s innocent…? You know what you need to do because you know you will never trust him again.
In your shoes, I’d sit him down, and very calmly but clearly say that you need him to tell you the complete truth, everything, all of it, right now. And if he doesn’t, or you think he’s lying (sounds like that would be pretty obvious, he doesn’t sound like a great liar!), then you’re done. You won’t be giving him another opportunity, it’s now or never.
And hopefully he’ll tell you the truth. Something is most definitely going on, by his reaction alone. Probably an emotional affair, messaging, talking etc. You need to decide what you’re willing to believe and what you’re willing to accept. And then stick to it.
You didn’t see what the notification said, so is it possible he is saying it was “Anna” because she has moved away and it would be easier to play off that he isn’t cheating with her since she isn’t close by? Who pays the phone bill? Whose name is it under? As the person whose name is on the cell phone bill, I can look up online all phone calls on all phones on my plan. I am crossing my fingers for you that he is on your plan and you can look up the number for that particular call while checking for phone numbers that are repeated. It is all suspect for sure and that is why your gut is telling you he is cheating. He most likely is, BTW.