My parents are demanding more money from my sibling after a closure of a real estate deal. My sibling gave them a large cheque but to them it’s not enough: They want the money given to my sibling to cover debts. This was stipulated beforehand, so the ask has blindsided my sibling.
(My sibling and parents owned a house together and only recently did my sibling ‘sell’ the house to themselves at market value, giving my parents the lion share of the difference between the house’s value and the amount of the mortgage. My parents previously refinanced the home, giving themselves money out of the house each time; my sibling never got a dime. In essence, they acted like my sibling wasn’t on title.)
I can’t shield my sibling by giving my parents the money they need/make them back off. All I can do it watch. My sibling has admitted this is causing them stress induced health issues. Them and I have discussed keeping information from parents for fear they’ll ask for money (i.e. promotions, salary increases, bonuses). We used to be a tight knit family so it’s bothering me. I also don’t believe my parents are correct in their thinking. Further, confronting them will further fracture my ties to my family.
This isn’t happening to me, I know. I don’t think I can pretend I don’t know what my parents have done/are doing: They’ve asked for the above money twice now and I fear they’ll guilt my sibling into going into debt or selling stocks they were gifted.
Honestly, Reddit, I’m conflicted. What the fig would you do?
TL;DR: Money and family don’t mix and I’m living the consequences and it sucks.
Comments
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I’d encourage my sibling to stand firm and respond with:
“No, Mum and Dad. I won’t be lending you any more money. You’ve already received fair compensation for your share of the property, and your financial situation is your own responsibility.”
Actually, I would say that directly to my parents if I was in this situation as I tend to be a straight shooter but, I would find a way to support my sibling or anyone I felt was being taken advantage of.
I’m really sorry for whst you and especially your sibling are going through now. Unfortunately have no great advice to come with, except perhaps be an emotional support to your sibling and help them put much needed boundaries for your parents.
It sounds like they’ve been siphoning off the house (refinancing) and are now viewing your sibling as some kind of mark to get several times their worth off the house… They are being entirely greedy and unreasonable, when will they stop? That you even worry about bonuses/savings sounds to me like they are knowingly exploiting that your sibling has a hard time saying no to them. It’s an awful thing to do.
And what is the worst thing that could happen if your sibling from now on sticks to the contract and puts their foot down and you support him/her? Would it be any worse than what is happening now, with your parents robbing your sibling blind? After all, once they’ve all run out of money, your parents will probably come for you with emotional blackmail.
Good luck to both of you setting boundaries 🍀
Your sibling could give your parents every dime they have, every piece of clothing on their back, and they will continue to ask for more. When the sibling has nothing more to give, your parents will turn to you.
I would advise your sibling to hire a financial expert to look at the history of these transactions, your parents’ spending patterns, and whatever house deeds and titles are involved. Do not hire a family member or friend!. Get somebody completely neutral with the goal of protecting your sibling’s remaining assets.
Maybe your parents have gotten their way through guilt-
tripping or bullying, it’s not clear, but from what you’ve written, they sound like greedy people who won’t stop until the gravy train runs dry. Your sibling has to cut off the flow sooner rather than later.
Encourage your sibling to lawyer up and determine the definite and final number for how much money they were supposed to give your parents for their share of the house. Then your sibling should stand firm on that number.
Are your parents living in the house? If so, they have to move out. This will never end as long as they live there.