TL,DR: my husband’s family makes it a point to try to make sure my widower husband doesn’t move on and have a life with his current wife (me)and my husband refuses to come to my defense and when I ask, he says I’m being manipulative.
Hi – my husband is a widower who I would argue really hasn’t done his healing/grieving work. I assumed since his first wife had been dead 5 years when we met that he was ready to move on. She’s been dead since 2009. I can cite many, many stories that prove i was wrong.
Additionally, his family is stuck in their own grief and seem bound and determined to make sure he doesn’t “forget” or move on.
Recently my father in law gave a speech at my stepdaughter’s graduation where he thanked every goddamn person in the room (except me) for the influence they’d had in her life. For FFS, he thanked a woman that acted as my stepdaughters nanny for 3 lousy months when she was 6!
I have been the closest thing she’s had to a mother and my father in law didn’t even mention me!! He was sure to mention what a great mom her dead birth mother was and also what a loving wife she was to my husband. Not one fucking word about the woman that’s been there for 8 fucking years – taking her to doctors appointments, dealing with her teenage drama, caring for her when she’s sick.
I spoke to my husband about this and he said I’m trying to manipulate him in to doing something he doesn’t want to do. That “something” is to speak to his dad about respecting his wife! He says if I have a problem I should talk with his dad. I think he should address disrespect of his wife with his family. Am I being manipulative or would others expect your husband to have your back when his family is disrespecting you?
One more detail: his sister is constantly sending him random pictures of women who look like his dead wife. Like WTF? Why?? He says it’s her way of grieving, I say it’s her way of disrespecting our marriage and making sure he doesn’t move on with his life. I asked him to ask her to quit sending the pictures. It disrespects his wife and his marriage. Again, he says I’m being manipulative and should handle it if I don’t like it because it’s “my problem, not his”.
Again I ask, am I being manipulative or am I justified in expecting him to have my back?
Comments
Marriage counseling for you both, grief counseling for him. Or divorce. You can’t compete with a dead woman.
Sorry, your husband sucks and his family is bizarre.
NTA
Personally I’d confront the father-in-law for myself and ask him why he didn’t bother mentioning me. And then I’d pack my shit up and never look back. At this point your husband has decided he doesn’t care enough to defend his wife and to me he isn’t loyal.