I’ve been best friends with this guy since middle school. We’ve been through pretty much everything together, teenage heartbreaks, late-night gaming marathons, job hunting after college, you name it.
He recently quit his job in marketing because he wants to launch his own coffee brand. I totally get it; he’s always been super passionate about coffee, roasting techniques, sourcing beans, he can talk for hours. He’s been saving up and working odd freelance gigs to fund this dream, but he’s still about $10,000 short to get things off the ground.
A couple of weeks ago, he pitched the idea to me in full detail. I listened, and honestly, it sounds like a solid concept, local, ethically sourced beans, cool branding, small-batch vibes. But when he asked if I could invest $10k, I felt my stomach drop.
For context, I work in IT, and while I make a decent living, I’ve been putting money aside for a few years because I dream of moving out of my parents’ house and finally getting my own place. That money is basically my security blanket and the foundation of my future plans.
I told him I support him 100%, but I just can’t put that much money into something so uncertain right now. Since then, he’s been distant. He hasn’t replied to my texts the same way, and we haven’t hung out like we usually do.
I feel awful. He keeps implying that if I really believed in him, I’d take the leap. But I can’t help but feel that mixing friendship and money like this is a dangerous path.
I keep questioning if I made the right choice or if I’m being selfish. I love my friend and want him to succeed, but risking my future feels too big a price to pay.
Has anyone else gone through something like this? How did you handle it? Any advice is appreciated. No judgment, please.
Comments
When someone knows you got it, it’s natural to get upset because in their head for them to ask, they had the idea that you were gonna say yeah
You made the right decision. The fact that he’s leveraging your friendship to get money out of you tells you what kind of businessperson he would become if you sunk your money into his venture.
Having the money doesn’t mean you can afford something. Money you put away in savings is an expense. Rainy day fund is an untouchable asset. Especially if you live in US this money is your lifeline if shit goes sideways.
>But I can’t help but feel that mixing friendship and money like this is a dangerous path.
YES! I am 50k out because of this and wanted to support my friends dream. First it was 20, then 10 more, then 15 more because “we just need to scale on next level to reduce expenses and become profitable”, then few smaller ones until my partner made me pull the plug. Shit idea and we’re still friends by some miracle (mostly me not giving crap about money) but it was definitely super stupid.
It’s natural for him to expect from you, assuming you two have a strong bond.
Now tell him in a humble way that, you are not in a position to take risks with that money. It’s a matter of your financial security.
Also offer him your availability for any other kind of help that he can possibly need from you. That will help him understand you.
Hopefully, you two will continue your amazing friendship overcoming this phase. And best wishes for his business too
Yikes. you’ve done nothing wrong.
“I’m not at the stage of life where this kind of investment is possible”
He is not being a good friend by pressuring you. You made the right decision, that’s a lot of money and I think he is in the wrong for asking that of a friend.
You’re not being selfish at all it’s smart to protect your financial future. Supporting your friend doesn’t have to mean risking your security. Maybe suggest other ways to help, like spreading the word about his brand or helping with marketing. True friends respect boundaries, even when money’s involved.
You are not wrong. I would say “hey man, it’s a great idea, but you need to pitch it to startup investors. Those are people that can easily afford to lose their money because they invest in lots of them and some of them will hit. I am not one of those people and as cool as your idea is, I just can’t put all my eggs in that basket. Maybe I can help you find some investors that will fund you.”
The reality is, if he can’t find any real investors, that may be an indication of the strength of his idea. Most new coffee brands fail, and all of them have as much conviction and “good ideas” as your friend. Factually, his company will probably fail.
Treating a friend differently because they won’t give you $10,000 is kind of a dick move. Maybe he’s blinded by the excitement of his idea, which I get. I would honestly tell him it’s making you feel bad and you don’t want this to get in the way of your friendship.
Good luck to you and him.
Are you a qualified investor?
Tell him your accountant and or lawyer won’t let you
Friends and money don’t mix
What percentage of this business were you going to own, for your $10k?
“Bob, I just don’t know enough about business in general, or the coffee business in particular, to have any real idea if this is going to work. I wish you the best, and I hope your business takes off, but I can’t risk my own future on something I just don’t understand.”
You have every right to say no!. Let him be upset, but don’t let that sway you or make you feel guilty. Many startups fail and then what? You’ll lose your money and if you ever lend anybody money, don’t do it without a signed and notarized agreement and don’t do it, unless you can afford to lose it, which you probably will, if you lend it to a friend. NTA
You can have compassion for his desperation but at the same time acknowledge the wisdom of not mixing money with loved ones (family or friends).
If it’s a great start-up he would be able to find third party funding without having to resort to the friendship angle
100% the right choice. If this is a real idea he needs to also pitch it to real investors, not just his friends.
Never loan money to friends anyway-you can give him a gift or buy a piece of equipment. Everything else will just ruin the friendship.
And finally, your friend is not a friend but a user-he is guilt tripping you-that’s not what friends do. You have learned this without losing 10k. Take this as a win and move on.
Don’t do it. If he’s butt hurt over it, that’s his own immaturity he needs to deal with. It’s okay to say no.
Friends don’t ask friends for money.
Friends don’t help friends move.
Friends don’t do anything they don’t want to just because friends ask.
A good rule of thumb is never loan money. Never enter a business with a partner. Never take on anyone else’s risk.
I mean maybe you can get an investment bank to underwrite a $10K loan with like 10% interest. Contingent on him getting like 100K in funding elsewhere
The important thing is that it’s a bond so that you can get like half the money back in a bankruptcy settlement even if the company goes under
You can help him by drinking the coffees and sharing how great it is to everyone
We are supposed to out ourselves first especially in this case.
We can believe in someone without investing.
The thing is that we must sit with our uncomfortable feelings of something being upset with us- it’s okay for to be upset with us-
It’s also okay for us to detach from how they feel.
Those aren’t our feelings to hold-
Here’s some “dad advice” perspective from a retired financial advisor:
Investing in startups is always a high-risk venture for anyone.
The few I invested in during my earlier years was always capital I was willing to have locked up indefinitely and likely lose. It wasn’t until I had already built up a sizable investment portfolio that I even considered putting money into anybody’s “startup”.
You simply aren’t in a financial position to tie up 10 grand at this stage of your life no matter how much you might want to help out your friend. It’s not a question that you don’t WANT to help him, it’s that you simply don’t have available risk capital to deploy. Nothing personal, just business.
I’ll also add that the gourmet coffee roasting business is extremely competitive with very low profit margins. Your friend needs to build up his financial warchest on his own while also talking to people he knows with available risk capital they might be willing to invest (local restaurant owners, food and beverage distributors, etc. could be good sources for leads to find potential “Angel” investors).
The fact that your friend is upset with you merely for being unable (NOT unwilling) to invest in his venture is also an indicator that he’s not mature enough to go into this business.
You’ve made the right decision.
You made the right choice for where you are right now. In 12 or 24 months time another answer might be the right one.
Unless you are willing to walk away from that hard earned money and never see it again, keep it in your account.
Only invest/loan money that you are ok with not getting back. A true friend would respect your decision and not give you the cold should. If you invest the money in hopes to salvage the friendship than most likely your never going to see that money again and you will still lose that friend. The best thing is to let him do his own thing and maybe in a few years whether it was successful or not than you too might reconnect and become friends again.
Edit: Grammer
‘I had some money, and I had a friend. Now I have neither’.
that actually sounds like an awful start up idea. there are countless coffee-ecofriendly-roasted-whatever ideas that ended up closing after a few months in the market
you chose good.
Not sure if this applies here but I tell my kids this. NEVER share your financial details with your friends or love interests. They do not need to know how much money you have saved.
Just tell him you love him but can’t afford $10K you’re going to love him if he becomes the coffee king or does anything else you can and will do some sweat equity. You’re not going to let him fail.
Too bad. He can be upset, that’s not your problem. Friends and business don’t usually mix, particularly when one of the friends is just contributing money. Don’t waiver on this, you’ll regret it.
On the other hand what if . . . ya never can tell !!
Friends and money never mix, don’t do it.
If he values your friendship he’ll get over it and things go back to normal. If not, then maybe evaluate your mutual history with a critical eye and see how much of it was transactional.
If things don’t work out with his coffee business your 10k savings will go down the drain with it, and unless you can just just shrug that money off and not worry about it never getting repaid, don’t give it.
He’s not entitled to your money.
Your money, your choice.
Stop feeling awful. Of he keeps implying and whining cut him off and tell him the issue is closed.
if he can’t accept that then he’s not a friend.
You got the info you need.
Tell your friend to DM me! I’m looking to invest in passionate entrepreneurs like him.
You already said it. Don’t mix money with friendship
You can believe in somebody as a friend but not as an investment pick. That’s what it comes down to. And he’s asking too much. If he doesn’t have any other plan for raising the money, he doesn’t really have a plan at all. Just a pipe dream.
“Hey bro, I was hoping you could get this business off the ground so you could give me a job that pays enough to move out of my parents’.”
Never ever ever loan money to friends or family. Just like never sell them anything with getting the money up front. I causes problems and you will be on the losing end. Your friend should have stayed with his job and side hustles until he had the money. Or else found him someone with really deep pockets to invest in him. Most new ventures fail within the first year and there always unknown or overlooked expenditures involved. NTA
If he’s that confident in his idea then he can get a loan.
If his idea is solid he can get proper investors.
This is a bottom of the barrel idea that every zoomer tries because there’s blueprints for it online and the idea is plastered all over tiktok. Picking a product that’s 100% dependent on imports at a time when Trump farts and decides there’s a new 70% tariff is just utterly stupid.
There’s no coffee except imports.
Those types of conversations are usually easy to see a mile away when they want to sit down and start telling you their fantastic idea, then bam… hit you with the “I just need xyz to make this happen”. Just because you had the money in your account doesn’t mean you had that money to just straight give out. It’s tied into your investments. You should have said you didn’t have it.
You can now backpedal and tell him that.. you have 10k, but it’s 10k that’s already invested. Or you can make deals with him. Tell him it’s a loan and it needs x interest on it by y date. Or make a contract with him to give him the money with x percent ownership in the brand. If he worked as hard as you said then it’s probably a good investment.
I wasn’t sure until you mentioned that you live with your parents.
You do not have a “spare” 10k.
You’ve decided not to invest. A wise decision I believe for where you’re at right now. Your friend is now trying to guilt you in to changing your mind. It’s on him now. No money from you = no friendship? It’s disappointing but you need to accept it.
While your friend might know a lot about coffee, that does not mean he can run a coffee business successfully. He should have kept his job and made coffee as a side hustle. If the side hustle was successful, then it would be time to approach you to scale up his business.
There is no chance $10k is the difference between the thing succeeding and failing. If this is where he is at its not a serious business plan. And the coffee business is ruthless. Your money would be gone forever the second you wrote the cheque and then what would that be like for your relationship always having to hound your buddy for the $10k you lent him? And let me guess, it’s not a loan but an investment so when he fails he can claim you just lost your investment and he doesn’t owe you anything…
I once asked a friend to lend me 10K as a joke, and he said “of course – where can I send it”
I was 100% expecting him to say no, and just wanted a reaction out of it. No one in their right mind should ask this much from a friend for such a personnal project. I dont even undertand how they can be upset towards you.
If you believe in his project, I’d tell him you’d be willing to pitch in but not the amount he’s asking for.
If he was so foolish that he quit a solid paying job to start a business and didn’t have the financial resources to accomplish that, then that’s all the red flags you require to know with almost certainty that his business is going to fail. Startups fail 4 times out of 5 when they’re run by people who know what they’re doing. Your friend may eventually be successful, but he’s got at least one “learning experience” failure to get through before that happens, and you don’t need to be the one to finance it. Angel investors, venture capitalists, and bank loans exist for this reason. If he’s unable to acquire any of those, then his business concept isn’t nearly as solid as he thinks it is.
If you’re living with your parents, he should understand you don’t have that kind of expendable income. Don’t put your dream of having your own house someday in jeopardy to make his dream come true. It’s not worth it. Yes, I’m sure he’s a little annoyed, but a real friend will understand if you don’t have the money to lose, then you can’t risk it. Hold your ground, you’re doing the right thing for yourself. If he lost your $10k tomorrow, there’s no guarantee of ever getting it back. Tell him to use ChatGPT to come up with a solid business plan and find a way to crowd-fund it or get a small business loan. There are other ways than putting a friendship on the line.
I’ve had this situation where somebody I’m close to suddenly gets into a business where you’re supposed to leverage your friendships, and that’s really hard. You just need to make clear that friendship and finance don’t mix and you would be very upset if he viewed this as some kind of referendum on who’s a “real friend.”
ALWAYS go with your gut. You are not being selfish. You earned it. It’s YOUR money.
I would make bets that this friend of yours has zero dollars to contribute to this and was completely relying on your 10k… I mean 10k to start a business goes absolutely no where lol You may as well take that money and flush it down the toilet. If he talks to you about this at all, tell him to go to a bank, you are not a bank.
And it goes to show he feels entitled enough to ask you for 10k and then get pissy when you say no. What an asshole. I wouldn’t continue a friendship with this kind of person.
You don’t even have you own home, no you need to prioritise getting your own feet on the ground first.
This is not a good idea because he should have kept his job and saved what he needed to start this. Quitting a job for a dream and expecting someone else to pay for it is not enough incentive for him to make it work. It’s your money he would lose, not his. Then, if it doesn’t work out, you will be resentful forever.
You can tell him that financing his plans will crush your plans, and that is why you cannot invest right now.
If your friend’s idea is really that good he can approach a bank with a solid business plan. They can loan him $10,000 far easier than you can.
Be a friend and look at how he can apply to the Small business administration for information.