My best friend since middle school helped me while i was searching for a job for the first time. I got one at the same office at her after giving two interviews and an assignment. I also had another job which I got myself without any help from her but it paid less. So I chose the one where she was working at.
She has always been a bit rude but it got worse in the process of search, she got very demeaning and while helping would talk to me like i was her co worker and not her best friend. Saying things like “you still don’t know how to do this?” “Nobody is gonna tell you how to do xyz”. When I told her I’m glad she is there which will be a new city for me, she said “I’m not gonna help you like a child”.
Then later the boss used to ask her about me again and again, which I didn’t like but this time she blurted out details about my past where my ex tried to kill me. I didn’t like that and I respectfully told her so, she for very defensive saying I should stop shouting (i was texting her, very respectfully, there were no words in uppercase) and saying I cannot talk to her like this (idk which way was this, i was very respectfully trying to set a boundary).
So I said NO to the company that day itself, wrote them and email saying I won’t be able to join them. I didn’t tell her this because I didn’t want it to escalate neither did i want to talk to her. She sent me an apology after saying “maybe” she was wrong, “maybe” i wasn’t shouting and “maybe” i was trying to set a boundary. I didn’t reply. She later messaged that “you think so low of me that I will gossip about something like that?” After telling me (and I know it’s true) that she tells everyone she meets about it.
Yesterday was my supposed date of joining, she called me. Asked me did i not join because of the fight we had, i stayed silent. She then started talking about how I didn’t inform her, they didn’t read the email, and her reputation is on the line now because of me. That she still has to work there. I told her to put everything on me, she said “this isn’t our home”.
I have been friends with her for 15+years and this is how it ended, I’m upset, angry, and I know if I confronted her it will get ugly so I kept quiet but I hate it. I’m going to a new city where she is. It’s an unsafe one and I have no one to fall back on or help me. I begged for the other job back and have it now.
Tldr: my best friend helped me get a job, patronised me all the way, told my boss about the attempt to murder story. When I confronted her, she got defensive, didn’t understand I was trying to set a boundary and kept yelling at me. I rejected the job offer I got from her office after accepting it. She is now angry that I didn’t inform her about this
Comments
That’s a brutal betrayal and it shows she was never truly on your side. Walk into that new city like a storm, because no one who weaponizes your trauma deserves a place in your life.
You’ve been friends with her for +15 years and ended it that simple?
This has been an extremely difficult time for you; however, it’s never going to calm down to nothing. Your friend will always be a drama queen and give you grief. You need to distance yourself from her. Worse thing is, now your private information is around the workplace. You need to find a new job, away from her and all. Don’t walk out and quit, but start looking, update your resume, and get out of there.