So, I have this best friend and we’ve been close for years. But she lies about literally everything even the smallest stuff.
Like once she told me she bought a top from a well-known brand. But the next time she wore that same top, she casually mentioned she had borrowed it from a friend completely forgetting what she told me before. That kind of thing happens all the time. Nothing ever really adds up.
I’ve caught her lying so many times, but I just can’t bring myself to call her out. It’s exhausting. Sometimes I wonder if I’m being too sensitive or if this is actually toxic.
Even when I talk about something I like or something I’m proud of, she twists it. I said I used to be good at drawing, and she instantly said she was better and that people asked her to draw for them. If I mention a singer I like, she bashes them and brings up someone else. Same with shows or movies she’ll say they’re boring or overrated. It always feels like she’s trying to one-up me.
It honestly feels like she’s always in competition with me, even though I’m not competing. I don’t compare myself to her — I’m content with who I am. But her constant lies and comparisons are starting to mess with my head.
I feel stuck between being a good friend and protecting my peace. Should I talk to her? Or slowly distance myself? I really need advice.
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Ah! Just like my little brother. He asks me questions so that he can one-up the answers. Lies to make himself look better than me, specifically.
We don’t talk these days.
Honestly I probably wouldn’t bother with confrontation unless you want to spend a lot of time and energy going back and forth as a public service. She will likely still write you off as toxic narcissist or bully or neurotypical (or whatever) and play victim.
I can tell you how my friendship ended with the person constantly trying to one up me, since we had a similar interaction—I told her an instructor told me that my drawing skills were to the point where I could really pursue professionally in college. She immediately, without acknowledging what I’d said, redirected the conversation to herself and said “An instructor told ME that MY drawing skills were very advanced and *I* could be professional..” turning it into some weird pissing contest.
She ended up ‘confronting’ me in a really weird indirect way where she made a bunch of vague accusations about my character all while refusing to mention anything specific I’d actually done. When I told her that I wasn’t being given an opportunity to resolve her complaints because I didn’t know what she was even talking about, and that I was not responsible for her projections or feelings, only my words and actions, the conversation kept going in circles until she gave one last accusation positioning herself as victim and martyr: that ‘this seems like it’s about being right, not being kind or being a friend’ and then fled like she was running to Amnesty International to escape my oppression.
Point is you just cannot win with some people. In retrospect it is very apparent how resentful she was toward me. I wrote a lot of things off as ‘misunderstandings’ that I now know was pointed and spiteful. Anyway it was exhausting and she dragged it out for weeks and I let her. If I could go back in time I’d ‘thumbs up’ her message and stop talking to her.
That…is not your friend.