TL;DR:
My best friend who I have been seeing for 5 years and sleeping with has gone back to seeing this girl he said he hated. They had to stay mutual for family reasons but now she’s posting him all over and he’s covering his face. Do I bring this up to him? He didn’t listen last time. Do I tell him that I’m hurt? How do I approach this? He won’t listen when I say we need to talk.
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So I’ve (F21) been seeing this guy (M26) for about 5 years now. We are best friends and do occasionally have sexual relations.
His family used to be friends with this girl but she caused so many problems in his life that he decided to cut her off. But as they are family friends he still had to be mutual with her and obviously respectful but he wasn’t happy about it.
Everythjng was going alright for a while and I knew he was still seeing her but I thought it was just as the families were gathering. I’ve now found endless videos on her tiktok posting him. He keeps trying to hide his face and she keeps trying to show it.
At first I thought she was showing off his car but now I can tell that she’s uploading drafts. It now seems like she’s just posting it for the sake of proving that him and her are close.
He keeps denying that he’s close with her yet can’t find time to see me either. We work together. But he won’t talk to me at work and when he does it’s quick and nothing much else.
I’ve tried speaking to him and just seeing what we are because we do enjoy being together and we enjoy the sex sometimes too. But now I haven’t seen him properly in over 5 months and he’s just being extremely distant.
I want to bring up this girl and the videos she’s posting. I want to tell him that I feel gross doing things with him because I don’t trust that he hasn’t done them with her.
I want to tell him how hurt I am, but also that I think I love him.
But I also think he’s just going to dismiss it all. I’ve tried every possible way to speak with him but he just won’t take it.
Comments
I’m not sure what you want/expect from this guy and what the actual problem here is. Do you want to be friends with him, as in actual, platonic friends? In that case, you’ll have to accept, if not support him pursuing other women, and be happy for him when he meets people that make him happy. If you want to date him, you’ll have to be honest and direct about it, and expect that there’s a high chance he may reject you, but at least then you’ll know where you stand and you’ll (hopefully) take steps to move on from him. Being best friends and FWBs is obviously not sustainable in the long run.