My best friend is getting married soon, and we’ve been close for many years. I always thought we’d be in each other’s weddings (she is the first of us to get married). Not going to lie, it hurt when time passed after she told me she was getting married and I realized I wasn’t going to be asked to be a bridesmaid. She would be my #1. It’s possible there wasn’t room (sisters, sisters in law, relatives, etc), but honestly I think that’s what I tell myself to make myself feel better about it. Maybe I’m not as important to her as I thought I was or I’m overthinking it, idk. I would never say anything about it or show my disappointment of course, but it doesn’t stop me from being sad about it.
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I’m sorry, that hurts 😢
It’s all right to be sad or disappointed. To be honest, if you’re close, there should be a way to respectfully and calmly tell her your feelings without criticizing or blaming or expecting her to change it (because you’re right, there could be pressures from family/the size of the wedding). But if you two really are that close there could be space for the two of you to both express your regret or disappointment over not being able to have that experience together (particularly if she feels stuck in having to choose certain people). You could be able to have space to both express your disappointment, but also let her know that you’re not going to be a person pressuring her, and that you want to support her however you can. And if her reaction is very negative or defensive even if you bring it up in a very compassionate and non-critical way? I think that tells you something about her too. Good luck and love. It can be tough to feel pushed aside like this, and even if it was that type of family pressure, it still seems like she should have sat down and had a conversation with you about it. If you go into the conversation to listen and understand her situation it could be something that makes you closer not push you apart.
Aw, yeah that’s hurtful. Have you talked about it with her? Just hearing what she may say might provide closure. Don’t overthink it and just enjoy her wedding
Are you her best friend?
Most likely she’s on a budget. Just know that if she has unlimited money or is super rich, she will invite you.
My best friend asked me to be his best man. That was the last thing I heard from him. The wedding has come and gone. No contact, no explanation, nothing.
His loss.
Same thing happened with me with my close friend who’ve I’ve hanged with all throughout college and highschool. He asked 2 of our other friends including one that moved away for 6 years and barely kept in contact with us. Not me though. It really hurt my feelings and I never really got a good answer as to why. I’m sorry it happening to you too.
Had similar with childhood best friend. Had fun at the wedding, but ngl was hurt, and we don’t talk much anymore (both sides). I think we’ve grown apart as we’ve got older, and that’s okay. Grateful for the time I had with her, but also not going to spend my emotional resources on someone who has clearly chosen other people to fill that role in her life.
My best friend got married. She had other people in her wedding. I went and didn’t overly fret about it. At that time we weren’t the closest. When her child was born a few years later I was the only person besides her husband & grandparents asked to be in the waiting room so we could see the baby once it was born. We remain close to this day.
Life ebbs and flows.
I’m sorry. She’s your best friend, maybe you’re not hers? 🙁
This seems like a one-sided bestfriendship.
My oldest friend excluded me from her wedding party 30+ yrs ago and I’m still salty. I have my suspicions as to why. I also was seated at her “friends from work” table.
That truly sucks. I was in a similar position and it hurt, a lot. This was almost 8 years ago and sometimes I think back and feel the pain all over again 🙁
One of my closest friends got married a while ago. I thought I would be in her wedding party. I wasn’t.
I saw everyone who was in her party, and while I was pretty butt hurt, I understood why everyone was chosen. She has a lot of friends and she even had more bridesmaids than groomsmen.
She was still a bridesmaid in my wedding I had later on. We still hang out, she’s still my friend. I got over it. That being said, that was my situation and it’s totally up to you to feel however you want to feel about it, but it might help if you can justify why she chose who she chose to be in her wedding party.
You are allowed to be sad about it and still be brave enough to support your friend. I’m so sorry.
Let’s see it from another perspective. Some of my close friends got married without involving me in the wedding except as a guest. They, like your friend, have family members as MOH/bridesmaid/MC/bible reader etc. It never crossed my mind to be disappointed. I was glad to attend each reception without the hassle and those friendships resumed as usual until today. Isn’t it great that your friend meet someone she wants to marry, then you come and enjoy the party without needing to handle 1001 matters behind the scene?
My (małe) best friend asked me to be his best woman when he proposed to his gf (she was also my friend independently of their relationship). It was literally the first thing he said after his proposal. She was against that, and they ended up not inviting me to the wedding at all. It was the last time I believed in the friendship – never again, it just hurts too much.
OP,
After you discover her wedding date, plan a vacation getaway for the week of her wedding. When the invitation is received, simply regret. No reason provided.
Obviously you perceive the relationship in a light very different than how she perceives it. Respond accordingly.
Why wouldn’t you say anything about it? If you’re really best friends, you two should be able to have a conversation about it.
Thanks for sharing something so raw.
Your friend choosing others for her wedding party stings, but it doesn’t erase years of friendship or mean you matter less.
If it helps, notice what this moment is asking you to acknowledge.
As someone who’s only having family in their bridal party, I did talk to all the people I would’ve asked to be bridesmaids and said I was only including family. I explained I chose to do this because I didn’t want anyone to feel financial pressure or be forced to come to events that are difficult to attend especially with kids. I told them I wanted them to be able to enjoy the day. I invited all of them to events but reiterated there was no pressure, they’re invited to get ready with me, etc.
One friend in particular has gone above and beyond to help me and I invited her to the rehearsal dinner as a thank you and have told her multiple times how much I appreciate her.
Maybe have a conversation to see what her perspective is.