Hey guys! Long time listener, first time poster. I really need some advice I (29, female) had a best friend of 8 years (27, female). We met shortly after I moved to a new state without any friends or family. We will call her E. We became super close, like sisters. It felt like for the first time in my life I was getting to experience what it was like to have a life long best friend. We went through so many ups and downs together. We saw each other through a lot of hardships together. We would talk all day everyday. We would talk about how we would be maid of honors at each others weddings, be aunties to each others children, and we even got matching tattoos. We were the best of friends.
Now we weren’t always rainbows and sunshine either. We had arguments and moments that we didn’t talk for a few days. But overall we would talk it out and everything would be good.
She got engaged to her high school sweetheart. I was so excited he had me help him set up a proposal and all seemed good. That is until we got to about 3 months before the wedding. I don’t want to get into a lot of details about it but she started having doubts. I tried to encourage her to talk to him and at times even to call it off. (she felt like she missed out bc they got together so young) I empathized with her and again tried to get her to work it out. Instead, at her bachelorette party I happened to look over at her phone and she was sexting another guy. I was reeling bc that wasn’t like her. That wasn’t the person I had known for so many years at that point. I tried to talk to her about it and she avoided talking to me about saying it wasn’t any of my business what her and her fiancé agreed on for the weekend.
I didn’t believe her that her fiancé gave her a hall pass but I had no proof. Here’s where I messed up I didn’t tell E’s fiancé. I know now that maybe I should have but I took her word that it was a one time thing and that they agreed to it before they got married.
Shortly after their wedding E was full on having an affair with this other guy. Her husband (J) found out before I even did and he ended up kicking her out she went to live with her affair partner. I was there for both of them. E encouraged that J and I still have a relationship. We weren’t super close but I would empathize with him and apologized for not telling him. We had a big heart to heart and all was good. E found out that I had admitted to J I knew about the affair. I also confirmed with him that she went to live with her affair partner. (Probably not my best move) E went off. She told me I was never a good friend. She told me all I wanted was to stir the pot and that I never really cared about her. It broke my heart because that’s not true. I did make mistakes in our friendship, I made mistakes during this entire affair thing(not telling her husband, talking about it with others I trusted who I shouldn’t have) I didn’t always feel like the best friend to her but I always tried to do my best.
She said that our friendship never meant anything and while I knew that maybe wasn’t true, in the moment it heart like hell. Then she just disappeared, broke off not only our friendship but all of her friendships and put all of her family at arms length.
I spent the next year grieving the loss of my best friend. It was really hard at first I was angry then I was just sad. When the holidays came around I felt heart broken. It was really hard to not reach out to her and see how she was doing. There were so many moments I wished I could have messaged her to talk about. But then she tried to weasel herself back into her ex’s life and then tried to get me to convince him to take her back. Which hurt even more because all she wanted was to use both me and J.
Then she got pregnant. J found out and He told me. We were both kinda hurt. He thought that would be his baby and I thought I would be an auntie. However, by this point I had grieved the loss of someone I loved and I had started moving on.
However, two days ago she reached out to me. She found me on Facebook and told me how sorry she was. She accepted fault and said she realized she was having a mania episode. She told me she missed me so much and that I was never replaced in her heart. She is also getting help for her mental health. I believe her. I believe she wants to be better.
She sent me pictures of her daughter and I cried. She wants to reconnect and be friends again. I feel so confused. My boyfriend told me I could just not answer and that’s true but I don’t know if that’s what I want either. What do I do? Do I let her back into my life? I am so scared of being hurt again. She lied to me so much, said some really hurtful things, not just when she “broke up” with me, but she had started putting me down months before that. I realize now that she was having a mental health crisis but still I just don’t know what to do.
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Backup of the post’s body: Hey guys! Long time listener, first time poster. I really need some advice I (29, female) had a best friend of 8 years (27, female). We met shortly after I moved to a new state without any friends or family. We will call her E. We became super close, like sisters. It felt like for the first time in my life I was getting to experience what it was like to have a life long best friend. We went through so many ups and downs together. We saw each other through a lot of hardships together. We would talk all day everyday. We would talk about how we would be maid of honors at each others weddings, be aunties to each others children, and we even got matching tattoos. We were the best of friends.
Now we weren’t always rainbows and sunshine either. We had arguments and moments that we didn’t talk for a few days. But overall we would talk it out and everything would be good.
She got engaged to her high school sweetheart. I was so excited he had me help him set up a proposal and all seemed good. That is until we got to about 3 months before the wedding. I don’t want to get into a lot of details about it but she started having doubts. I tried to encourage her to talk to him and at times even to call it off. (she felt like she missed out bc they got together so young) I empathized with her and again tried to get her to work it out. Instead, at her bachelorette party I happened to look over at her phone and she was sexting another guy. I was reeling bc that wasn’t like her. That wasn’t the person I had known for so many years at that point. I tried to talk to her about it and she avoided talking to me about saying it wasn’t any of my business what her and her fiancé agreed on for the weekend.
I didn’t believe her that her fiancé gave her a hall pass but I had no proof. Here’s where I messed up I didn’t tell E’s fiancé. I know now that maybe I should have but I took her word that it was a one time thing and that they agreed to it before they got married.
Shortly after their wedding E was full on having an affair with this other guy. Her husband (J) found out before I even did and he ended up kicking her out she went to live with her affair partner. I was there for both of them. E encouraged that J and I still have a relationship. We weren’t super close but I would empathize with him and apologized for not telling him. We had a big heart to heart and all was good. E found out that I had admitted to J I knew about the affair. I also confirmed with him that she went to live with her affair partner. (Probably not my best move) E went off. She told me I was never a good friend. She told me all I wanted was to stir the pot and that I never really cared about her. It broke my heart because that’s not true. I did make mistakes in our friendship, I made mistakes during this entire affair thing(not telling her husband, talking about it with others I trusted who I shouldn’t have) I didn’t always feel like the best friend to her but I always tried to do my best.
She said that our friendship never meant anything and while I knew that maybe wasn’t true, in the moment it heart like hell. Then she just disappeared, broke off not only our friendship but all of her friendships and put all of her family at arms length.
I spent the next year grieving the loss of my best friend. It was really hard at first I was angry then I was just sad. When the holidays came around I felt heart broken. It was really hard to not reach out to her and see how she was doing. There were so many moments I wished I could have messaged her to talk about. But then she tried to weasel herself back into her ex’s life and then tried to get me to convince him to take her back. Which hurt even more because all she wanted was to use both me and J.
Then she got pregnant. J found out and He told me. We were both kinda hurt. He thought that would be his baby and I thought I would be an auntie. However, by this point I had grieved the loss of someone I loved and I had started moving on.
However, two days ago she reached out to me. She found me on Facebook and told me how sorry she was. She accepted fault and said she realized she was having a mania episode. She told me she missed me so much and that I was never replaced in her heart. She is also getting help for her mental health. I believe her. I believe she wants to be better.
She sent me pictures of her daughter and I cried. She wants to reconnect and be friends again. I feel so confused. My boyfriend told me I could just not answer and that’s true but I don’t know if that’s what I want either. What do I do? Do I let her back into my life? I am so scared of being hurt again. She lied to me so much, said some really hurtful things, not just when she “broke up” with me, but she had started putting me down months before that. I realize now that she was having a mental health crisis but still I just don’t know what to do.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.