My best friend (20) called me today and said she was pregnant by her FWB which she has admitted was toxic over and over again. My reaction was not surprise or happy for her but concern. The man who got her pregnant has a daughter who isn’t even 1 yet, lives with her mother, and by what I’ve gathered from my best friend, he does not pay child support. He’s a bum. Hardly provides for his daughter and I’ve mentioned these things to her before and I don’t know why the fuck my best friend thinks she can ‘change’ him. I’ve lectured her about him being a piece of shit and it goes inside one ear and out.
I told her there wasn’t anyone she could change but herself. If he could not change being an asshole for his newborn daughter, what is pushing out his second kid going to do? She jokes about ‘trapping’ him and I again, lectured her. On the call today, she kept laughing and making jokes, but I think I was on the verge of tears. I fear for her if she goes through with it, regardless, I will support her in every way I can. It’s just a frustrating thing to think of.
She’s disregarded all the cons I gave her.
I’ve raised my godson since he was born. I was 15 and I’m 19 now, legally his guardian. I don’t know who his father is, and my sister left him to me the second he was born (that’s another thing to get into later). It’s bad enough that my sister and my son’s biological dad are alive and still abandoned their child, but it angers me when I see the same thing happening to other children. DON’T HAVE FUCKING KIDS IF YOU’RE JUST GOING TO ABANDON THEM!!!!!!
If my best friend decides to go through with this, her sisters and I know that the father won’t pull through and be a good fucking dad. Though I advise against it, I’ll support her anyway. It just makes my blood boil, and it might not even be any of my business. I won’t get into her personal life but with all that I know, I don’t think this is a good idea. On top of her finances, living situation, and mental health, I’m just so worried.
I plan on telling her everything I’m saying here, just want advice.
Comments
You already spoke your peace and told her all the cons. Now it’s her decision to either listen to you or not. It’s not your life it is her life. Some people have to learn the hard way and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.
Pushing the matter will push your friend away. Let it go. She knows how you feel but she’s 20 and thinks she knows better.
i know that you love her and you want to protect her, but fundamentally you cannot change her, convince her or make her see things differently. in fact you’ve tried, and it hasn’t worked. any more will probably drive a wedge in your relationship. watching people make bad choices is like watching a wrecking ball hit them, you want to get in the way and protect them from it cause you can see it coming but you can’t. it has to hit them or else they won’t learn
There’s nothing you can do. Your seeing the car wreck first hand but your not driving your not even in the car. I never understood wanting to be a parent when you don’t have your shit together. You need to create the best environment for the kid to thrive. Meaning two loving parents, plenty of people to be part of the village, stable living situation.
Hard lesson to learn in life is that you can’t ever make anyone do anything. All you can do is let her know that you’re coming from a place of love and serious concern. Accept that it probably doesn’t matter what you say.
Just remember that adoption is always on the table whenever she does finally see reality. There are countless great families waiting for kids.