Hi. I don’t really know how to use Reddit, but I really need some advice on how to deal with this or if I’m overreacting. I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about it.
We’re both 14 year old girls, and she’s been my best friend since 3rd grade when she moved here.
She mostly lives with her mom and only visits her dad every other weekend.
Right after we started 5th grade, her mom got a new boyfriend, who I’ll call M. M has been a bit weird from the beginning, and I’ve never liked him, but my friend had said she was happy for her mom.
Some time passed, and I asked if we could have a sleepover at her place, since we’d only had sleepovers at mine after M came into the picture. She wasn’t sure at first, but eventually she said yes.
As soon as I stepped into the house for the sleepover M was there and said he was happy to see his stepdaughter, because she was hardly ever home. We went into her room, and she locked the door. I asked why, and she said she didn’t want M to come in.
At 10 PM, after her mom had gone to bed, M knocked on her bedroom door. She opened it, and he asked if she would give him a foot massage and said he would pay her for it. Like, wtf? She said no and slammed the door.
The next morning, M told me how much he had enjoyed my visit and that I should come more often. He said it was nice that I could put a smile on my friend’s face.
After that experience, I didn’t want to be in that house anymore, so we always had sleepovers at my place after that.
But one day my friend (she was 13 at the time) called me and told me she had ran away from home and that I wouldn’t see her for a while. I asked why and she said it was because of M. She also told me, she had called her mom and asked her to break up with him, but her mom said that wasn’t going to happen and that she’d just have to run away then.
Long story short, the police got involved and found her pretty quickly. Her mom got really angry when she saw her again and told her to pull herself together and act more mature (I think).
After that, CPS started visiting my friend’s home. She has told me that she had lied to them so she wouldn’t be sent away. Her reasoning was that then she wouldn’t be able to see me or her dad.
Recently, she’s started talking about M again. Her mom is still with him. The last thing she told me was that she now locks the bathroom door when she takes a shower, because she doesn’t want her stepdad to come in.
Honestly, I’m a little worried about her, but I have promised not to say anything, otherwise our friendship is over. I feel like a bad person for keeping this a secret, and I don’t know what to do.
Comments
She needs to tell her dad. He might be able to get full custody. Please encourage her to do that. I am afraid that stepdad might escalate his behavior. If she’s unwilling to do that, please chat with your parents or a trusted adult.
Oh honey, you’re such a sweetheart for being concerned about your friend, and rightfully so. I think it may be time you speak to your parents about this. Perhaps they can help.
You also need to encourage your friend to tell the truth. By lying, she is putting herself in a dangerous situation. It sounds like her stepfather hasn’t done anything yet, but he’s slowing pushing the boundaries. I hope she is able to get herself removed from that unsafe situation before something irreparable happens. No 14 year olds should have to be concerned about this. Shame on her mother and her father for not putting her safety and well being first.
I hope she has other family members who can possibly take her in. You both are 14 and there are ways for you both to stay in contact. Tell her you’d rather her be safe than concerned about not seeing you again. You can always remain in touch, and maybe even plan to apply to the same colleges together. So even if you might get temporarily separated for now, you both can reunite later in life. Her safety should be the highest priority right now.