Hello. I guess I could say I’m writing this out of desperation? I’ve been dealing with these feelings of discomfort ever since he started updating me and texting me less and less about the things he was up to when he was out. We are medium distance, but can only see each other once a month, twice if we’re lucky as we’re both students and don’t have enough of an income to comfortably visit each other all the time.
We’ve been dating for about 7-8 months now, he’s my first serious relationship and he’s had many of my firsts. So I value our connection and don’t want any feelings to fray. In the beginning of our relationship, yes, he would still go out, l’d say maybe 3-4 times a week with his friends. Not clubbing, but mostly leaving around 7-8 at night, getting some coffees playing board games going on drives etc.. and home at around midnight. Now I didn’t have any problems with these hours as long as he told me what he was up to and he was safe, his plans etc. I do have a panic disorder and tend to think the worst so when there’s a significant amount of distance between us the only thing that sets my heart at ease were his updates.
Now coming to present day, for about the last 2 months he’s been steadily going out every night, coming home as late as 2 am with little to no updates on if he’s doing good. We’ve had many fights over this, as I keep telling him just a simple message will help me feel better, and I would really appreciate it if you didn’t come home that late. I was always met with mean comments and I’ve always been the one who ended up apologizing for bringing up my discomfort. Goes out every night. Doesn’t call me, doesn’t text me, and I have to end up begging, again, just for a sign of life.
Before anyone criticizes me about the hour ordeal, he wants me home before midnight as well. And I’ve never broken that trust he has for me. Let’s say ! have to do something as simple as go and get cigarettes from the corner store, but it’s just past 9pm, he’d tell me to stay home because “it’s late and I shouldn’t go out. That he wouldn’t like that” I’m just a bit confused on my feelings. I’m getting very frustrated and if I have to be honest tired of feeling all this stress and nervousness and dread every night. I don’t know what to do.
TL;DR his lack of care when he goes out to have fun with his friends worries and and ive reached an impasse.