MY BF (25M) and I (24F) live together. Earlier this week, my boyfriend and I got into a heated argument. He basically got upset when I asked if we could go over the things I owe him for. I’ve been out of a job for about a month, and during that time, he’s been paying the rent. I recently started a new job and wanted to begin paying him back for the things he covered. I just wanted to go over everything, but for some reason, he got upset. He said I’m missing certain things that I owe, and that he’ll “handle it” —but what does that even mean?
I like seeing things broken down so I know exactly what I’m paying for. But instead, he kept accusing me of trying to get over on him and even called me a bad person. Super weird.
Mind you, this argument was happening over text while he was at the gym. When he got home, I was laying in bed half-asleep, and we started talking. He claimed he never said I was a bad person. So I showed him the messages, and he came over, quickly apologized, and gave me a hug.
It felt as thought he was dismissing what I was saying, I told him that’s not fair-I’m trying to tell him what he said and how it hurt my feelings. But I guess he thought I was just nagging or focusing on the negatives, because he started telling me to “shut the f*** up” multiple times. And I wasn’t even yelling-I was just calmly trying to express how I felt.
Eventually, I snapped. I started yelling back, “YOU shut the f*** up!” and completely freaked out. I ended up breaking his keys. He knows my triggers, and he just kept pushing. After that, he told me I had to “get out.” We’ve been living together for four months now and together for almost a year-our anniversary is in five days.
He started packing his stuff and made this big scene. His name is on the lease, not mine. Then he texted me saying I had a day to leave, I told him I can’t, then he said a week. I told him I needed at least 30 days to figure out where to go —my mom’s house isn’t an option anymore. He said “okay,” but then texted me saying l’m going to have him homeless for 30 days bc he was gonna sleep in his car…. and I’m just like, what?! I said he can sleep in the bed or on the couch, because at that point, he said he didn’t want to be around me.
Later that day, he texted me a list of money I owe him. I didn’t respond. He came back to the apartment, plugged in his PS5, and just chilled on the bed. We didn’t talk for like two days. Then he randomly tells me he’s “anxious,” and later says, “You’re not leaving, that’s dead,” “I want you here,” and “Don’t leave me.”
But honestly? I’m already so far checked out. I don’t even want to be around him anymore—I just want to pack m stuff and go.
I’ve learned my lesson about moving in with a boyfriend.
This is the consequence. I already had doubts. Like, he doesn’t know how to cook or even what certain utensils are used for. He doesn’t clean properly. He leaves clothes unfolded on the floor or forgets them in the dryer. It’s just… a lot. Maybe this is my sign to RUN WHILE I CAN.
I can admit I can be moody and irritable. He always says I have a bad tone or attitude, but seriously, bro? You’ve been saying this for 11 months and you’re still with me. I feel like he’s literally manipulating me.
Also-anytime we argue, and I bring up something that happened YESTERDAY, he’s like, “Why are you bringing up the past?” Like what?!
Sorry y’all, I’m just confused. I honestly don’t want to be in a relationship for a while after this LOL. It’s so much more to this relationship but I can’t write it all down.
He makes me wanna stay and have hope that it can’t work, but honestly his moods hot and cold and I can’t deal with it. He wants to feel like a man but doesn’t act like one.
He always says “ask my friends they know a I’m chill person and I don’t cause problems” lol I beg to differ…
TL;DR;: I really love him, I thought it was gonna work but I’m guessing not, it’s giving incompatibility really. Can I put all this aside?