My boyfriend and I were together for a year and had been living together almost the entire time. A few weeks ago, he made a really dumb decision while driving and ended up taking a legal deal that involves going to a rehab facility in Florida for a full year. As part of the deal, he’s going completely no-contact with everyone except immediate family.
The only person allowed to visit him is his mom, and she does not like me at all. So that’s a dead end. I’m not considered immediate family, which means I probably won’t hear from him at all until he gets out next year.
Now I’m living alone in Arizona, trying to process all of this.
I begged him not to take the deal. It felt like a bad idea, like nobody was being upfront about what would actually happen. And now I’m just… here. Mad as hell. Hurt. Abandoned. I agreed to wait for him but now I’m not sure.
I’m stuck wondering: is it even worth waiting for someone who’ll come back completely changed? He’s going to have different priorities, different values. I’d basically have to fall in love with a whole new version of him — and I don’t know if my heart can take that.
TL;DR:
Is it worth waiting a year for someone who may not be the same person — or should I cut my losses and move on with my life?
Comments
Your boyfriend was an addict who was not ready to be in a relationship. He will now not be able to be in a relationship for a year or more, depending on how long it takes for him to get on his feet.
He simply wasn’t ready to be your boyfriend and neither of you have any idea when he will be. You should definitely move on, which will also give him the space to move on with his.
This seems suspicious. Rehab for a whole year? Rehab doesn’t typically take that long, plus it’s a whole drain on resources. Either his situation is a lot worse than you know, or he’s lying to you. Or both.
You’re 21 years old. I know you love him now, but you will most likely be a different person in a year, too– and a year after that, as well. Most people go through many changes in their twenties– I didn’t really fully know who I was until I was thirty, even though I was sure that I did long before that. It’s like that for a lot of people. You learn as you live, and you change and grow as you learn.
He made what he believes is the right choice for himself to get his life on track. He didn’t consider you in that decision, and I know that hurts. But he was in trouble, and he (I’m assuming) wants a better life for himself, and letting go of you was the way he could have it. Maybe he wishes that wasn’t the case, but it’s also possible he’s had doubts about your relationship before this and took the out when it presented itself.
I think you should do the same thing for yourself! What kind of life do you want to live, and who do you want to be, for yourself? Don’t think about him when you decide this; just think about yourself. Then take steps to get where you want to be.
He may very well not even be interested in getting back together– even if you put your life on hold and wait, there is no guarantee that he will want you then. Don’t make decisions based on something that’s only a possibility.
Maybe one day you two will fall in love again, as totally different people. Or maybe you’ll both meet someone new who is better for the versions of yourself that exist then.
But whatever happens, you need to make the right decisions for yourself, because you’re the only person who can really do that.
Never heard of this even for extreme DUI and I live in Arizona so must be pretty bad. And if it was then your bf needs the treatment and he should be there. Do what you feel is right for yourself because he’s focusing on him.
At 21 no I wouldn’t wait for him.