My boyfriend (26M) is a lawyer by profession. He doesn’t specifically enjoy law and is only continuing it as it pays his bills.He’s moved out of his hometown to this city(where I reside and where we met) to pursue his dream a year back. Within one month of his shifting, we met and hit it off and started going out. He also told me he’s at the age where he cannot afford a fling and is only looking for something meaningful. I was elated. And it was a couple of good months. He’s a very private person who doesn’t reveal about his stresses, problems and wish to deal with them in his own way. He doesn’t even like being interfered or told what should be done. I made my peace with it, reluctantly. From where he’s coming he feels I can only listen and even if I help him that wouldn’t make him feel the best as it’s his problem and so he should resolve it. He’s been very kind, loving, genuine but I can see him struggling through some days and I can only watch from afar without being able to do much. Recently the company he worked for told him they’d all have to give an exam to keep continuing and there are a couple of other stressors that I’m oblivious to. He just told me two days back that he can’t afford a relationship amidst all of the mess he’s dealing with and that we should breakup. We did try being on a break for a whole sometime back and while it was tough on me, i still went ahead w it cause I love him so much and he really is such a good guy. But now he’s insistent on breakup. I did suggest we take a break or time off while he’s juggling with his stuff but he says he’ll feel guilty of making me wait and what if it takes him more than a couple of months to be successful/better?
He wants me to move on and live happily without him.
I am devastated and I don’t know what to do.
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He’s giving reasons, but bottom line is that he wants out of this relationship with you.
It hurts, but the sooner you accept that as the base reason, the sooner you can move on.
You make peace with the fact that you were incompatible in this relationship, learn from the errors of you both, and better yourself.
He’s done with your relationship. It doesn’t matter if you agree with his reason or if you don’t want to break up. He’s allowed to break up and all you can do now is accept it.
Feel sad for awhile. Cry if you need to. And then work on getting over it.
The relationship is over. Better early on. It’s obvious he has some growing to do if he can’t manage basic life challenges like a relationship and an exam at work. He is not mature enough for you.
This is not someone you want to be with long term. He may be kind and sweet but he’s rigid and doesn’t know how to navigate the curves life throws at him without bending. I can’t imagine a partner who wouldn’t bounce ideas off of me or accept help. Being a partner is all about supporting each other and being the strength to the others weakness.
I do wonder if he’s just not emotionally developed or if he is on the spectrum though. That’s a very locked in way of thinking that wouldn’t make sense to most people.
Accept that this relationship has come to it’s conclusion. You can’t make someone be with you.
He wants to breakup. Doesn’t matter what the reason is. Respect his decision grieve the relationship and move on.
I can’t imagine that he will be good in law if he buckles so easily when something goes wrong. His first instinct was to ditch you when there was a bit of turbulence at work. This is not a quality in someone who is ready to be in a serious long term relationship.
I know that it sucks. Give it some time, take some space. Let life take you where it needs to.
The brutal reality is that we all (hopefully) have had special people in our lives and if we wanted to keep them, we’d make it work. I’ve been insanely busy in life to the point where I didn’t have the capacity or the will to meaningfully communicate or hang out for weeks, but the people I loved and vice versa were still there. We counted on each other to be there and we always picked up where we left off. We trusted each other. Although we both had phases of being extremely busy with career issues or life problems, not just me.
Unfortunately, your ex-boyfriend has made it clear – with his actions – that he doesn’t want to make room for you in his life anymore. It hurts, it sucks, it’s painful, but you need to realise this and respect yourself by letting him go and prioritising yourself and a future without him.
If he still loves you and wants you back, he knows where you are and how to reach you. Leave the ball in his court.
You’re about at that age where you’re gonna have to learn that you need more than just love for a relationship to work, and you need to learn how to walk away from a relationship with someone you love that doesn’t work.
More importantly, your partner isn’t ready for a committed relationship if they can’t be emotionally open with their partner. You shouldn’t have to step back and watch your partner burn himself out in a healthy relationship.
I think when you step back and take some time to yourself you might realise that there were some things you were putting up with that were weighing on you.
Take his advice. Don’t fight for someone who doesn’t want life with you. Move on. He’ll be back soon enough.