feeling very lost and confused in life right now. i really want to hear some other people’s opinion on this.
basically, i had a gut feeling the past few days that something was up. he was being very avoidant with me and seemed annoyed for no reason. we’ve been together for a year. I’ve never asked to see his phone or looked before, but something just felt like I had to.
I went into his texts and found in his recently deleted messages that his ex gf of 3 years (who he lived away in a different country with) texted him that she was in an uber and the driver told her a crazy story about his favourite football player. The text basically said “hey it’s _____ texting you from my new number, you probably hate me …. so on”. She messaged that at 3am…. he responded at 4am… while i was asleep next to him in our bed.
He responded something along the lines of “Haha wild”. She responded by asking how he has been doing and he answered “Good just busy working all the time”. She then told him she had moved for work and a few hours later he asked how it was up there. She responded by sending a bunch of pictures at sports game and telling him she was actually a huge sports fan now.🙄
I don’t know how to feel about this. I took all my stuff and left but he’s saying that was dramatic. How would you respond? I understand the texts weren’t bad but it’s just the fact he cares to respond to her. They broke up 6 months before we started dating, he dumped her.
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its not ok that he was texting his ex in bed with you and then tried to hide it, or that he was being avoidant and disengaged with you. how would he feel if he went through your phone and found deleted text messages with your ex? calling you dramatic when he obviously tried to hide it is insane to me and if you want to continue your relationship he needs to realize that.
Do you have to ask?
You are 100% better off without him regardless. A 28 year old dating a 20 year old is a huge red flag.
Did he only say you’re dramatic without giving comfort, wanting to know why you left, anything of that sort?
Also. The messages were deleted because he wanted to hide it. Not knowing the full context, but I’d most likely be gone.
You took all your stuff and left because his ex texted him and he texted her back? Lol. Why are you going thru his phone anyway? The relationship is never going to work.
Do be sorry, I am just saying if it doesn’t feel right to you, that is the important part. IMO anybody who would text there previous is a loser and you need to dump
Him
If he’s texting her while in bed with you that’s a huge red flag
He deleted them for a reason… and what you saw was most likely just a tiny fraction of what he deleted all together…I mean, she says this is her new number…so there were obviously messages from her old number as well.. I went thru my relationship with blinders on.. and look back on shit and cannot believe some of the stupid shit I believed. Things that were so obvious that I just took his word for..
If you feel uncomfortable with it the answer is NO no matter what he tries to say because if he loves you he will not want to hurt you but if he defends his behavior that a sign of disrespect and he would continue to make you feel guilty until you let him do what he wants so the answer is it’s not normal
Please leave him. When you’re 25, you WILL thank yourself for leaving. You deserve so much better all around
Not ok.. the fact he has been acting weird towards you and then you find this and in his deleted folder even though you NEVER look at his phone?? Absolutely is a red flaming hot red flag. . I bet there are some other things that arent right and you havent mentioned or maybe you dont even know .. but yeah, you did good taking all your stuff and leaving, dont be in a hurry to go back, and remember that this behavior escalates quickly especially once they get away with it.