Hey guys! I figured I’d attempt to get some advice on here because I can’t talk about this with anyone else. 🙁
So me (19f) and my bf (20m) have been dating since high school so I’d say around 4 years and a few years back, I opened up to him about how my father was abusive to me, physically, verbally, and sexually. He’s been very comforting and understanding about the whole thing until recently. We usually share our strange fantasies with each other and have never had a problem at all. But this one night we were asking eachother questions as to what we would and wouldn’t do like usual and he asked me, “would you ever do it with your father?”
….Of course I was baffled and assumed it was some kind of sick joke so I just forced a laugh and obviously said no. But then he told me that he wouldn’t mind if I would and my stomach dropped. I asked him if he was serious and he just shrugged it off responding with “I don’t know, it’s probably because I used to watch ‘daddy+daughter’ stuff” ifykwim.
Im not sure how to feel about it and I don’t want to leave him because this is really the only big complaint I have about him. I just feel like taking all that courage to open up to him about my situation with my father and how it destroyed my self esteem and practically ruined my life meant nothing to him. I may be over exaggerating a bit but I feel like a few would agree that this is crazy right?. I’d really appreciate any advice on how I could talk to him about this or if there’s anything that anyone could offer to just help me get over this, I don’t know…
Ps: I’ll probably delete this later because I wouldn’t want him to find this :/
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You leave this sick pervert asap! He’s not healthy or safe with your deepest darkest raw parts. Dump him block him move away! Run & run fast! Call 211 and domestic abuse hotline. He is verbally abusing you and mental cruelty. Go see a therapist. See if they give you other advice. Sick af!
That wasn’t just a red flag it was a flashing siren and your trauma should never be treated like a kink.
Sit him down and express to him that what he said really crossed a line with you your sexual abuse isn’t something to fetishised
I don’t really know how sexual fantasies work, I’ve heard that it’s normal to get turned on by kinda taboo things (like step mother etc) so I don’t know if you have to be a bad person to have that kink as long as you don’t act on it, and I think most people would feel bad about having a fantasy like that and suppress it, and feel kinda gross if they were to let’s say masturbate to it. Either way he doesn’t seem to feel gross about it and him asking that was crazy insensitive, makes me think he’s not very sympathetic. I think you should revalue if you really know this guy? Is he really as nice and great as you say he is? Also ask yourself if you think that you will ever be able to get over this? And use those answers to determine if you should stay or not.
I’m also curious: did you just laugh or have you expressed some discomfort and did he say anything more after telling you this kink (like that he was sorry)
Hoooooold up, hell nah, like he does know it’s fake right, that’s fake, not for real, real, especially after what you went through.
Honestly can’t say if I would advice you to stay or leave, but if you wanna stay have a very serious talk of what is not OK, cause that is not OK and if he can’t accept that, then end it. A person who uses your trauma as fetish is sick, well I am a man so if it was unintentional I would forgive them and have a talk, however if they continue doing it after then i would leave, they have issues themselfs and need therapy.
thaaaaaaaaaaaat is really sick and twisted and should be immediate reason to dump him. i dont say that lightly at all. thats sick.
I have similar intrusive thoughts due to trauma, but there’s a difference between feeding into them, and keeping them strictly internal (except to your therapist), remaining aware that they are unwanted.
The fact that he doesnt seem to be in severe distress over the thought, AND decided to ask you about it seriously, leads me to believe this is truly just a sick fantasy of his. Regardless of if it started as an intrusive thought or not, he is feeding into something severely unhealthy and inappropriate thats causing you emotional harm as well.
Him giving reasons (even if true) after seeing how upset the question made you, is just a way to try to excuse it.
You’ve already been very clear about your boundaries (tbh it should have gone without saying). If he wasnt willing to shut that shit down immediately and get help, and remains serious about the question, you need to leave him asap for your own sanity/ safety.
Leave come on. Ffs
Your boyfriend is sick in the head. He’s very likely to molest his own daughter.
Cucks gotta cuck
Fuck how did you end up w a fetish creep like that???? I’m so sorry!
You’ll never understand bc there is no understanding. You gotta end it w him. I’m really sorry :/
The only expression that comes to my mind is ewwwwww
This is really worrying. First thing knowing that you told him what your father did to you if you can even call him that. He still fantasies about it which is a massive no no but then you got to think what if he shrugged it off and said he was joking and later down the line and you have kids and they grow older then you have a worry is this the kind of thing he might try. Incest is wrong and you should not be staying around. Please becareful and make the correct decision…
RUN! And make sure you tell him why! That’s f*ing sick! You don’t need that in your life. You deserve better! Daddy daughter “stuff” is disgusting! It abuse! Who tf says that- This dude does!!!
You’re young! Find true love! Cuz this ain’t it! SMDH
That’s enough reason to dump him. You are still young. You will find someone that actually supports you and not think of you in that sick way. You deserve better. This is a big enough reason to break up
Run don’t walk to the nearest exit. Your boyfriend is your Father all over again.