Im a 23 year old (f) and I’ve been seeing this guy he’s 27 but he has an issue where he finishes very fast and I’m not really sure what to do about it.
He told me that it’s not just like this with me and it has pretty much been like this with everyone he has been with. he has even finished from me just making out with him & sitting on top of him with clothes on. We’ve had sex a couple of times but every time he only lasts for like 30 seconds, even on the second round it’s like only a minute or something.
I’ve spoken to him about it and asked if him he has any issues or something down there or if he’s anxious, he just said it’s just always been like this and he doesn’t know why he finishes so fast. I have done my research and saw that there are some thing he could do to work on it like take some medications, supplements do some exercises or something but idk I kinda feel like he hasn’t really put it in the effort to try to work on it and hasn’t made it a priority I kinda feel like since he finishes and makes me finish too from other things that he doesn’t really see it as such a big deal. Sex is a really important part of the relationship for me and I want to be able to have sex with my partner especially if this is going to be long term and I feel like having sex for less then a minute isn’t even really having sex.
I’ve never been with a guy who has finished this quickly so I’m not sure if this is normal or if he might have some kind of medical or psychological issue (like anxiety) that might be contributing to this or something. I know it can’t be fixed over night and it will take time to work on it, and maybe it’s kinda shallow of me but I just feel like if this can’t be worked on then I’m not sure if I can continue with him, it’s important for me to be with someone I can have sex with for at least a few minutes. does anyone have any advice or ideas of what he could do to work on this or if this is normal or not?
My bf finishes extremely fast and I’m not sure what to do about it
r/Advice
Comments
Damn y’all don’t care about personality….if a relationship was ever the first part of my relationship and not personality y’all gone I’m fr breaking up and saying goodbye and idgaf you should like me for who I am and not my dick size
Hey, tbh it sounds like he needs to step up. U’ve done ur research, thrown him some solutions but he doesn’t seem bothered? Red flag much? Like u said, sex IS important in a relationship. It’s not shallow wanting a decent sex life. Might not be a ‘popular’ opinion, but break it down for him. If he doesn’t take ur needs seriously, u might need to rethink. Just my 2 cents. Matter ain’t normal, imo. Good luck!
You need a better lover. So tell him to figure out how to last longer
Pull him back towards you and tell him to continue!
It’s not shallow to want better sex. It’s perfectly normal. It’s also perfectly reasonable to dump him and find someone who satisfies you.
If you insist on trying to make it work than he needs to masturbate more. He also apparently needs to be prepared to edge himself for your benefit. It’s not unreasonable to expect a male partner to hold off on ejaculating. If he doesn’t than it’s not unreasonable to expect him to stay hard and finish the job
Potentially he could wear a condom or there is a jell that desensitizes. That should make him last longer for you. Personally I would not threaten him with abandonment as that will worsen his insecurities.
Maybe try more than “a couple of times” and see how it goes. If still nothing changes, try working with him to improve. There are probably loads of things that he could do to improve, I mean, there’s a whole industry around premature ejaculation, so there must be plenty to do. Make him see it’s not normal, but try to do so respectfully and without causing him a trauma around it, as I guess that could make it worse… and it’s a very sensitive issue for guys.
OP, how about round 3?
He needs to learn when to stop so he can calm down. You need more foreplay and excitement before he gets anything extra. It’s how you meet in the middle. Also, different positions when you notice him getting close. How well can you read his body language so you can stop before it gets to be too much for him?
Damn damn damn damn damn
This is going to be different. He needs to stop focusing on the feeding. If he’s only concentrating on the feeling he’s going cum quick. Don’t think about how good it feels think about something else. Hopefully this makes sense. He needs to learn how to desensitize himself from the feeling.
Finishing quickly isn’t unheard of.
It seems like the primary issue here is that when he ejaculates sex is basically over. So he gets his pleasure, but you don’t.
He doesn’t see it as a big deal. But you do. Tell him that you are upset because he gets to finish but you don’t. He gets to end satisfied, but you are left frustrated. Then suggest that if he finishes early he needs to perform oral on you until you orgasm. Or use a toy on you until you orgasm.
Honestly, it was like that with my ex husband. Once he came sex was over. So I always went first. He didn’t have the same issue your bf does though. His was actually the opposite in that he struggled to cum.
Cock rings can sometimes help, as can a numbing cream (but keep in mind that if he uses that and then enters you, you will become numb too, so he should probably apply that and then use a condom so that it doesn’t get on you). Mental exercises, like trying to do math problems in your head, can help distract him enough so that he doesn’t cum right away.
Some women would not see this as a problem 🙂 how many guys have heard, are you close??
Thoroughly unload the “gun” Reinflate and then proceed to reach your destination.
Sometimes get yours first get yours by his☝️or 👅 then take thirty seconds 👊💦to finish him, rollover and go to sleep
Edging 😉
Breathing exercises, keeping it deep and steady helps. Failing that there is supplements he can take that will make him last longer. I use them from time to time and it makes me go for hours tbf. Not sure if I can link them (subreddit rules etc) but it’s basically Maca and Ginseng extracts… plenty of different brands, I get mine off of Amazon.
Look for Mens delay formula.
He must learn to slow down or stop before the point of no return, and to hold it in when he gets too close.
I wouldn’t last more than 2 minutes if I didn’t do that. But I am able to go for 20 minutes by doing that.
I don’t allow myself to finish until my girlfriend has had at least one orgasm.
As a bonus, the orgasm is so much better when you’ve been edging for 20 minutes.
This is all in his mind.
Next time ask him to think about his grandma while doing it.
Medications or mdma. Good luck!
This is not as simple of a fix as people are making it out to be. Some psych meds like trazadone can sometimes help but can have very bad side effects. Desensitizing gels can help… sometimes. Having multiple sessions can help… sometimes. Nothing is for sure going to work. He can try those things, but the best advice here is foreplay with a focus on her to make sure she gets her cookies too.
Start with a bj.
At 27 he should be able to resume fairly quickly and he’ll last longer the next time. I mean if he can’t he can’t. Also if he can’t get you off that way, many women simply can’t btw… Then he better learn to be good on his knees. Or maybe buy him a toy, to use on you. Obviously he need to work on it.. but if he can’t he can still make it great for you just not that way.
Honestly he might need to masturbate more and focus on edging himself.
There is lotions that numb his penis so he can last longer
What about looking into:
Hims for Men.
Imagine getting to 27 and not worked this out yet
Wear a t shirt with his mom’s face on it looking disappointing at him
The secret is to use the muscles in reverse of what feels natural. He’s trying to hold in which only builds up the pressure. Tell him to use the muscle that he does when he’s pushing out pee. Have those muscles pushing the entire time. This works!!!
It’s selfish, that’s what it is. There are always ways to pleasure your partner before you spout off.
Make him take setraline or other ssri
Get him hard again
I have the opposite of this issue. My boyfriend takes forever to finish, yet he makes me finish 15-17 times per sexy time
Don’t blame him, it just means he’s really excited with you
Short term
He gives you an orgasm with his fingers and tongue before hand
He slows down or stops when he’s near
Thicker condom or desensitising spray
Positions that aren’t as stimulating
Tell him to jack off an hour or so before
Go for round 2
Longer term
Pelvic floor conditioning exercises
Did he finish early? Take a short break with giving head and then go for round 2, repeat until the voices of his ancestors tell him to stop you before it’s too late.
Tell him to paypal me for the idea after.
30 seconds is so freaking awful dude. It might be time to leave buddy because it sounds like he doesn’t give a crap
Rhino pills from the liquor store … haha
Therapy and medication.
Suck him hard and go again. Repeat as necessary.
Finger up the butt and massage his prostate for a round 3. He might not believe it but he’ll get some intense orgasms this way too and you’ll be closer to getting yours
He can’t help it dear… I’am pretty much the same.. he definitely has premature ejaculation.. it wasn’t a problem in my marriage but it still bothered me a lot.. never had to do anything about it because I gave her an orgasm with oral sex and toys..then we would have intercourse. I can’t believe you would end your relationship because he has premature Ejaculation…. It does get better with time and there are alot that can be done to delay him from cumming too soon… good luck
As someone who can finish to quick. I found that it was a mental thing, if I can go down on her and get her off one or two times from that I feel like all the pressure is off. I can actually enjoy the sex without feeling like a have a goal to achieve, the spot light isn’t on me, she’s already happy and now I can just go and maybe give her another but if not then we’ll end to a 1:1 or 2:1. It isn’t a fit all fix, but maybe it’s a mental thing for him too
Lazy lover. He needs to practice stopping his pee mid stream, it takes real concentration. Particularly first thing and at the beginning of the stream.
Same muscles and concentration power applies to holding back the children. If he is lazy about satisfying you as well then you have your answer.
A visit to the doc might be in order if he is not otherwise lazy.
Make sure you finish before piv.
Add some toys for you like clit sucker or bullet for clit stimulation during piv.
How long does he need between rounds? Give him a quick hand job as part of foreplay. Then keep the session going he can focus on you until he is ready for round 2. Maybe try a dildo or vibrator on you until he is ready again and he can try penis rings or sleeve during piv.
He’s just not good at fucking. He probably won’t ever be either. You have to be of the mindset of “destroy that pussy until she taps out.” But only if that’s what makes you cum. My wife gets off multiple times. Every. Single. Time. We wouldn’t be compatible if it were any different. Nothing wrong with that. I would even argue that sex is THE most important thing to some of us and that’s cool too.
They make meds that work wonders for this. Tell him to check out hims
You’ve done your research; medications, supplements and exercises….
What supplements and meds are going to change him? If it was that easy, then i dont think this would be an issue… I cant see any exercises changing things drastically.
He’s been open and honest with you, hes attentive with you. I dont really know what more you expect?
Its perfectly fine if you want/need more, you are just incompatable. I think you are excusing your stance on the matter with his lack of finding a solution.
I think the guy is just very aware that any solution is marginal and that instead he has to focus on you and accepting the reality.
Look up Kim Anami!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Leave him
Make him go for a 3rd or 4th round. Alcohol or SSRIs also work but in no way advising that. You may have to find other things u like
Maybe slow down before he finishes. Let him calm down a bit and try. Or tell him to yank one out before hand. 🖐️
Wow these comments. It’s not about being bad in bed or having poor self control. It’s a physical condition, of course men with this would change it if they could. It could be related to the pelvic floor or something. Either way it’s not his fault and he’s probably super self-conscious.
Things to try:
antidepressants-can make it hard to cum
Alcohol- this helped me have sex with a partner who had this problem. He lasted forever being really drunk.
Pelvic floor therapist- it’s for men too! Go over to the /r/pelvicfloor sub and they might have some help.
I was with a guy like this for a while. He was a great lover but yeah it does suck for all parties. Depends on how much you like him, I personally think the importance of getting railed is overblown and I would rather have an amazing man. But I say this as a woman who has sexual problems so I have a lot of sympathy for this type of thing I guess. Totally understand how important it is to you. It was to me at one time too.
Lasts a whole 30 seconds. Wooh, what a machine
That must be so frustrating for you ! And like you said it’s hardly worth having sex as you would get no satisfaction. I would have to address to situation maybe research some medication and mention to him you have found something that could help , otherwise this will eat away at you .