Don’t really want to go into a big story but just curious If this ever changes. Boyfriend has been single for years and We’ve been dating For over a Year now. I still think he’s not used to having me in his life. And sometimes I think he still hides secrets from me because he’s not used to have somebody or talk to someone about His problems. And I’m not sure what to do with that.
Any Advice? Does it change? Is it a trust thing?
Comments
After a year? That’s not just being private anymore, that’s being emotionally unavailable.
After a year? You gotta cut this guy loose and move on girl. He’s what we call“ emotionally unavailable”
It’s a red flag if he’s still closed off after a year. Love needs openness and you deserve more than guessing games.
I hate to say it, but if you’re a year in, I can’t help but wonder if you’re actually the primary or the secondary relationship. If you’re genuinely his only relationship, and he’s still not letting you in, that’s also a problem.
Yeah, it’s time to move. Further investment is no potential return. You’ll always be chasing something he’s not capable of giving.
You m I ght also examine yourself and your history for why you are attracted to emotionally unavailable males.
Lots of guys are private people. Me included. I don’t keep secrets but I like to keep to myself
You accept it or you move on. If he’s still closed off after a year he’s not going to change now. It doesn’t necessarily mean he’s lying or keeping secrets, he might just be a bit of a closed book with regard to his feelings. Not everyone is happy openly discussing every little thing that goes through their mind, or they just don’t know how to do that. If you feel like you need to be strong, or you need to protect yourself, you keep a lot in, even with the people you love the most.
Perhaps, perhaps, there is a reason that he’s guarded. Women here saying the obvious women things like cut him loose, but they have no problem saying talk to her (if the gender was reversed) so let me break it down. I’m a 41 yr old male, so I know a thing or two about being guarded.
Men are supposed to be strong, men are supposed to not show emotions or even have them for that matter.
Men are afraid of alot of things, but we put up the macho/tough guy act because of how people will perceive us. Mainly from men, but definitely women too. Men will call other men a bitch, pussy, crybaby, etc if he’s seems too soft or overly expresses how he feels, and here’s the kicker…women do it too!
I’ve been in numerous situations where I’ve shared some traumatic things I’ve had dealt with in my life, I thought I was “opening up” to women “who said they loved me” i was dealing with only for those same things to be used against me as ammo in a fight.
Men don’t overshare at all. If you ask us if we’re OK and we say yes, we most likely are ok…no need for further questions. We like our peace, and we also like not talking.
Not sure how old yall are, but have you had a discussion with him and let him know how you’re feeling?
I have a similar situation with the guy I’m currently in relationship with. When I enquired he said that he’s not used to sharing his problems with anyone and likes to deal with stuff alone. But sometimes I feel that it’s just with me.
Infact this makes me want to be emotionally distant too and affects our relationship negatively. When I feel intimacy isn’t reciprocated, I tend to become very transactional.
Could you give an example of how he seems closed off?
Im thinking from the perspective of a shy person (me). There are certain things I’m a bit shy about and my wife has zero boundaries with me so I tend to put up certain boundaries that make me comfortable. That being said, we are still very open with each other and talk about everything
Ahh I just had a bingo moment, this was my ex, I always felt like a roommate. He never helped with the kids, in fact I felt like a single mum until i WAS one. When he had a MC accident he told me very little, about the accident, about the treatment, about the physio.