My (23F) boyfriend (23M) and I have been together for six years. We live about three hours apart by train, so we don’t get to see each other often. We had been planning a weeklong trip together for months, something I was really looking forward to.
But yesterday, he told me that his dad got angry and now won’t allow him to go. My boyfriend still lives at home with his parents, who are very strict. They decide things like how long he can be out of the house, whether he can sleep over anywhere and basically every other part of his personal life.
I grew up very differently. My parents never tried to control me like that, so I just can’t wrap my head around it. It’s hard to understand how someone our age (an adult )can still be so limited by their parents’ rules.
Now my boyfriend is scared to go against his dad’s wishes because he doesn’t want to cause problems at home or make things harder for his mom. He’s probably going to cancel the trip, and I feel absolutely devastated.
He told me he’ll pay me back for everything, but honestly, that doesn’t fix anything. It’s not about the money ,it’s about how powerless and invisible I feel in this situation. All the effort, all the planning, and now all the sadness ,it feels like it just doesn’t matter, because in the end, his father’s anger has more weight than our relationship.
I love him, but I don’t know how to deal with this dynamic anymore. I feel stuck between understanding his position and wanting to scream because it feels so unfair. To be clear, I really don’t believe religion should have to be a reason to break up with him. We’ve been together for a long time, and just giving up isn’t something I want to do right now. He’s already looking for a place to live on his own, away from his parents. He’s also not really Muslim himself. he practices at home out of respect, but not outside of that.
I just want some thoughts on this situation. I know this is only the tip of the iceberg for a much bigger problem, but right now, I just feel sad, helpless, and unsure of what to do next.
tldr
My boyfriend (23M) still lives with his strict Muslim parents who control most aspects of his life. His dad just forbade him from going on a trip we planned together, and now he’s going to cancel. I feel powerless
Comments
Until he separates completely from his parents (likely to take several years – y’all could easily be 30 by the time he’s finally out), this will continue. You’re not obligated to continue to prioritize someone who is not giving you the same energy long-term; he could’ve used this as a catalyst to finally make the jump and deal with his folks for good, but the fact that he didn’t speaks volumes – he’s stringing you along.
Your BF needs to move out of his parents home and be an adult. Is there a reason you guys can’t find a place together?