My boyfriend is very nice and caring in many ways, but he’s also incredibly insecure and jealous — and that side of him makes our relationship really difficult. Because of his jealousy, he gives me a lot of grief. He doesn’t let me have male friends, talk to my male coworkers, or even go out with my girlfriends if their partners are around. Every time something triggers his jealousy, he throws almost a tantrum.
When this happens, I find myself babying him to calm him down — saying things like, “Babee, don’t get mad at me,” or “You know I only love you; that guy was just a last-minute invite.” I do this to avoid arguments and emotional blowups, but it feels exhausting and unfair.
The thing that disturbed me the most happened recently. I told him that a man groped me at a concert — a total stranger, non-consensual, and incredibly upsetting — and instead of comforting me, he blamed me. He went into extreme rage and said it was my fault, that I “asked for it” because of the way I dressed. I was in shock. I turned to him for support, and he responded with anger and accusations.
I still don’t understand how someone who says he loves me could react like that to something so violating and traumatic. I don’t know how to address his behavior, especially since it’s been escalating. I’m starting to feel like I’m walking on eggshells around someone who should be my safe space. What can I do to address his behaviour?
Comments
Massive red flag. Honestly would not date someone like this (again). My ex was very jealous too- becuase he was cheating and assumed I was also.
this is unhealthy behaviour. You deserve a healthy love, not one that eats you up. life is too short for eggshells.
you can’t fix him, he is broken
The proper way to address extreme jealous behavior is to leave the relationship before you get murdered.
You were sexually assaulted at a concert and your boyfriend blamed you. That is the most fucked up thing! He is not your soulmate. Fuck that guy!
He has progressed from jealous and insecure to outright controlling you. When you try to baby him and get back in his good graces, you are doing yourself such a disservice. He doesn’t deserve attention when he’s acting like a fool and you just shower him with extra love and attention. It’s not okay for him to treat you this way, and it’s not okay that you have to go to such great lengths to please him and soothe him.
just cuz someone’s half good, that doesn’t make them a good person. Cut that off before it gets worse. He can find a girl that’s willing to put up with that stuff, and you can find a person that fits with you better. If it doesn’t work, it’s not gonna no matter what.
Is this a fake post? I’ve read this word for word before lol
Stop it now ,, just imagine what it will be like in the future. You’ll be accused of lying and cheating in the future. And if I were you I’d do something right now before it gets any worse,, What caused this, was he in a bad relationship before and he’s still carrying this insecurity issues,into another relationship. Or If you truly want this relationship , I would just come out and talk to him about this ( and I myself would say 1St off …This is not easy on me whatsoever saying these things to you.because the way you get out of control & with that alone ,, what I’m about to tell you If you should do ( say the way he acts when he does this to him) I am not going to waste anymore of your time and anymore of mine. It’s not good for either one of us but if you act out in any way,I will walk whatever you do , and you’re completely done .Or he can act like a grown azz man . And treat you like a lady should be treated, this is going to push you away from him. Or honestly if you really want to be with him then go to therapy and if that doesn’t work. Honestly done you got the rest of your life in front of you and he wants to act out like that in public or wherever even if it wasn’t in public, that’s not healthy. You might hurt for a little while, but you’ll bounce back can you imagine if you just allowed this, then be in my eyes stupid on your behalf when you can stop it now before it gets any worse and if he acts up when you’re telling him I’d walk and I’d let him know if you act up I’m out grow up and put the big boy pants he must carry this ever from my past relationship or something that came from somewhere. How does it make you feel when he acts like that ? I’d go up one side of him and down the other with my Waze to let him know to get your point across. It’s gonna be like this this or this or it’s gonna be him by himself I know it’s easier said than done, but if you let him continue, what are you saying about yourself I saw the input on gonna say , your life, you know what you have to do if you’re coming in on a place and putting it out there is bothering it so nip it in the bud good luck this is coming from a woman that’s been with her husband since she was 18, I’m turning 60 married for 36 years been together for 42 we gotta be friendsfirst that is not a good foundation of a relationship. Good luck. I wish you well.
He’s been hurt bad. And he’s afraid of it happening again. I’ve been him before. He needs reassurance.
Leave and cheat on him or just leave. These kinda people need to face there insecurities. My gf confronted me about cheating so much one day I did it and told her. Play stupid games win stupid prizes. If they are jealous they don’t love you. Real love jealousy doesn’t exist. He’s just obssessed
Leave as soon as you possibly can. If you don’t, you will have no right to complain when he is beating you in the future.
There is nothing you can do. The sooner you realize this and move on, the better you will be.
Get away from him.
I don’t care how nice he is.
He blames you for some lech groping you?
Insane.
You can dump him and find one who’s “jealousy” isn’t expressed through tantrums.
What can you do, end the relationship and move on.
His response is unattractive and misogynistic. Women don’t “ask for it.” Red flag. Get out of this relationship. He needs help, but if it is a personality disorder, there may not be much that can be done.
This behaviour shows that he thinks he owns you, he has no respect for you, no trust in your judgement or autonomy. This will only get worse the longer it goes. You won’t recognize yourself you’ll change so much, and you’ll still never be isolated enough for his standards until he baby traps you and guilts you into giving up your career.
Your boyfriend clearly has mental problems and all his words about love are lies
I’ll join the many responses here telling you this is a huge red flag. Get out of this toxic relationship now while you still can.
Why would you want to be in this type of relationship?
This is not fulfilling, healthy or good in any way.
The insecurity and jealousy are HIS problems, and you’re not going to change them through communication.
You can’t change him, you can only protect yourself. What would you tell a friend in your shoes?
Girl leave him those tantrums are just going to get worse seriously it can turn from mental & verbal abuse on a dime.