This has to be really my last straw holding on to this relationship. My bf is an avoidant while i’m anxious. He goes cold/dry/silent/no-contact when I upset him. He asked me for a masturbation video, but I just don’t want to do that kind of thing. I tried diverting into other topics, but he no longer texted me back. I sent him good morning and gdnight texts, asked how he was and if he was still upset. But still, I was left on delivered. I really love him very very much I could do everything, but sometimes he just demands things that I can’t keep up with. He told me, “Who was I going to ask for a masturbation video?” I know what he truly meant by that, he only wanted to lust over me instead of other girls online. We almost broke up because he had a hidden album of naked girls he goons over to, some of it were even thirst traps of our classmates. I sent him sum stuff, which I also hesitated to send first but I trust him, he also sent me stuff (even though I’m not really into it like he is) and now he asked for a masturbation video but it just doesn’t sit right with me. So yeah, he pulled the no-contact shit and avoided me again for 2 days. I unsent all the messages I sent when I tried to reach him the past few days, because my ego was hurt, I see his active status yet he choose to ignore me. During the days he left me alone with my thoughts, I thought… This guy can’t just leave me when he wants to and come back when he wants to. I thought of ghosting him. But he recently just texted me silly good morning texts like nothing ever happened. I’m still conflicted about what to do, if I should let him experience no contact for good. But the thing is it’s all in my brain. My dumb heart really loves the guy. and thinking of all the fun memories we had together. We’ve been dating for a year and 3 months, and to think that it will all just go down the drain. I’m afraid to mess it up. I’m afraid I will regret it later because what if this is just another setback for us to conquer? What if after this we will js grow stronger? But then I’m also tired. I can’t vent to my close friends about it because it’s too personal and I might ruin his image if I really told the whole truth.
I hope people here on reddit can advice me on this one.
*Update* my heart won and I responded sarcastically with “wow hi”. He was active before this, he js suddenly went off. what.
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he clearly doesn’t respect your limits and your integrity
He’s emotionally abusing you. You are too young for this shit. Dump him.
Cut him off, like why are you still in contact and didn’t ghost him?
Get your photos deleted and then break up.
This isn’t working for you.
>This guy can’t just leave me when he wants to and come back when he wants to.
But he can (and does) because you let him. He can (and will) continue doing it as long as you continue allowing it. You can say “he can’t just XYZ,” but your words mean nothing if you’re not willing to take any action.
> What if after this we will grow stronger?
How and why would that happen? Relationships don’t magically grow stronger after one person has tolerated shit treatment for X number of months or years. They don’t magically grow stronger because you had some good times early on.
Relationships grow stronger when both people put in the work to deepen their bond and demonstrate love and respect in their everyday actions.
>To think it will all go down the drain.
That’s called the “sunk cost fallacy,” and I encourage you to Google it. A relationship isn’t a cup of flour that either becomes a cake or gets thrown “down the drain.”
Your time isn’t wasted just because a relationship doesn’t end in marriage or with one of you dying. You’ve experienced so much, learned so much about yourself, your needs and wants, what is possible, and what isn’t tolerable.
But you do waste your time and life if you hang around waiting for someone to magically transform into a totally different kind of boyfriend.
Relationships are built on communication. Everyone will tell you just to break it off, but if you really love this guy then you could set some expectations. you can tell him what needs to improve in order for the relationship to work. If he listens and puts in the work – worth staying. If not, cut your losses. Your so young to be overly worried about wasting time dating.
Serious red flags here, I would think carefully about the kind of man you want to have a future with and if he fits the bill. On a side note don’t send videos or pictures to anyone unless you are okay with them being shared (you never know)
You dont respond, you ghost him. He is not the one. Imagine a full relationship where if he doesn’t get something he gives you the silent treatment for 2 days. How much time do you think you will last before forcing yourself to have sex with him so you dont live a cold war ?
This is the beginning of your relationship history, treat yourself with love, respect and kindness, when a man shows you who he is, believe him.
You say he can’t leave you and come back when he wants, but thats exactly what you’re letting him do, there’s absolutely no way this is the first time.
If you’re deadset on staying with this guy, you need to talk to him, not just delete messages messages when he ignores you. Pick up the phone and have an actual conversation.
Personally I wouldn’t stay in that, his behaviour is manipulative and I wouldn’t trust he’s not out there looking for others. He’s not treating you how someone who loves you would.
My girlfriend wont even allow me a nude picture, and i dont do this kind of thing in spite, i just giggle and move on 🤣
It sounds like you two got close, had a good relationship, but are either growing apart, or have realised that you’re not quite as compatible as you had originally thought. Your heart’s not dumb, we all want to feel loved. But, it’s probably time to break it off – you sound like too decent a person to ghost him. Just call him.
Secondly, you shouldn’t spend days alone with your thoughts. That’s not good for anyone. A relationship is part of your life – not your whole life. There’s family, friends, your career, sports, hobbies, etc. A girlfriend/boyfriend is part of that life. Be careful it doesn’t become a romantic infatuation that pulls you down.
He’s gonna want more and more sketchy stuff as time goes on. Hold your ground! Good for you. You guys aren’t compatible. Ditch him and be patient until you find a mate who is on the same page.
Girl no, you’ve been manipulated into sending those pics in the first place by the pressure of the other pictures. Should only send them if it comes from you genuinely wanting to because either fun for you and you trust that person. Also dating an unhealed avoidant is going to damage yo, I promise. I wish I knew the concept of avoidantd at 18 before being in a relationship with one for 5 years, waste if my time and my mental health tbh
Envision building your life together. You live together in a house, marry/have kids maybe, and when you behave badly according to him he will punish you by not talking to you. In your house.
This controlling behavior is absolutely not acceptable.
As much as revenge porn is now a crime. You do understand that once something is on the www, it’s out there? “He said he would?”.
I will pretend you are my little sister and tell you tha not only is he a POS, you are far too young for this mess.
I am not sure how the law works but I would make sure we agreed that the pics stay with us. And another thing I jave noticed with men, they NEVER send you anything worth even threatening them with. So no more! And in future, the minute a guy asks for a pic of vid, block. I promise you. The day you meet your person, you will thank yourself. This is NOT it!
He’s emotionally abusing you. He’s a manipulator. You deserve better than this garbage treatment. This is sexual coercion.
Break up with this silent treatment using asshole who sees you as object and tries to manipulate you. He doesn’t respect, value or love you as a person.
I’d respond with “who is this?”
He is manipulating you hoping his silence would make you think he’s breaking up with you so you will give in. You need to get your photos deleted off of his phone. If he will not speak to you for two days over this, he would send your photos to his friends. I teach about dating abuse in high schools. Most boys do share their gf’s nude photos. Very few keep it to themselves. I hate to alarm you, but there’s an extremely high possibility he’s already shown your photos or shared them. A lot of boys also use the photos for blackmailing the female after a breakup. His behavior is giving off major red flags and I agree that you need to try to get your photos deleted from his phone and break up with him after. Do not send photos you wouldn’t want your grandma, the neighbors, or a bunch of strangers to see. There have been bf’s that put their gf’s photos on porn sites and shared them with complete strangers to get something in return. You said yourself he had photos of girls even some from your school. It’s possible he has some of his friend’s gf’s too that they sent him w/o the girl’s permission. This guy is not boyfriend material at this time. He was also probably asking other girls for videos or cheating. All the signs you are telling us are red flags for a relationship at this time. You need to understand that you have worth! Pinning after him and texting him too much shows him you’re willing that chase him. Once you do things like that, he will keep doing you wrong knowing you’ll chase and will lose interest in you. Put yourself and your morals first. I promise there’s guys out there that will respect you. This guy does not respect you.
He doesn’t want a relationship, he’s awol when it gets tough. DO NOT send photos!! Haven’t you young people learned ANYTHING with all the horror stories? The sooner you end it, the easier it’ll be. Dump him, he’s NOT going to change because you cave every time!