My bf and I have been together for almost 5 months which isn’t that long but I genuinely have never felt this way for any man before and I feel so incredibly in love with him. I move to university next weekend and then he is going to do farming in Australia for 3 months.
I can be a clingy person towards him anyways but since I found out he was going to Australia everything has kinda ramped up, I want to spend lots of quality time with him (even if we aren’t talking) whether that’s in person or on the phone. He currently doesn’t have a job (because of going to Australia) so he has loads of free time and so do I.
When we first started talking he would ALWAYS text me so much and would say he misses me when I don’t text back etc (even when he had is job with long hours), and we would video call literally every night even if we didn’t speak to each other. This is something I really loved because in my previous relationship my ex would never spend time with me. But as we have gotten more comfortable he has slowed down the texting, calling and visiting my house (he’s about 20 mins away from me). This is fine because I understand life gets busy and people get comfortable in relationships, but I’m still in the stage where I want to talk and spend so much time with him, whereas he isn’t anymore:( Tbf I think quality time is my love language.
The thing that makes me upset is that he isn’t working right now and all he does is play video games (which is fine), but that means he can still call me but he chooses not too.
Last night I told him I’m upset he doesn’t want to talk to me as much and he said it was unfair for me to say that as he just likes spending time by himself and needs alone time as we have spent the past whole month together (we have lived in eachothers houses every now and then for a few weeks). I completely get where he’s coming from because I used to be in his position in previous relationships where I felt like I could be in my own space, but he called me too clingy and too high maintenance and it really upset me:(
I’ve told him I’ll give him space but even thinking about that really really hurts my heart and makes me wanna cry, I want to share about my day with him and hear all about his but I understand he needs space.
I used to be so independent so idk how I’ve become so clingy. How do I stop it? How do I stop thinking about him 24/7 and being clingy? I want to change myself for him because I really don’t want to scare him away 🙁
TL;DR my bf told me that I’m too high maintenance and clingy and I want to change myself so I don’t push him away. But I’m only clingy because he’s going to Australia for three months.
Comments
You find a hobby. You get friends.
Have you talked this over with your friends?
>>I’m only clingy because he’s going to Australia for three months.
That sounds hard but how are you going to deal with that? With time zones you might not be able to talk to him very much.
Tbf, you do sound a little clingy. You should reign it in a little bit. It sounds like he was in the honeymoon period at the start, and now this is more like the real him. If you pressure him a lot for more attention, it might push him away, and he’ll get fed up. If he’s still spending time with you, replying to your messages, etc., I don’t see what the problem is, unless he’s gone really cold.
Like others have said, get a hobby, go to the gym, spend time with friends. Something I hear people say a lot is that they like someone who has their own activities to do (self-sufficient). It will ease your anxiety, and make him not feel suffocated.