using a burner account since i’m nervous.
i’m f20 for context. my bf, m24, has been wanting to have a threesome for a while now. he’s wanting to have another girl join us, so FFM. the thing is, i’m not happy with this, and despite knowing this, he still insists. it’s making me feel insecure, and makes me overthink that i’m not good enough for him anymore. he keeps saying he wants a blonde girl with blue eyes as well, when i’m the opposite (dark hair and hazel eyes).
its been annoying me, so i jokingly said if he wanted that, then why couldn’t i have a FMM, to see how he’d feel in this situation. this caused him to absolutely lose his shit, lash out at me and say things such as “you’re mine” and “you belong to me” and that he wouldn’t share me with another guy.
i don’t know what to do, as i’m worried he might go and cheat on me if i don’t give in to his desires. i love him, and we’ve been together for almost 2 years now, but i don’t know what to do really, as it’s taking a toll on me.
Comments
What area of the world is this?
He wants to cheat on you but can’t actually bring himself to do it so this is his way of getting permission. If he’s not willing to bring in another man then you shouldn’t be expected to allow another women. Big huge red flag for your relationship
>i don’t know what to do, as i’m worried he might go and cheat on me if i don’t give in to his desires.
9 times out of 10 if a person suggests a threesome they already have the third person picked out and hoping you will say yes. There is already a good chance they they are currently fucking. There is a good chance your BF is having sex with a blonde haired blue eyed woman.
Your boyfriend has no idea what he’s getting into.
There’s a reason these things are called “fantasies.“
I would respectfully submit that if you’re worried that he might cheat on you if you don’t agree to this ridiculous idea, then he might not be worth sticking around for in the first place.
If I were you, I would tell him no. And that would be the end of the discussion.
Then just observe his behavior carefully.
You’re entitled to be treated with dignity and respect.
As I tell my own daughter, never, ever do something that you are uncomfortable with. Regardless of the relationship.
He shouldn’t be pressuring you into something you’ve already stated you’re uncomfortable with. And the fact that he freaked when you mentioned FMM goes to show that this would be solely about him and not for the relationship. His intentions are selfish and it seems like he doesn’t care about your feelings at all. Two years isn’t really too much time as young as you are.. I’d be considering my options if I were you.
You love him, but if he suggests this and doesn’t listen to you despite him knowing you’re not happy with the idea of a threesome, does he love YOU? I say best choice is to break up, eventually, you’ll get over it. It must be hard but this isn’t a man you should be with, he can go do whatever he wants with the blonde blue eyed girl, but you go focus on yourself!
“i’m worried he might go and cheat on me if i don’t give in to his desires.”
Yeah, god forbid you lose this perfect man.
Tell him you are game – if another dude joins you first
run…quickly…run…far…run…now
It’s perfectly okay to dump him for this.
Why keep a boyfriend who makes you unhappy? The whole point of relationships is to be happier!
Good job! If suggesting a FMM will make them lose it you’ve successfully and effectively identified someone with a lack of empathy and reasoning skills. Keep your pants on and get outta there!
Seriously tho? No sexual partner has the right to make you do something which you don’t consent to. He can’t make you consent or make you feel even remotely comfortable by continuing to project this fantasy onto you.
He’s making his living, breathing partner sad by being overly loyal to a fantasy. Priorities messed up.
Well. You are enough.
Dump him
You have enough advice here. You already know what to do. But just in case you need even more, just think of it as your best friend or your sister telling you the story about her and her boyfriend. Whatever your reaction is, is exactly how it should be with you. Don’t sell yourself short. He doesn’t think you’re enough so needs another woman to make him happy. He’s probably doing that so he won’t go out there and cheat because if he brings you into it, he feels better about him being with another woman. So there you go.
There’s a strong boundary here for you.
Boundaries aren’t there for other people to follow, they’re there for you to know when to take decisive action to cut away people who can’t appreciate and respect your boundaries.
If they are lower level boundaries then maybe you can trust again and recover from someone overstepping. But if they are big ones it’s less likely that this can happen in a way that’s healthy for the relationship.
You told him no, and he said he doesn’t care.
Tell him that you will not tolerate or accept him sleeping with anyone except you, and if he does, that’s his choice, but it will result in a termination of the relationship, and he will be dead to you.
He won’t be happy to hear that, but 🤷♂️ tough coconuts.
I think it’s time to part ways from his reaction to you suggesting a threesome with MMF.
Tell him that he can have his after you have one, or that no that’s not your cup of tea and he can find two girls if he needs them together. Since he’s being such a dick about MMF, I think you have your answer. This is not going to get better, he’s going to talk you into things that make you very miserable.
Who is this fucking cave man? Sound like the opposite of what you’d want, or that your parents would want for you! Dump him!
Don’t do it. NEVER let someone guilt you or bully you into performing a sexual act. Cut him. Three-somes don’t usually end well.
W
“He still insists”
Time to walk
That’s disgusting leave him right now!!!!!
He’s not ready for a serious relationship if he’s pushing for FFM. He may want a blond but what he really wants is the experience of two women at the same time. Why didn’t he just ask for a hall pass to have sex with a blond? So…why do you have to be there? He is indicating that you’re not enough for him and he wants to sow more wild oats. You may be 2 years into this relationship but your relationship just might have reached the end. This is YOUR life. Don’t agree to be his second best option. That’s a big red flag. You’re 20 years old. There are other guys out there who would see you as the best thing in their lives. That’s how you need to see yourself. Your BF has made his choice and is taking you for granted. Big mistake. Huge. It’s time to move on.
Tell him you want to do it with another guy. Watch how fast he freaks tf out.
Dump him! Who would want an asshole like that? He does not respect you or value you.
Girl, leave.
Simple
Leave that man!
Everyone I know who’s open are open because they’re both a willing participant and they never sleep with people they know
(Gets messy)
2 couples I’ve known be open because one partner wanted too have ended up with bad blood, cheating, lying etc
If one’s assuming and the other not it’s not been a conversation you’ve had to okay it, there’s clearly someone he’s got in mind and that more than likely ends up getting an emotional connection
You can’t be open if only one person wants too it’s wrong
If he doesn’t respect that he doesn’t respect you and it’s only a matter of time before he goes out and does it without you knowing, that’s if it’s not already happened
Sorry to be a bad newer! Save yourself now before you’re too invested as once you say yes it’s hard for you to stop it happening all the time!!
Tell him its a deal as long as he agrees to a MMF. Real sure way to either shut him up, or engage in some fun.
Flip the script, tell him 2 guys is hot.
Fair is fair, if he’s not willingly to do full swap with another couple then he’s a puny little boi
LEAVE…..LEAVE….. LEAVE….
Doing something sexually you don’t want to do in the hopes it will make someone else happy is generally a bad idea. You will most likely resent both him and the experience.
I am all for sexual experimentation and trying things you’re curious about. As I’ve gotten older I have found there to be great truth in the saying, in life we usually regret the things we don’t do.
But, that only applies to the things you want to do. If you’re not interested in a threesome, or it causes you insecurity, or you’re really not into watching your boyfriend have sex with another girl in front of you, then it’s not for you. Don’t do it.
If he doesn’t care about the fact that it’s hurting your feelings you might consider that he is not the right guy for you or that maybe this isn’t the right relationship for you right now.
Go find two dudes and let them know you want to get even with your soon to be EX and have them meet up with you and then approach him and say hey you got me thinking I really love you and I know you wanted FMF but I got these two guys here and we want to have a foursome MFMM if your down for this I’ll be down for your desire. If not we and it now and I go enjoy these two Guys and we part ways. Actually even better just hire to moving guys and let them be in in it and just have them help you pack his stuff or yours and move on literally!
Leeeeeeeaaaave
Tell him to stop bringing it up or he’ll be spending the rest of his nights watching threesomes alone on PornHub with tears in his toastie and one sock on 😂💦 And if that doesn’t work, cuck him so hard his ego needs crutches to get out of bed 💔🛌 Let him know the only thing getting shared round here is his dignity, and even that’s on borrowed time 🤡🔁💨
Do not ever do anything you don’t want to do, just out of fear you will lose someone. Better to lose them than to degrade yourself and still lose them bc they will never be satisfied.
He has shown you he wants other women without allowing you other men. This is an absolute non-starter. He just wants to cheat.
The way he reacted when you suggested the opposite type of threesome tells me everything I need to know. I think you can find someone who values monogamy if that’s what you’re comfortable with. Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with just to please this man.
Dump him. You’re not owned by anyone except yourself. If you want 2 D’s, then have your 2 D’s. This isn’t just for him. He plays, then you play. 2-way street. If you really don’t want it, then he can go find his blonde hair, blue eye GF.
Dark hair, hazel eyes = 🔥
If a guy ask me for a threesome, he better be prepared to suck some 🍆
no is a full sentence.
Tell him you are interested in have a threesome with his friend Tom. Then duck out and leave him with Tom.
You need to dump him. He wants other women but not for you to have other men. He thinks you are a possession.
You can, but i can’t!
Something wrong there!!
Only if you can have MFM threesome first
just know that none of this is anything to do with you, your beauty or kindness. he sounds like a selfish manchild, and you sound way too good for him. from girl to girl, it will be hard and hurt at first, but trust me, leaving him will be better in the long run. surround yourself with people who actually care and love you, such as friends and family.
also the fact you’re younger than him and he seems to manipulate and control you just doesn’t sit right with me. you’re much better than this, and i know you’ll find the right man who will love and respect you one day. stay strong girl, and remember, you’re beautiful and loved <3
never ever do anything u r not fine with .. ur bf is so pushy .. and is a red flag .. he need to be patient till u ready without pressure
Hey, so I’m also a 24M and my girlfriend is 21F. While the “fantasy” of having another girl involved seems like a dream a lot of men have in their younger days, it’s simply that a fantasy. My girlfriend and I have mentioned how we feel about MMF and FFM, to which we both agreed we’d never be okay with as we’re both happy with each other and don’t want to see the other person being “shared” as well as “Well if I don’t want to see them being shared, they probably don’t wanna see me being shared” it’s only right you know? The way hes handled it is very immature, and a red flag. I wouldn’t say he has a specific “partner” in mind but he definitely has a type in mind which like you said is your opposite. I’d say to talk to him and address your concerns and how you feel and ask him not to mention it again, and if he can’t accept this Id leave the relationship completely. You deserve much better than to feel unwanted.
Everyone else makes great observations and gives the best advice. I wanna chime in to say what most often happens in this situation. He does not know what he’s asking for.
More frequently than you would imagine, the two women end up enjoying each other more and the man feels pushed out because you girls don’t even notice he’s there anymore. It’s not as hot as they thought it would be and they maybe get jealous. Insecurity rises.
You are absolutely mortified because he pretty much focuses on the other woman the whole time and you watch him fuck her in a way he doesn’t fuck you. The look on his face will be disturbing.
You guys actually share another person together and enjoy it and realize you like this lifestyle. This is very rare, and usually only happens when two people already know they don’t jive with traditional monogamy.
There are other possible outcomes but these are the most frequent anecdotes you’ll hear.
Perhaps he should visit a swinger’s club. He will find what he’s seeking there . Let him go without you .
His insistence on the threesome with an extra female could be his desire to be with different women. It sounds line a good opportunity for you to move on. Besides you’re so young . It takes much comfort with your own sexuality to participate in these e counters . I didn’t try it until I was divorced and 55 years old .
It’s. Sign of sexual incompatibility . I’m sure you’re a terrific woman and dan find a man who will respect your wishes .
I and my husband are swingers, so we’ve done this arrangement before, but only when both of us are on the same page. Only with the express permission of the other and the third person (we’ve done MMF and FFM). Once everyone consents, we do it. If I decide I don’t want a third person, or hubby doesn’t, it doesn’t proceed. When it comes to sex everyone has to feel safe and not be pressured into anything they don’t want to do.
If there’s no agreement between you and your BF, don’t do it. Consent is paramount and I get the impression your feelings and sexual ambitions are being ignored (if you do indeed want a MMF). There is a strong double standard between him and you and it’s not healthy.
If I were you, I would not pursue this relationship further as you are not respected by your partner, and your feelings are not being heard. You are just an object and part of some sexual fantasy your BF has. For your safety, peace of mind, and sexual freedom, leave him.
> i jokingly said if he wanted that, then why couldn’t i have a FMM, to see how he’d feel in this situation. this caused him to absolutely lose his shit, lash out at me and say things such as “you’re mine” and “you belong to me” and that he wouldn’t share me with another guy.
Girl, run. Run hard and far and fast.
There is nothing redemable about this one. Ick.
Walk away, ghost him. He’s bad news
Man, I’d never want another person to enter the bedroom with my wife and I. If I wasn’t married and this was just for fun, a NSA type of deal, sure. But there is ALWAYS strings attached if you’re in a real relationship. On the other hand, y’all are not married so maybe he’s just looking to get a pass to bang someone else with less guilt before locking in on marriage?
Someday people will realize that sex is only so important in a relationship. If you and your partner were enough for each other he wouldn’t be asking this.
If you said no and he insist, do the mfm, if you want. then just leave him. He does not need to pressure you.
Leave that piece of trash
You have your answer already. Women are weak. I don’t feel bad for women like you who get pregnant by assholes. Go ahead and ignore the red flags. lol
Tell him that you love the idea, and you are going to pick the GUY. See how he responds to that.
when did this sub turn into advice-circlejerk?
That you belong to me thing was so cute when I heard it in my head but lol the contradiction is CRAAAAZY. But tbh this sounds like a bait post. This is only because of the fact that you suggest your bf said he wanted blonde girl and blue eyes… as if you can just go to the store and find a girl to join you in your threesome. Organizing for a threesome is hard asf. Best place to look is online and even then usually it’s wife swap stuff because why would an individual girl want to just join In a threesome? Usually this only works if you have a friend who doesn’t have a partner and would like to join you. But I mean idk. I never even got the kink aspects of two girls at once… unlike being gay or being female a guy only has his penis. What difference would a threesome make vs just doing both girls individually? Unless he expects you to kiss the other girl..?
This is a tale as old as time, guys who want a threesome just as an excuse to sleep with another girl. Do not bend your boundaries, if he was really open to exploring different things sexually like a threesome, he wouldn’t have snapped at you for bringing up a FMM threesome.
From experience I would not waste your time on a guy like this.
NO. JUST NO. This man does not love you, he wants to justify cheating on you and is gaslighting you into thinking you’re relationship is in jeopardy if you don’t go against your own wants to meet his WISHES. DO NOT DO THIS. He’s a shitty boyfriend and you deserve so so much better. RUN.
If you’re not comfortable with it, don’t do it. It’s that simple. I’ve had four threesomes and only one didn’t permanently damage and/or destroy relationships on all levels. Feelings and shit are weird.
Of course, mileage varies.
Again. If you aren’t comfy, don’t do it…no matter how much you’re pressured.