Basically the title. My bf and I have been dating for 3 years. 2 months into our relationship I got pregnant. The relationship was extremely new, I was making 500/month as a paid intern in an extremely expensive state. He didn’t have a great job either- neither of us could support a child. After a lot of consideration I got an abortion at 5 weeks. While going through it he called me a baby murderer in anger. Apologized profusely the day after so I decided to stay. However- current day, many times when we argue he says I killed our baby. Before I got pregnant he was pro-choice and now is avidly pro-life. Idk what to do anymore. I told him that is not okay to say to me, in the past he’s apologized for saying these things but won’t stop doing them… thanks for letting me rant.
UPDATE: I want to thank you all for the reality check. I reached out to a trusted friend and she echoed everything you all have said. She, along with family will be my support when I get home. I booked a POD to move back to my home state this Saturday 4/19 (I work full time so this was the first I could move out). Leaving for good & getting some intense therapy as soon as I’m home to help me solve why I accept less than I deserve in relationships. Thank you all so much again 🤍
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I’m only concerned about why you are still with him. He’s always going to have this deep-seated feeling and you’re putting yourself in position. Do you have to deal with it for the rest of your life.
not his choice, period, and what a GARBAGE thing to say to you. ABSOLUTELY NOT. choosing that is hard enough. enduring it is hard enough. he can shut his mouth to you and find a therapist to work out his feelings around that…big red flag though, BIG. would you trust him to have your back? i wouldn’t. that’s not love.
It’s NOT okay for him to say those things to you!
it’s called pro life
*ex-boyfriend
I’m sorry to say that this relationship is over. The minute he said you murdered his child was your time walk away. Every argument you have from now on he will bring it up and he will never let you forget about it.
This will not improve. You cannot fix or change him. He is not a safe person and you need to leave this relationship ASAP. It will only get worse and harder to leave the more time you stay.
He’s told you who he is. And he’ll keep doing it. He has no respect for your bodily autonomy. He’s not pro life, he’s pro forced birth.
And you didn’t leave the first time he pulled that shit?
Moreover, you continued to stay after he continued to escalate?
Please, for the love of god, have some self-respect and end this relationship. It is DEEPLY toxic and almost certainly unsafe for you to stay.
I use a dark humor to cope with my abortion 💀 it’s tough but please come up with a plan if need be & break up.
He’s not sorry if he keeps doing it. Work on leaving and work on why you have trouble leaving relationships especially bad ones because girl… I’m worried about you.
If this was three years ago, he’s not going to stop. Unless you want to keep being called that for years to come, get out of this relationship. He’s clearly never going to let go of this.
This is an abuser. He found something that you may feel guilty or shameful or wrong for, or wider society sees it as shameful and he chooses to use it against you again and again during arguments, then it’s abuse. If he’s genuinely hurt over this then he needs counseling to deal with it in a healthy way. Not to badger you and hurt you when it suits him. In many ways it’s wrong and immature. It may escalate over time. You need to leave him. Even if he’s genuinely hurt it’s a wound within the relationship that will only grow into more and more resentment if it’s not dealt with in a healthy, mature manner.
Your boyfriend is trash. He’s never going to get better. Anytime he’s mad at you he’s going to throw this in your face. No doubt if you’d kept the baby he would be off living his life and having left you with all the responsibilities. Leave him and free yourself from this man child.
You should be saying ex boyfriend. You don’t deserve to be punished because you chose yourself in a tough situation.
He can go and make a baby with someone else and live in poverty while you go onward to better, healthier things
Sometimes we believe we deserve to suffer so we allow others to treat us badly. You do not deserve this. Read that again and again until you believe it. Then kick this man child to the curb. If he wanted to he could have gotten a better job and made you feel secure but at the end of the day, bringing a child into an unstable situation is far worse than having an abortion now so you can give your future kids (if you decide to have them) and YOURSELF the best life possible. He doesn’t sound like he is able to do that.
Your beliefs do not align and this won’t change in the future. It’s better to let go now than wait and it be harder to let go.
You did what you felt was right and if anyone has a problem with that then that’s their problem. It is your body and it is always your choice. He’s probably projecting how he feels onto you but, that’s not okay. You need support and healing right now. Not whatever he is doing.
You may find better support in the sub /abortion, check it out. I hope things get better, OP.
He’s right, you’re not compatible though. We can’t all agree you know
He is going to say this for the next 60 years till you stay with him..
When he apologised for saying it the first time, you should have sent him to gfh. Somehow you endured 3 years of a relationship with this moron. Girl, really?
What about self respect?
Your body, his choice? You really want to live with that?
The right to abort and the reality of doing it are 2 different things. He’s probably having a hard time reconciling the two. Perhaps you could go to counseling together. But if he’s not willing to work on it, get out. It will come out every time he’s angry with you.
It’s not ok yes you need to leave
One of my exes did this. Then was shocked pikachu face and begging once I dumped him bc I was tired of still dealing with his shit a month later.
You don’t need to put up with this. He’s immature. You made the decision that was best for you (and most likely him as well). Don’t waste time with this child of a man.
Feel free to rant as much as you need to. Sometimes we have to make very difficult choices in our lifetime. My heart goes out to you. We don’t have crystal balls. We don’t always have all the answers. I’ve been on this earth over 7 decades and I realize that we just do the best we can at the time. Your boyfriend is a piece of work! How terrible he is to you! In my opinion he really can’t love you and continue to hurt you in this way. Please don’t stay with this man child. I’m surprised that you would continue to put yourself through this for 3 years with him. We women must realize our self worth. It’s obvious this moron does not realize yours. 🫶
Why are you with this abusive AH?
What to think time to tell him bye. If he asked why tell him he murdered your relationship
What a shitty thing to say to someone. I know it’s hard, but please have some self-respect and leave this man. Your beliefs don’t align whatsoever, you guys will probably resent each other (at least, he will), and he is not going to let this go.
Start preparing to leave because this is going to be forever. If you actually have children he will tell them mummy murdered your sibling.
I assume he was involved in the decision discussion? If he was he was an accomplice to murder.
Get away from this hurtful person.
This sounds like something deep and not going to go away.
You obviously made the right choice and now it’s time for you to make another hard choice and leave him.
Do not get stuck with this cruel man.
I’ve been there. Not specifically but the playing dirty, below the belt, hateful followed by “sorry” followed by hateful again… I’m a mother and a Christian and this is NOT a pro-life/pro-choice issue. This is someone that is supposed to love you, protect you, and build you up, choosing, CHOOSING to hurt you. CHOOSING to go for the weak spot. We all say things out of anger. But apologies stop carrying any weight when they are repeated. If he was truly appalled and embarrassed and sorry for saying it you can believe that it would never ever come out of his mouth again. But it has. Repeatedly. When somebody tries to make you feel bad about yourself and calls it love, you can bet that they’re hoping you’ll believe it and dwell on it and not have the time to see them for who they are. See it. The longer you’re with the wrong one, the less time you have with the right one.
5 weeks?? that’s literally the earliest they can do an abortion (source: the one i got at 5 weeks) it wasn’t even close to being more than a cell much less a fetus. Men like him want to have kids they don’t want to RAISE kids. Please for the love of all things holy dump that man in the garbage.
If it’s any consolation, you made the right choice… Now you just need to remove him too!
Oh god no. wtf
Get out of this relationship. This is a huge red flag.
If he was genuinely sorry he wouldn’t keep saying these things. He would be making an effort to not say such things, and to work through his feelings about the abortion.
3 years is plenty of time to do that, but he hasn’t, which means he won’t.
Every time he apologizes to you he’s lying. He’s not sorry. He just feels guilty for his behaviour bc deep down he knows it’s wrong, but apologizing makes him feel better. He’s not apologizing for your benefit, or because he wants to change. He’s apologizing solely to benefit himself. If he wanted to change he would have by now. He doesn’t want to.
Free yourself from him, and from feeling bad about the choice you made. Imagine having a child with this man. Imagine him doing the same thing to a child that he’s doing to you. Sounds like not having a kid with him was the right choice.
If he apologized for saying that. And actively is pro choice. Then holding it against you is a mean streak. And he has the reliability of a wind vane.
He may do so out of anger or emotion, but it’s completely unjustified. If he ever says it again, call him out on it telling him to stop holding it against you. If he ever brings it up again, cut him off. You need someone who can make up their mind and see reason.
Ew imagine you’d had a baby with that man
He is awful. Your story is proof that men will repeat bad behaviour. He will do it again. His apologies meant nothing, made only to make you stay.
Hate to say it, but dump him. Kick him to the curb. How fucking dare he??? He will not change and he will continue to do this. He’s proving that.!Is this really the kind of guy you’re gonna want for the rest of your life?
I just wanna say I’m glad that I read your update and I’m so happy you’re getting out. You absolutely do not want to stay with this misogynistic manchild that is going to throw this in your face for the rest of your relationship. Get out, work on healing yourself, and have an amazing life.
You need to respect yourself and leave. He clearly doesn’t respect you.
He will NEVER let this go. And had you kept the baby? He would have accused you of baby trapping him. You can’t win with a guy like this
Please leave
Proud of your update, OP. Sending you strength on your new journey and healing vibes too.. it’s gonna be hard but it’s also gonna be okay ❤️ make sure you love yourself first before jumping into anything new with someone else and you’ll be just fine!
Anti-abortion and women’s sovereignty. Not pro-life.
Leave. Right now. Leave.
I know I’m late to the party and you’ve taken to heart everything that’s been said here but I want to share something.
My husband and I have been together 15 years. 2 years into our relationship I got pregnant. I had an abortion because frankly, we just were not ready. I didn’t tell him beforehand bc I didn’t want to risk being talked out of it. The day after, when he came over to hang out and saw me kind of spacing (I kept thinking of did I make the right choices) he asked me about what was bugging me. I told him. He apologized immediately for making me feel he’d talk me out of it. That even if he’d been told before, at the end of the day, I got to make the choice. He did everything that day that he should have.
Thats what you deserved. Not 3 years of what he’s done to you. I hope that you are able to move onward and live a life that you deserve without ever truly thinking of him again, OP.
Sorry to say that. But women really need to bear in mind that we are the only person in charge for the baby. So if we dun want to give birth, the sperm donor has no right to be THAT upset. If he is not happy later, he can always run away. Not you.