hi everyone, i just need advice on a ongoing situation. i (20f) have been with my bf (26m) officially for around 3 months. when i had met him, he had just moved to the area. i had no clue that he had just gotten out of a relationship, and boy does this man have baggage. he has 3 kids, a angry baby momma (who hates even the slightest mention of females around her baby daddy). he also is a serial cheater (didn’t find out until later) and he came to me a few days ago saying he didn’t want to be in a relationship. i was shocked, because ive been paying his rent, paying for his food, phone bill, everything. he has been dependent on me (and really expensive). i ruined my relationship with my family for this man, and now he’s sitting here across from me telling me he doesn’t want me. he wants to “focus on himself” but told me in all honestly he just wants to live freely and take girls home from the bar and not feel bad. he proposed a open relationship, because he doesn’t want to lose me, however wants the freedom of being single.
i have given this man everything i have. all my savings (yes i know im young and dumb) and it absolutely shatters me he would want to be with other women and ask me to stick around because he wants me. what would you do in my situation? i fear that it’s not going to last, but i have no where else to go. any advice would be great.
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Good god kick him out if you’ve been paying for everything. You can def afford to get your own place if you’ve been financially supporting both of you guys and he can figure the rest out. He clearly wants to sleep around but doesn’t wanna lose his bank account (you)
I’d leave. I’m a monogamist. That kind of thing doesn’t align with my values.
…. You gave him your savings?
You need to leave.
an open relationship means he wants permission to cheat or he already is. dont feel pressured to accept an open relationship love.
You cant turn back time and redo what you or he did. Forget about him, learn and move on .
You’ll notice how good things and opportunities naturally flow into your life when you get rid of negativity. Dont let this control you, your mood!
Money is the value we give it. You give yourself value, you get paid
Rooting for you, things always get better:)
So.. what you need to do is drop him like a bad habit. Yesterday. Dude is worthless and doesn’t deserve the TP you wipe with.
Reddit obligatory Break upppp please
Hi 💕 I bet your family loves you and if you need help with this situation they will help you. You’re still so young and you will meet many amazing people. Get rid of this man and never pay for anything again. He is using you as you provide for Everything. You are worthy of being truly loved. You still have so much time to meet the love of your life.
protect your resources immediately and make a plan to leave. He’s showing you through his actions that your well-being and trust are not his priority
This is the beginning steps to an awful relationship. This is the slippery slope they warn you about. He isn’t worth it, he doesn’t love you for you, you are about to waste your life.
He doesn’t want to be with you, he is offering to keep you around. That isn’t the same thing.
The only smart move is get the hell out of there. It’s better to have an uncomfortable conversation with your family than to waste years on someone and go back to your family anyway. Fix your family shit, that dude isn’t worth it, they were right(look at all the baggage you weren’t told about, someone worth it would have told you)
He wants to cheat with your permission
Because of your age he is 100% taking advantage of everything especially you. Do yourself a favor and leave him. Do not agree to the open relationship. Stop paying for him. You are burning yourself out financially , emotionally and physically for someone who does not want you. I know its hurtful to hear that especially from him but he is only looking out for himself. In so many words he is telling you how he views you and what he is expecting from you.
Your to young to be getting yourself locked in with this man. He’s a leech.
Oh my gosh, girl, I’m so sorry you’re going through this mess! 😭 This guy sounds like a total trainwreck 3 kids, a baby mama drama, and a cheating past? And now he wants an open relationship after you’ve poured your heart (and savings!) into him? That’s a huge red flag! 🚩 I’d say cut your losses and run your family’s worth more than this, and you deserve someone who’s all in, not juggling other girls from the bar! 💔
Also dude theres “young and dumb” and then theres give a dude your savings, figure it out girl , until then you’re a target for people who use people. Good luck forreal I hope the best for you
Open relationship means you only cannot satisfy him. In reality second term of open relationship for me is disrespectful asf and you have no self respect, open relationships will never last because he will find someone he likes more than u eventually from having the opportunity within this open relationship. You are playing with feelings at this point from through out time it have always taken two partners to build a strong and deep connection towards it being healthy. 3rd reason why open relationships are bad, there will be favouritism which ever partner your boyfriend finds more attractive more affectionate more understanding. He will lean to that person more,
I have only seen open relationships more strongly in marriage after being together for 30+ years and that is acceptable for various amount of reasons. But 3 months in that is way to soon. I genuinely understand why people like open relationship it’s due because some of us like more than one persons attention but they still like the attention the one main person gives. But it is a like a high where getting new attention makes them feel more fulfilled which is weird.
But this is wat open relationships is all about, if your on the same page as him then it could possibilities work out. But i def feel down the road either one of u will find someone u like more in ur open relationships and leave one another.
ew yeah he’s past the point of saving. i believe that a lot of people can be redeemed for things they have done, but if he’s a known serial cheater? and wants an open relationship? yeah no drop his ass ASAP, and find someone who will actually put time and effort into you. you deserve a love where your partner cherishes you!!
You can’t have your cake and eat it.
Just leave and save your money and yourself, You’re too young to be introduced to this kind of relationships .
He does not want you. He wants your money.
What are you still waiting for? Break up with him and go back to your family, say sorry to your family for being asshole by abandoning them for this useless junk. In your current situation family is your best support. Learn from this and don’t be stupid in the future to use your own money to support a guy. You are only 20 with long life ahead, don’t be stupid and make more mistakes by staying with him. Update us again and by then we expect you already break up with him.
He’s cheating. Dump him. Go back to your family
Two words, dump him. He’s not your boyfriend.
You don’t support someone that just needs you to fund them while they make you a possible cesspool of std.
You are in need of this thing called Self Love and act like a walking mat. Learn how to not be a sucker please or people are gonna do u dirty for the rest of your life
This is coming from a place of care, please start therapy immediately. There is something going on with you where you feel like you need to give all your money to a guy you’re not married to. You are young, so trying to deal with some of the issues you’re struggling with before it continues throughout your life is important. You also need to start educating yourself on red flags 🚩 before you get involved with users like this man. He only wants to keep it “open” because you’re paying for all his shit. If he was financially independent, he’d be gone.
Break up immediately and RUN. That freeloader is using you
He only wants you around to use you, and an open relationship has to be mutually consenting.
He’s disrespectful and is not your peace and refuge, so give all your goodness and energy to someone who deserves it, otherwise you will lose your identity and health. Don’t disrespect yourself by being with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. Your being used and your very good nature is being taken advantage of.
there are thousands of other people out there.
Ultimately it’s up to you but let him go before he destroys your life, and there is nothing left of you, he is disloyal also.
You deserve better.
I did that. Had an open relationship for years. We’re now very happily divorced.
It sounds like you and him don’t have the same idea of what this relationship would look like. There are plenty of ENM couples but the way that this particular dynamic was brought up is totally wrong and disrespectful to you. You deserve better than being put on hold while he plays around. Healthy ENM comes from a place of love and this ain’t it girl.
You’re intuition has already kicked in. I can tell by your post. You know this isn’t right. Don’t accept this for yourself. This relationship is still very young and if this is the direction things are heading, you don’t want it to be the rest of your life.
Honest questions..
Why do you not value yourself? Why do you want to be with someone who is using you for money? Are you so desperate that you will accept someone who obviously is using you.
Move on. Stop spending money on a deadbeat. Block his number. The number of kids with a bunch of baby mama’s should have been a clue, this guy is useless.
Babe, he doesn’t want you. He wants you to fund him and take care of him while he is with others. He literally wants to use you and that is all. Run.
Will Smith and Jada have that…. look at how that turned out. Open relationships are fake. You either commit or you dont. People gotta stop thinking they can be on the fence 😒 😂
You can do better.
There’s no way this story is real.
It’s time to RUN LIKE THE WIND GIRL! Call home and talk to your family, they will probably help you!
Dm me i’ve had something similar happened to me. I can explain what MIGHT happen
I have zero issue with an open relationship. I have a massive issue with being with someone for 12 weeks and giving him all you got! AND, that he’s prepared to let you do that.
This has got NO happy ending written all over it.
Look, he asked for what he wants and it conflicts with what you want. You don’t want an open relationship. Don’t compromise and don’t fit yourself into a relationship that isn’t really for you. Him being honest is great! You need to be too, and maybe just think about how to be honest in other ways first. Like- what do you want in your life in general? Do you want to have a little more money? Or career freedom? Do you want to move around or go explore to find a place to put down roots when you’re ready? Do you want more time with girlfriends? Start there and get yourself on a stream of thought that feels light/ONLY happy. Then apply that to sexual or relationship stuff. Like what feels good to you sexually? What are you interested in exploring? What in your relationship already makes you so happy? And what do you have room to do more of?
You might find you’re not incompatible as much as you’d rather just have him take YOU out 3 times a week because it’s important that you bond with him, are taken care of by him in a way that affords some fun and attention, etc. You might find the total opposite, that you’re actually wanting to be in your own energy in a bubble bath and you’re not that compatible because during sex you’re usually mentally distracted anyway.
Basically, he’s given you a weird gift not by wanting an open relationship but by being honest (maybe too brutally so; he could start with some honesty that doesn’t involve changing the terms of the relationship 😒) and weirdly by being selfish. It’s clunky but it gives a lot of opportunity for authenticity if you can breathe for a minute, think about it, and do what YOU want too!
Why are you with him? Please don’t tell me you are trying to fix him and provide for him to help heal him or something. For your own sanity, break up.
He doesn’t want an open relationship, he wants you as a sex slave and he wants to fuck others without commitment to anyone. He’s a POS good for nothing lowlife narcissist that deserves to be as far away from you as possible.
The man wants to be able to see a bunch of other women without losing his fund source. It sounds like that’s all he’s using you for. I’m so sorry he played you like this, but consider it an unpleasant learning experience about being careful about how much of your own resources and relationships you put on the line for somebody who hasn’t been around for very long. There are people like this man who will take advantage of anybody willing to pony up the cash.
Run as fast as you can from this loser you deserve better than this, good luck
please for the love of god run and never look back
You’re being used in every imaginable way, OP.
Under no circumstances to this, the only reason why people want to open up their relationship is so that they can cheat without guilt. And everyone that I’ve known as it’s done this has either broken up or gotten divorce no exceptions.
Just the fact that you’re here asking this question tells me that you do not want to do it and that you’re extremely hesitant of doing it and you have every right to be and I imagine he’s already had a person picked up that he wants to invite into your bedroom
And I will tell you again do not do this. I had a very good friend of mine who opened up his marriage as in couple swapping he said it was his biggest mistake and regret did he ever did he said at first it was fun new and exciting, but it also led to destruction of his marriage and the reason why is because his ex-wife had developed feeling for the other person Which caused a rift between the two of them and wound up getting divorced
If you do this, I am 100% sure what it will lead to is jealousy anger, and resentment, and will lead to the destruction of your relationship and I’m positive that you need to break up with him now and walk away because it’s something that he will not let go of
You need to tell him he can have all the threesomes he wants with anybody he wants, but you will not be in it in the relationship is over and that you are through and it is no longer any problem of yours because of your breaking up with him the other thing I would strongly suggest that you get an STD test to be on the safe side because I do believe that he has been in faithful with you.
And just the fact that he asked you this makes me highly suspicious of him, and as I said the only reason why he wants to open up your relationship is so he can cheat on you without feeling guilty about it, and I do believe that it will lead the destruction of the relationship. In fact, I honestly believe that that your relationship with him is over now because the very fact that he asked you to do this.
You deserve to be treated better. You deserve to be respected. You deserve somebody who only wants to be with you and nobody else and I will repeat it again. You need to seriously consider your relationship with him and break up with him and go your separate ways.
And as I said before, the reason why you’re out here asking this question is to confirm what your intuition is telling you and that is don’t do it and if necessary, which I highly recommend is that you should break up with him and walk away
This man does not have baggage. He has a freaking anchor around his neck not only is he irresponsible. The man is a freaking idiot. He has three children. He’s 26 years old. He’s not married to any other mothers. He’s had to borrow money from you to stay afloat. He’s a serial cheater. Do not walk away from this man, run and run as fast as you can. This man is a living nightmare. If you stay with him, he’s gonna drag you down too.
What a freaking LOSER, why would you even want to be with him? It’s only been 3 months, MOVE ON
Here’s some advice going forward:
If your you’re going to be gullible enough to get involved with someone 6 -10 yrs older than you without doing a thorough background check this could possibly happen to you again.
Do you really think he’s going to give you a gold star because of all the things you’ve done and sacrificed for him?
I’d say get out. You’ve dogged a huge bullet.
I’ll bet you’ll learn a lot about this guy by contacting his baby momma for sure
Dating should be a learning experience. If a guy is asking / hinting for financial help, dump him ASAP.
From now on anyone you get serious with you should have enough $$ to do a background check. The $$ that a background check costs WOULD be well spent I’m. Sure
Open relationship? Sleep with a few of his friends and then dump him. He won’t pull that shit with his next victim.
Use your common sense…. Wow.
This is just a lesson for you and a very valuable one. When you’re choosing the partner, you don’t just blindly pick 3 initial qualities and jump of the rock with no parachute. You need to make sure you’ll land safely.
If you pick someone with entirely different life experience than you (3 kids, no demonstrated history of commitment), because they lived it and you didn’t, it creates tremendous imbalance and falls apart. So you need to pick someone who’s same level as you – no baggage, steady income, wanting to build something long term without codependency. Without these, it’s just a fling. This guy will always equate relationships with baggage (he creates it and it’s defined as obligation, responsibility and commitment none of which he can carry out) and then asks someone new to take care of his baggage because he’s simply not capable. He wants to have fun without being accountable. He wants to keep you because it appeals his ego to have someone support him, but he doesn’t feel he owes you loyalty for that. You’re very lucky you don’t have kids with this man. He’ll forever be in debt and only wants to be with someone who’ll forever pay it for him. He’s doing to you EXcACTLY what he did to the baby mama before you – leaving her to take care of the kid, while he has fun with you. The moment you reject that, he’ll look for someone else who will fall in love head over heels just like you did, so that they blindly keep giving until they drain themselves. There is a strong codependency established here and that’s why the relationship won’t survive but you will, and as a result of it, will be much more selective when it comes to a partner.
Please leave this leach. He wants his cake and to eat it too. That is not reality.
Protect yourself and please go to counseling to find out why you attract these men and how to change yourself to believe in yourself more.
Good luck!
Also get a STD check!
girl no
I’d break up with out a second thought, and I’d have done so as soon as he brought up fucking other people.
You’ve only been together three months and he has a bunch of other red flags a wavin’.
Throw this one back. There are PLENTY of fish in the sea.
DUMP HIM ……. If you are paying for everything it will not take long to get back on your feet.
Did you think you were going to fix him?
STOP dating hobosexuals. There is no reason any woman should be paying for a man’s rent, phone and food. You are basically letting a homeless man fuck you and fuck other people. STOP, STOP, STOP!!!!! Love yourself.
He’s a using piece of shit loser asshole
You drop him like the sack he is, block him, and find someone better. Truly won’t be hard because he’s not a catch at all. I’m guessing he’s hot however which is how he’s been able to keep doing this shit…OR he has no standards at all.
edit: My brother was exactly this kind of loser (minus reproducing thankfully) and eventually it caught up with him.
You can’t seriously be asking for advice.
🏃♀️💨
Technically he’s a pimp right now 🤷♂️
Didn’t have to read. End it.
Why are you taking care of a man you’ve only been with for three months?! Cut him loose!
Contact your family and reconcile with them. They will probably be relieved you came to your senses. This guy is a parasite and he used you, isolated you, and clearly has no respect for you. You deserve SO much better. You may not realize it but he was being abusive to you. There is a reason he has so many failed relationships, if he has no problem mooching off of you then he probably does Jack $hit to help raise his kids.
Seriously, reach out to your family, odds are they will welcome you back.
Same advice i give to dudes. Leave. He thinks its gonna be great for him. Its not.
Girl RUN!!!
This is so sad, this loser has been using you since the start. Cut him off immediately and never speak to him again, fix your relationship with your family and start saving again.
Girl no offense but you’re enabling him big time. Ruining family relationships and spending that much money for a man was YOUR BAD and now it’s time to go.
You need to give this guy one thing. The way to the door.
Unfortunately you got played. Kick him to the curb and never forget this expensive lesson. A similar thing happened to my daughter. I wish you luck.
the fact that you need any advice here is mind blowing…
Him wanting an open relationship is the least concerning aspect of your post. Run, don’t walk, away from this guy
You’ve been with him for three months why are you doing all that stuff for that loser?
You’ve been with this guy for 3 months too long!
Fuck all that.
End it and move on. Thats all there is to it.
Let’s say a friend came to you and asked you for advice. What would you tell them?
You already know what needs to happen. Go get your things and leave.
It seems like you need to get out of this relationship like right away, It’s going to cause you psychological problems in the long run. Of course he doesn’t want to lose you, Your paying his way. Anyway, I don’t know you but you deserve a lot better.
Pack it up. You deserve better.
Girl that man child doesn’t want to loose your money. If you are supporting a full grown father, who’s supporting his children. He doesn’t seem like a decent boyfriend either. He just wants the benefits of dating you without any on the commitment.
Let him go!! Drop him before he messes up your life and future relationships!!
Chalk this one up to a life lesson and go find someone that treats you like an equal or better.
New account, this is the only story? Gotta be fake.
So obviously kick him to the kerb. But that goes without saying.
Then my dear, get to a therapist and find out why you are attracted to mooching cheating losers. And stay single until you sort yourself out.
Simples.
You’ve been together for 3 months, you are paying for EVERYTHING, and he can’t even give you the decency of commitment or exclusivity?
DUMP!!!! HIM!!!!! KICK!!!! HIM!!!!! OUT!!!!!!!!
just kick him out hes dragging you down, he only wants to stay because your paying for him. take this as a life lesson don’t pay for a man when youve only known him 3months. theres too many red flags here. your family will take you back they probably just could see what you couldnt.
Go back to your family. Apologize for fucking up. Block him on everything focus on working on yourself.
You’ve only been dating him 3 months & you are paying his rent, groceries & phone bill? Why?
Have some self respect & dump the hobosexual. Go back to your family & admit they were right about this AH, that you were young & you are sorry you didn’t listen to their concerns. They still love you. He doesn’t want you, he wants your money while he f**ks other women.
You should stick around and support him.
He wants you to stick around so you can continue supporting him. Stop supporting this loser right this second and go no contact. He’s disgusting and disrespectful.
This is why you don’t date guys that don’t pay for dinner. Wake up girl.
This guy is not a man, not worth your effort, and pathetic.
I bet this loser makes you think differently about the attributes you look for in guys. Wouldn’t it be nice if you met a guy who actually likes you and buys you dinner. Wouldn’t it be nice if the guy was the one trying to impress you, and not taking all your money.
There’s a reason why guys use to spend 3 months salary on engagement rings. It’s to show the girl that they are serious about their commitment.
i could continue, but honestly, you traded your family for this dirt bag.
Next time you look in the mirror, take a hard look, you are that guy that tries to buy love.
Wake up girl!!!!!
Girl, you’re 20. You’re far too young to be dealing with all this shit. Get out, find someone who wants to build a life with you that isn’t going to be an emotional and financial burden on you.
To quote TLC
A scrub is a guy that think he’s fly
And is also known as a busta (busta)
Always talkin’ about what he wants
And just sits on his broke ass, so
No, I don’t want your number
No, I don’t want to give you mine and
No, I don’t want to meet you nowhere
No, don’t want none of your time and
No, I don’t want no scrub
A scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me
Hanging out the passenger side of his best friend’s ride
Trying to holla at me
I don’t want no scrub
A scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me
Hanging out the passenger side of his best friend’s ride
Trying to holla at me
Got a scrub checkin’ me, but his game is kinda weak
And I know that he cannot approach me
‘Cause I’m lookin’ like class, and he’s lookin’ like trash
Can’t get with a deadbeat ass, so
No, I don’t want your number
No, I don’t want to give you mine and
No, I don’t want to meet you nowhere
No, don’t want none of your time
You have nowhere to go? Aren’t you the one supporting him? I’m guessing you don’t want an open relationship and even if you do he’s a terrible choice. His idea of a relationship is screwing anything that moves while you support him. At 20 you shouldn’t be supporting anyone else, especially someone that should be a grown ass man.
We’ve all made some questionable dating choices, I’m not here to judge you on that.
However, this is a giant red flag that you need to take seriously. Run and run fast!
Wishing you all the good things moving forward!
Why are you involved with him in the first place. You need to learn who you are first. You are not making dumb mistakes you are making nuclear stupid mistakes on steroids.
Been with him 3 months and ruined your relationship with your family for this obvious deadbeat? You’re better than this. You owe him absolutely nothing.
Tell ur bf to fuck off