So I’m pretty confused about everything lately and just needed some good advice because I don’t really have anyone to turn to.
- I’ll try to make this as short as possible for you all. Please don’t reply if you have nothing useful to say because I’m already very fragile right now
The other day my bf and I got in a disagreement about him getting more drugs when he said we wouldn’t get anymore, that we were done. I was gonna go home so we both could have some space on that day too. He got pretty mean and I’m not gonna go into everything, it’s too long and complicated. He ended up ignoring me when I tried to talk about it and said he was leaving shortly if I wanted to come.
I went but it got worse, we fought, he wouldn’t listen and threatened to leave me there. On the way home, he kept going on at me and about the drugs so I took them and placed them in my bra. He stole my phone off me while driving and wouldn’t give it back. I tried fighting for it but he was driving and we would’ve crashed. I admittedly was a bit too emotional and I wanted to get out of the car so I tried to open the door if he wouldn’t pull over or give it back.
We got back to his house and I instantly went to his dad and asked him to make him give it back. He just went on at me and blamed me. He said I was antagonising him and to give him his stuff back. I can’t drive so I couldn’t go anywhere or call anyone. He kept going on and so was my bf. His dad at one point got in my face and was trying to yell at me so I told him to get out of my face.
After that he lost it telling me he wants me out, that all I do is cause problems, that I’m being ridiculous and he won’t make him give me my phone back. He kept telling me to grow the fuck up. He literally watched my bf try to grab the weed out of my bra and I had to kick him off and it was my fault. I had no phone and no one to call and I was trying to pack while being harassed and blamed.
He also kept threatening to call the cops on me. I don’t understand that because I was trying to pack my stuff and go, I just wanted my phone back so I could leave and I took the drugs so I could throw it out the window. My bf would have been in trouble though so I don’t understand it.
How could a grown man act like this to a young woman (in my very early 20’s). So basically I’m just trying to ask for advice on the situation. I don’t know what to do or what to think but I feel so upset, hurt and confused. My stuff is still there too so I’m just honestly not sure what to about any of this. I don’t think I was in the wrong thought or overreacted. I’m proud hat I stood up for myself but I’m just feeling so lost.
Any advice on what to do would be appreciated.
Comments
You had great intentions; the way you went about things was definitely not great. You can’t change someone unless they want to change. On top of being emotional, you were kinda being manipulative by taking away his drugs, and he was doing the same by taking away your phone, again, even though you had good intentions. We obviously do not have the whole story. Everyone kinda sucks here.
The thing you probably should have done was walk away, or set a boundary of “you can do what you want. But if you take those drugs, I will be gone”.
Drop your bf and avoid his dad
So to get your stuff back, get two of the biggest guys you know and go over there and just take it.
As for the rest, just get out of this nonsense. Clearly bf got issues, shocker his father does too. Sounds like you got issues too, and none of y’all’s issues are compatible. Cut contact and call it a day this is way too messy
I think you should break up. Your bf is clearly in active addiction and not handling that well. If you’re already feeling fragile i think you should not stay in this kind of relationship. It seems that you cannot get him out of this addiction, he need professional help.
Protect yourself you are young. Please don’t put yourself in any kind of dangerous situations and take care of you.
I think that you initially responded dangerously for the situation (being in the car) but it’s very good that you stood up for yourself and you definitely did the right thing when you got home. I don’t necessarily agree with the way you went about trying to get your bf to stop with the substances but I agree with the general principle of stopping the substances.
I think your bfs’ dad handled the situation super poorly and shouldn’t have yelled/gotten in your face at all. It’s super disrespectful and as someone who should be a roll model it’s immature. I think the bridge with him probably is burned and will make pursuing the relationship further likely difficult.
Speaking of which, staying in a relationship with someone who has different values (on substances/general) is likely going to be hard. This is all disregarding the way your boyfriend acted, which already isn’t okay but I’m assuming other people in the comments will say that. Just some food for thought if you’re going to continue seeing him.
Best of luck with your situation.
What drugs is he doing, and how often? When a drug addict can’t get there, fix they flip shit. Especially since it was already in his possession. As a former dope addict who’s like 8 years clean, just get away. You can’t help people who don’t want it, especially with addicts. When you’re addicted that is your love. He might care for u second, but he would take from u in a second to get high.
Good lesson to learn never take someone’s drugs and try to not give them back 9/10 gonna end bad