So a little backstory, my sister (26) and her boyfriend (34) have been staying with me (25) for the past two months. After the first month I had a conversation with my sister and I told her I didn’t like the way her boyfriend was treating her (in my opinion he treats her more like a maid than a girlfriend). She brushed it off and said I don’t see everything and that’s not true (completely expected this response, but felt I had to say something).
Anyway, last night I was having dinner with friends at home, and before dinner I asked my sister to take the meat I’d ordered out of the fridge. When I got home she told me she froze half of it because she thought it was too much food, which pissed me off because I was planning on using the leftovers as meal prep. Her boyfriend heard me getting angry and came in the room and started screaming in my face, like he got right up close to me and started shouting.
I now want him to leave my home as I don’t feel comfortable around him, but my mum says if I kick them out it’ll hurt my relationship with my sister. Not really sure what to do as this is a pattern of behaviour of his that has been repeated on multiple occasions and I’m not willing to tolerate being treated like that, but on the other hand I’ve always been very close to my sister and don’t want to regret damaging that relationship.
I know I probably shouldn’t have gotten so angry at my sister (although all things considered this is definitely not the worst we’ve treated each other), but now I don’t know what to do about the boyfriend.
Please help 🙏 and be kind, it’s been a rough 24 hours
Comments
He screamed in your face, so either he leaves or they both get a move-out date. Your house, your rules.
Oh heck no, he is not respecting you and is freeloading off your relationship with your sister. Kick them out. They should be worshiping at your feet and not just taking the meet out of the freezer, but cooking it too as payment for letting them live there. Until your sister sees the controlling nature of the boyfriend, you are not going to see progress. It sounds like the parents know that if you kick them out, the sister and bf will be asking to move in with them instead. I’m all for helping people, but when you disrespect me, umm no, GET OUT.
I think you keep your phone recording or setup a camera in the common space and capture this behavior and show it to your parents. They might be downplaying the situation.
if you let him stay his behavior to you could escalate. tell them this is not working out for you and they need to leave.
they can’t go live with your parents instead? This is your home and nobody else’s opinion matters when it’s you who’s being treated this way in your own home after letting your sister and HER boyfriend stay with you. This is your own personal space and you should not tolerate that sort of disrespect because not only is he this way to her by treating her like a maid but somehow it’s also acceptable to treat his sister awfully aswell?
KICK THEM BOTH OUT. Call the cops and have them removed.
If she sides with him, you have not lost anything.
If your parents are good with being treated like that, the BIL and sister can move in with them.
It WILL happen again….
Fam, save your sister before its too late..
i have a huge family brothers and sister we all older now. but broskii.. save her shes not thinking her boyfriend cant take care of him self means that your going to take care of your sisters kids if they have one..
your mother cant handle them either loool…
you tell your sister straight up dont waist your time with losers broski what the fuk is sheee doing
you are going to be a millionair forsure at 25 years old ….. you need to focuse gang watch out around you ur in your enemy year.. this world is spiritual and they going to kill you wealth if you dont focuse brother trust meeeeee
He has to go. Your sister can stay if she chooses, but he has go to. Now.
It’s sad if it upsets your parents, and I’m sure they are worried about your sister, but they can house them, not you.
Tell your sister hat her BF must go immediately as you will not accept abuse in your home. If she does not listen to you, then kick both out as it’s your house. Your Mom can house them if she takes their side. If any problem, call police. You don’t deserve abuse in your home.
Kick them out
BIL has to leave, but sister can stay. If sister lets it damage the relationship, that’s on her.
He needs to leave today. Your sister can go with him or stay, but she should not be allowed to berate you or try to change your mind. If she won’t stop complaining about it, she leaves too. Your mother can take them in if she is so worried about this. Your sister’s bf is a jerk, and your sister kind of is, too. Why would she freeze meat that you bought and wanted to cook? She overstepped normal boundaries. Time for them to go.
It’s your home, not theirs. If my sister’s husband got in between her and me while we’re having a tiff, THAT would irrevocably damage me and my sister’s relationship, especially if they were staying at my house and depending on my hospitality. The boyfriend is disrespectful and needs to learn boundaries, but he needs to learn them somewhere else and not return until he’s mastered respect and humility. It’s absolute bs for your parents to expect you to tolerate disrespect that I doubt they would tolerate. And if they would tolerate it, then let your sister take her rude boyfriend to their house.
He’s older and loving of of you an ccd no one sees this as a problem. He heads to GO NOW!
Unacceptable and sister needs to stand up for herself
Updateme
Kick him out… And talk to ur sister… If not just buy u a gun or mace… I’m not telling you to get violent but sometimes you gotta stand up for urself cause obviously he thinks he runs you n ur house…
Time for them to go. Nobody –especially a guest– disrespects me like that in my house. No need to be dramatic. Just tell them they need to go…that it’s too crowded…you need your space back. Dont discuss it. Just inform them of your decision.Â
You need to sit down with your sister and tell her you are not comfortable with the situation and arrangement that it’s affecting your relationship with her and it would be better if they find another living situation.
He can be angry living at your parents’ house or in his car.
I’m confused , you mention a BIL and then you say she has a boyfriend. A BIL would be someone who is married to your sibling. Does she have both , a boyfriend and a husband ?
As far as the problem goes , kick him out . Let him face the consequences of his actions . You should never feel unsafe in your own home . Tell your sister she can stay but he has to go . That way if she goes it’s her choice . If your family voices an opinion tell them they are now free to host the couple themselves . If they won’t open their homes to them they can’t offer an opinion.
Either he leaves or you get a new place. How’s your sister allowing her boyfriend to treat you that way? You are being considerate about your relationship with your sister, but why is your sister not reciprocating the same?
He’s testing waters, trying to see how much is too much. You get to call the shot as it’s your goddamm house
Seems like your mum and dad don’t want to have to deal with your sister and her verbally abusive boyfriend either.
You have choices – one to let your sister boyfriend rule your house and verbally abuse you when he feels like it or let your sister know that while she is welcome in your home he is not and let her decide what she wants to do from there. It’s not your job to mother your sister and if she is willing to damage the relationship because you don’t want to tolerate being verbally abused in your own home that’s on her.
Apologize to your sister and tell her what you said to us.
Somebody needs to put this bully in his place
Yeah she didn’t buy the meat nor was she in the right at any moment, neither one of them respect you or your house enough to actually do basic shit you asked for them to do. I’m surprised you didn’t try to swing on the bf. It’s not his house and he can’t order someone to clean either. He’s a guest in your home and acts like he has the right to lay down his own laws. To me, I wouldn’t care who it was. I’ll tell them both that if they can’t learn to respect you and your house then they can fucking leave. If either one of them try to start problems then call the police. Neither one of them have any right to start any problems with you.
Tell your mom she can house them bc he isn’t welcome in your house anymore after how he treated
You and you will not be screamed at by him period.
Nope. He disrespected you in your home and made it unsafe and hostile. He has until tomorrow to get the fuck out.
Home MUST be a soft landing place for daily decompression. If uncomfortable with kicking them out, have a one and only warning conversation. No 3 strikes bs.
And establish the first and most important co-hab rule: Don’t touch my sh!t.
Get an air horn and use it whenever he starts talking
Let me get this straight. You are supposed to put up with abuse to keep the relationship with your sister intact? Well, I can see where she got her predilection to being with an abuser.
Stand up for yourself, stand up for your sister. Putting up with abuse is NEVER okay and I am appalled your parents are siding with the BF.
You’re old enough to have your own apartment and to shelter your sister and her boyfriend, so I don’t quite understand why your parents’ opinions hold so much sway with you. If they’re worried about their daughter being homeless, they can provide shelter to both and take his abuse.
It doesn’t sound like you want to throw your sister out with her boyfriend, so nothing you’re doing is damaging your relationship with her. If she chooses to go with him and / or get angry with you for throwing him out, then that’s a decision she makes for herself and isn’t something you’re doing to her.
You can’t let this continue. It’s already escalated to him screaming in your face, and that makes this living situation untenable. He’s an immediate danger and needs to be dealt with first, so get him out of your place and worry about your relationship with your sister later.
If she’s okay with him treating you like this and still choosing to be with him, it may be best that you distance yourself from her for the time being. Just be ready to be there for her when she leaves him, and let her know that you will, because abusers often isolate their victims from loved ones, and I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what he’s doing.