I recently started a new job and things have been going pretty well. My boss is friendly, maybe a little too friendly at times, but nothing super off, until now.
He invited me over for a “casual dinner” at his house. Said his wife would be there too and that they “love getting to know the team personally.” Thing is… I’m the only one invited. No other coworkers, just me, him, and his wife.
I don’t know if I’m overthinking it, but it feels off. I’m pretty new, and this just doesn’t seem normal. My gut says it’s weird, but I also don’t want to burn bridges or seem rude.
Has anyone been in a situation like this? Am I being paranoid or is this actually sus?
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Plenty of people operate that way – you’re the new person, they don’t want to host loads of people, so they’re just having you over for dinner. He’s said his wife will be there, so really the only worrying thing is if they’re…what, cannibals? Seeking a threesome? Seems like his explanation is the most reasonable one. If you get there and his wife isn’t there, that’s when you make an excuse and leave. But I don’t see what’s really weird about it.
It’s not weird! It happens sometimes, especially if your boss is of certain cultures, where dinner invitations are a sign of respect and appreciation.
If you feel weird about it, you can cancel or ask to bring somebody with you (a friend or a family member). I highly doubt there is a weird ulterior motive to this dinner, but obviously be careful lol
Happens often in medicine.
I’ve worked in business for over 40 years and this seems a little weird to me. It’s quite possible. It’s all on the up and up, but it’s quite possible that they’re looking for playtime by way of a threesome or the wife gets off watching her husband play. Again it might be on the up and up, but I’ve never seen it ever.
Have you asked coworkers if they have ever been invited to dinner before?
Could be just a good way to get to know you outside of work.
Can we get more info? Are you male or female, ages, and any personal interested shared?
My old boss and I would go bird hunting all the time. We were and are still friends. I would go skiing with him and his wife. I’d eat at their house. Still friends with them 30 years later.
Trust your gut though. I don’t think he invited over the other guys at work. I’d get invited to his kids birthday parties.
Just go and have dinner, and let’s know if it just dinner or not.
It’s pretty normal. You can ask other coworkers and verify that they’ve all done it or most of them. Most don’t just host everyone every time they get a new person. They just host the new people. If no one else went then I would think more. If the others all had their time then it’s probably perfectly fine. You can always text someone you’re going and that you’ll call them, not text them, and talk afterwards if worried. But yeah it’s normal. I’ve been to several.
Not uncommon, I think you’re overthinking unless you’re leaving info out
If you had a wife/husband he probably would’ve invited them too. Not weird
Being paranoid. He probably wants to get to know you. If you will grow with my company, i want to know who you areDon’t think threesome
Threesome time!
This is the old fashion way of being a boss. The boss is trying to appear as a family man and we are all a family BS image by inviting you. What makes this worse if they end up firing you then its like more odd and awkward for both sides since they involved their families into the work relationship.
One really odd boss I had invited me to meet his parents for dinner. He was not married and a Silicon Valley computer genius so he was all kinds of socially awkward but he later told me that his mom and dad both loved me and that was the final decision in offering me a full time job with his company. The guy ended up being real nut job so I declined the job like 30 days later.
I’d probably only be comfortable doing something like this at a restaurant. But for all I know, it could be normal in certain industries.
Does your boss own the business? That helps me understand the situation a bit more.
Did you apply for this job or was it set up through your network?
If my current boss invited me to dinner at his house, with his wife, I would appreciate the gesture and I’m sure it would be a great experience. But this doesn’t apply to everyone’s situation.
If you show up and he is there in his underwear, then you were right to listen to your gut.
I had a boss that insisted on being friends outside of work. Then he judged everything about me. So there’s that
You should take three things with you: your own bottle of wine (don’t let them pour it for you), lube, and pepper spray. Then you’re prepared no matter what happens.
They are definitely looking to harvest your organs. I’d get in front of this, just negotiate your price ahead of time.
Im pretty sure he’s lying about his wife being there.
This does not sound appropriate, and it doesn’t sound like a good idea.
He could be lowering into a situation where you could be SA’ed.
Don’t go.
And make sure you document his request that you come over to his house for dinner you may need it down the road .
My dad was like this growing up. Except for new hires I think he’d usually take them out to a restaurant for dinner as a greeting after their first month or so.
Eventually he’d maybe give you an invite to one of the backyard cookouts where things got wild…
Lube is nearby, ready to go. Just waiting on your follow up of meeting up with the boss and wife.
I wouldn’t go. Work is strictly buisness.
It’s weird.
Sound like they want you in a 3some
OP are you around the same age? Maybe he thinks you could be friends.
Do not accept any offer to sell Confederated Products.
How many people work for your company? I’m partial owner of a really small company and my wife and I invite our new employees over from time to time and do larger groups dinners on big holidays.
We’re in a smaller town and most of our employees or seasonal / temporary so we invite them over to make them feel welcome.
Yeah it’s weird. Just tell your boss that you don’t like to mix business with pleasure. If you are fired because of that- you still dodged a bullet. His wife doesn’t want to get to know his latest employee. Come on. This is either a set up (three way) or he is grooming you in some way. Sounds really creepy. My boss used to take each of his employees to the restaurant where we worked. He was a complete gentleman and never did anything untoward. He wasn’t married and could have easily flirted but didn’t. I never felt weird about it. i had a boss prior to that that did hit on me and I got fired when I didn’t submit to his advances. I was initially pissed but just moved on to another job.
Horrible bosses the movie comes to mind lol
Too much thinking! Ask if you can bring your gf.
Did it say ‘Clothing Optional’? If not then I wouldn’t worry about it.
Typically your SO would be invited also.
I feel like I saw this in a lot of movies from the 70s 80s and 90s. It’s a kind gesture and a way to see what you’re all about
Have you asked any of your colleagues if he did the same for them when they were new? It’d be weird if you were the only one he’s invited. Need more info tbh
About 28 years ago I had changed jobs and shortly after getting into the new position, my manager invited my wife & I over for dinner at his place. He just wanted to get to know me better and to see how my wife and I treated each other to see if he felt I had been honest and not hiding things in my interview process. I worked for that manager for several years and we had meals and parties at his house more than once. He was one of the best managers I ever worked for, and I learned much from him. Some of it is still paying off today and I am getting the benefit of teaching those things to my current company.
I know of one company that goes through a similar process when they hire senior team members into their company. As a part of the interview process, you meet the company owner and his wife for a dinner. They talk to both the candidate and their wife to see if they fit the company culture. It’s hard to have a spouse fake things the same way as a candidate does during an interview process…
Weird as fuck.
DO NOT MIX WORK & PLEASURE.
This is totally normal. I think Covid and WFH has caused a lot of people to literally forget about work related socialization from happy hours, sports/entertainment outings, fundraisers, conferences, and yes… dinners.
I’m assuming you’re under 25 since you’re using “sus” unironically. This is normal. As long as the wife is there, just relax and treat it like an interview/first date. Show a good side of yourself. Don’t share what you’re not comfortable sharing or anything that feels invasive.
Maybe they’re swingers, and think your hot.
They wanna fuck you.
It’s probably something he does for newly hired employees to get to know them better and make them feel like part of a family/team. It is weird but I don’t think it’s too suspicious.
Trust your gut instinct. Avoid.
Today? Yeah.
50 years ago? No.
It’s quite possible that you’ll be invited to do something you don’t want to, it’s highly unlikely that you’ll be forced though.
I would ask around and see if this is the norm with every new hire
If he asks you to stay over, then yes.
If you’re female, he’s hoping for a threesome. If you’re male, he’s a cuck and he already has the chair set in the corner of the bedroom for him to sit and watch.