hi, people of reddit! i’m a new user and i’m here to ask for advice and what to do.
short background of what’s happening: i, 18F, have a boyfriend, 19M, and we just started. we’re almost 2 months now and he’s been very vocal of not trusting me. i’ve done everything– i gave him assurance, i prove myself to him every time he says that to me. honestly, it’s getting kinda tiring. you know, when you always have to prove yourself to someone who ignores it. i know this isn’t something i can control and that i don’t have to do anything about it because i’ve been reading stuff like these here too and usually the comments are like that but i really want to do something about it. it frustrates me to think that i can’t do anything. he also accuses me of cheating on him or that i have other people behind his back. i would never do that to him. but the problem is, he had a history of that. he told me that he’s afraid of getting cheated on so he cheats before his partner cheats on him. i’m really scared that it might happen to me too. please help me, thank you!
TL;DR: my boyfriend doesn’t trust me and i need advice 🙁
Comments
Trust must be equal on both sides. A true connection surpasses any barrier. There’s nothing to prove. There’s only one thing you can do about it. That is to be yourself. Don’t let anyone make you doubt yourself, about your love, about your honesty about your values. Please don’t let anyone make you doubt. You are still young, you have much to learn and experiment with. Believe me, when you find the one, you’ll be laughing at your own post and say that this was nothing. Good luck!
There is nothing you can do to make him stop this. No amount of assurance or proof is going to work. He has really deep seated internal problems and he’s the only one who can fix them.
He told you that he’s going to eventually cheat on so you know how this relationship is going to end up. It’s best if you go your separate ways.
As someone who doesn’t trust their partner, leave him. I’m contemplating doing the same because I know it’s up to me to fix those issues before bringing someone else down with me. Im trying to hold on but my trust issues paired with his inconsistency does not indicate a stable long term relationship and it’s hard.
You deserve someone in a healthier mindset than him. You’d be doing the both of you a favour, even if it seems impossible at this moment.
there are two possible things going on and neither of them are good and both of them you should leave. first he has a history of being betrayed by those he loves and trusts so he doesnt trust anyone and unless he gets therapy and really works on himself (this will take a long time) he wont get over it. second and possibly worse, he is using this as a way to manipulate and control you. either way get out now.
Time to leave. You don’t ower them anything. Trust like that should have already been established in the beginning of the relationship, so if he never trusted you, there is quite literally nothing for you to do. He’s finding excuses to be a bad boyfriend, and honestly, girl, you deserve more than that.
This is how a controlling relationship starts. The more privacy you give up to “reassure him”, the more he will want. You think there will be an amount of control that will finally make him feel comfortable, but there isn’t. If you don’t put a stop to this now, soon he is going to track you 24/7 and will make a scene every time you go out with friends until you stop going out altogether.
Stop trying to make him trust you. You are not the cause of his paranoia, so it’s not on you to fix it. It’s his responsibility to work through his issues, but instead he places that burden on you.
He will always find a way to accuse you of anything so he keeps you in a position of defense. Why do you need to prove yourself to him? Don’t let him manipulate you into restricting your own freedom in order to please him. There are men who don’t want to see their gfs thrive and live their own life. They’d rather have you locked up so they can have you for themselves only, as if you were a toy they don’t want to share with the rest of the world.
My advice – break up. You are far too young to be in toxic relationships and this won’t get better.