My boyfriend 20M and I 19F have been together for 7 months. This is our second time being together. We dated for three months and then broke up. We broke up due to him calling me bad names in front of my family. Then we got back together after being apart for two months because I decided to forgive him for what he did. During our two month break we were still talking about getting back together. I asked him (while we were broken up) if I was the only girl. He said yes and I decided to get back with him. Later on I received a hi girly text from this girl who he had sex with. She told me they had hooked up twice (two days after our breakup and then a weekend where he got a hotel with her while we were broken up). We got into a huge fight about it and I’m still hurt even though I found out about it five months ago. I can’t erase what I feel. He knows I know, but I can’t help but feel he wasn’t going to tell me about it. How do I get over this because I genuinely love him.
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Hey OP, I just want to say first that I’m really sorry you’re going through this. What you’re feeling is completely valid. You’ve been hurt. not just by what he did, but by the fact that he wasn’t honest about it when you gave him the chance to be. That kind of betrayal sticks, especially when it happens at the start of rebuilding trust.
You asked him directly if he’d been with anyone while you were broken up. He said no. That’s not just a lie—it’s a choice to let you build trust on false ground. And even though you weren’t technically together, the emotional commitment was still there if you were talking about getting back together.
The part that really stings (and I think you know this deep down) is that he probably wouldn’t have told you unless that girl messaged you. That matters.
You say you genuinely love him, and that’s okay—love doesn’t just shut off because someone hurts us.
But ask yourself:
Can you ever truly feel safe with him again?
Can you trust him to be honest moving forward?
Do you want to carry the weight of this pain and resentment in your heart every day?
Because unless he’s actively working to rebuild trust and show accountability—not just saying “sorry,” but actually putting in the emotional work—you’re just going to stay stuck in this loop of “I love him, but I don’t trust him.”
And honestly, that’s exhausting.
You deserve honesty, respect, and emotional safety—not secrets you have to discover on your own.
Take care of your heart. Sometimes the bravest thing we can do is walk away from someone we love because we’ve learned to love ourselves more.
Here if you need to talk.
Here’s the thing. It’s not cheating because you weren’t in a relationship, but he lied. He clearly believed what he did was wrong so he lied because he was afraid you wouldn’t get back with him if he told you the truth. If he can truthfully acknowledge this and take accountability then maybe he deserves a chance, but if he can’t then at the end of the day it’s up to you if you can’t truly get past this. If you can’t then end it because it will just cause more problems down the line to ignore it. Situations like this absolutely suck and at the end of the day I hope you pick what genuinely feels right. Good luck to you❤️.
Girl you are too young to be with a guy that disrespects you and lies to you (not that any age would be reason to stay tbh). Regardless of “we were on a break logic” he lied to you. A girl who has no duty or loyalty to you respected you more. He preferred his own comfortability to your autonomy and trust. Don’t waste your early twenties on a man like this.
Stop getting over stuff with men who hurt you
He disrespected you in front of your family, that should have been the first and only breakup
And now he’s lying to you about his sexual activity
This guy isn’t the one
Sounds like some signs of disrespect… maybe it’s time to reflect on how you’d like to be treated…
I can empathize with you. Sorry to hear what you go through.
If we dig too much into our past, we can’t focus on our present happiness. So, don’t fret. Everything will be alright.
This is an extensive amount of drama for 7 months. You never should have considered taking him back after he has the audacity to treat you poorly in front of family.
I wonder, do you see that he has grown from these events? Does he understand why you broke up and is he sorry for his role in it? Or did you just decide that it isn’t really a big deal after all?
Calling you names sounds like a pretty severe respect issue, so that worries me more for the long term than the hookup.
About the hookup; It’s not really your place to pry about his life during a breakup, but the potential lie (that you were the only girl.) isn’t a good development. Have you two resolved the fight from 5 months ago at all, or is it lingering for both of you? It also sounds like you’re hurt more about the hookups in the first place, than by the potential lie?
I’m saying potential lie, because the question “Was I the only girl” can mean a number of things. If it was clear to him that you were asking about hookups during the break, then the lying is a really bad sign. If you asked about dating prospects instead, then his answer could have been truthful that you were the only one.
To conclude with a direct answer:
The best way to get over this is by finding genuine resolutions for the lingering conflicts. This is something you need to do together. Unresolved conflicts can eat away at the genuinely love you feel for him, and it doesn’t sound like the relationship has a very secure foundation right now.
You are so young. Cut this one loose and find a new guy. As you said, you cannot get past this so it is your problem to handle.
Forgiveness is a skills of god and we are not God, never forgive anyone, no one matter in life, what’s matter you and your family, End is begging of new chapter don’t stick with same chapter 💪
The part where he called you bad names in front of his family was the part where you should have ended it. He has shown you how much he respects you (he doesn’t). Don’t move on from what he did, just move on from him.
Leave and don’t look back.
You’re 19. Its not the end of the world. Dump him and date yourself for awhile while you still have the chance. I did not and now I have 2 kids and had to learn self respect while being a single mom. Don’t be dumb. Go date yourself and love yourself before you share yourself with someone else